still reading through the thread, but need to reply to
The difference when a child has been to a good nursery/childminder and those who haven't, is astounding. It puts them at a HUGE disadvantage. If you can't hold a pencil/crayon, listen for a few minutes, follow an instruction, go to the loo on your own, you are at a HUGE disadvantage.
my 3 year old is in the school's nursery class
He could do all the above, recognise his numbers & letters and tell you what they were "that an A, that 3..." before he got there. Bilingually.
He can now write them all (badly, but can.) We're currently working on phonics and starting simple addition but he doesn't see it as working or learning, we just have fun and do books and win stickers according to him. We do crafts and "make messes" too. He made a hat recently.
NONE of that was taught in nursery, and with an intake of children every term, I don't see how it can be.
I taught him that after nursery, when his little brother has a nap. Nursery is more or less his social life while actual learning goes on at home.
so I'm afraid you are wrong. His nursery hasn't taught him anything except how to interact with other children (which is the only reason he's there anyway, I know I could homeschool his early years and ks1 easily enough, ks2 I'd need to buy some books first).
He's never been to a childminder and started nursery when he was 3 not before (though I could have sent him to the sure start one had I chosen to).
oh, and we're an "underprivileged" family with disabled & mentally ill mother and currently unemployed father, so what's-his-face's theory about those with money's children doing better doesn't work out either.