To feel a bit singled out in this parent assembly?

[LilllyLovesLife]

Right been into DDs school this morning to watch her in her little show for the parents. Several people had young children with them. I had to bring my DS who is 14 months.

A lot of the young children were getting bored and restless (we were in the hall for an hour expected to be quiet) so understandably they were playing up a bit. But DS was the youngest by a fair bit, the others IMO were old enough to be sat with some snacks or whatever and told to be quiet. But they were running round the hall, going out the doors and causing a fuss. Parents of these children were doing their best but I must admit it was a generally very stressful situation for anybody who had children. Usually we are allowed to bring in Buggies, but today we had to leave them outside, leaving me a bit unprepared as planned to leave him in there with a few snacks, which is what we usually do.

In the end, some of the children had got some shape toys out of a box that was left at the side of the hall in their reach. They clearly weren't meant for the little ones but weren't breakable or noisy so eventually the kids got their own way and were playing with minimal noise and out of the way.

Eventually I let my DS go and join in as he isn't old enough to understand and as the others weren't causing a problem I figgured it saved my santiy and my back (had been carrying him the for a good 40 mins at this point, being 7 months pregnant with him wriggling around so was bloody hard work.

Anyway, DS was sat there happily as he loves being around other kids. Even though they were all snatching from him and he was pretty much just sat there helplessly but was quite happy and certainly not making any more noise than anybody else.

Anyway, head teacher comes over, and tells me off. Not any of the other parents, not any of the children. Just me. Went on and on about how they are school resources etc etc. By this point, every parent in the hall (from the full 90 kids in year 1) were all staring at me and I was wanting the ground to swallow me up. By this point all the kids are also aware, where as they certainly weren't before she came over. I apologised, picked my Son up and took the toy off him. But she carried on talking. Didn't really hear what she was saying but basically made me feel like a 5 year old being in trouble with the head.

I just feel like everybody else was allowed to have their kids running riot but my 14 month old BABY sat quietly was enough to warrent humiliation in front of all the other parents. She could see I was clearly pregnant and could do without the extra stress of holding him even longer.

AIBU to feel a bit singled out? And that the head caused more disruption to this play than my DS did? Nobody had even noticed before this.

It pisses me off the way that schools think that they are in charge of parents, that we all plan our lives around school rules and policies, and that they can speak to parents as if they are children too.

I would be sending a strongly worded letter to the head saying that you are unhappy that she picked on you, and copy in the governers too. At least then she will think twice before speaking down to you in future.

^ The issue is that the head targeted one parent to tell off in front of everybody.^

This.

Btw if you'd have read the OP thoroughly, you'd have realised that in fact, there were no seats. The OP had had to carry her 14 mth old for 40 mins whilst being heavily pregnant, and finally put her down on the floor where the child was being quiet and watching the other kids.

I don't think you can blame the OP for the general disturbance parents bringing younger children into the school can make. It's not applicable to the situation.

By the way OP, it's useful to get reactions like this as the HT may well react similarly, using righteous indignation about noise levels to divert from your actual complaint and the actual issue at hand.

Agree 100% with gianna - I wouldn't be able to let it go. So sorry you were treated like this OP, have a

OP. The head was wrong but I'd reassure myself with the fact that it wasn't just you who witnessed your dressing down. Everyone did and whilst you had to stand and take it I don't think anyone will be tittle tattling about you. I think they will be gossiping about the head's inappropriate behaviour and the fact that she showed up herself in public. More humiliating in the longer term for her rather than you I think.

At my dc's primary school the PTA used to run a little creche for these sorts of things with parent volunteers from other year groups and a couple of helpers from Y6. Why don't you suggest organising something like that in future and getting the Chair of Governors and Chair of the PTA on side by volunteering to do so. That way you can sweetly and quietly let them know why you think it would be a good idea whilst doing something very very constructive.

I wouldn't write a letter of complaint; I'd be far more machiavellian. Revenge is a dish best served cold .

The HT was rude and out of order to single you out. If she had an issue with what the children were playing with, she should have removed the items and said "Sorry these are for the bigger children." (in a nice way to the children). That would have solved her issue of them touching things they shouldn't, and forced the children back to their parents in one go.
Our HT would never have a go at parents in public over something so daft. Our HT realises parents have other children, and therefore puts on child care in a neighbouring room (run by the OOSC team), sends them through to the nursery to be cared for by teachers or gives the children something to occupy them - usually a box of books.
I would question the HTs commitment to caring for children if she is so nasty about children playing quietly to be honest.

I don't know what is meant by "out of his seat". He is a baby - his seat is the buggy which I wasn't allowed to bring in. He was right next to me, sat on the floor. at no point did he move to another part of the hall, not sure where that bit came from

Ha ha at a 14 month old sat in his seat

I wouldnt let it go OP, I'd be furious if it was me.

Email HT, it was completely rude and unprofessional to humiliate another person like that, especially when said person did nothing wrong.

I'm glad I wasn't being over sensitive and that most people agree with me.

I am hoping they have a suggestion box at the parents evening tonight so I can make some suggestions without making a big deal. I've only seen one once at the school though which was during an open evening

Make a big deal, your heavily pregnant and you got singled for doing nothing wrong.

Dont be afraid to assert yourself, once you do, the target will be off your back.

You are not being over sensitive. It is the kind of thing that would keep me awake at night, going over what I should have said or what I should do about it now, in a state of stress.

Having parents' evening tonight is perfect.

Try and engineer a casual chat with the HT. Say that the play was lovely etc then say it must've been quite stressful for her as she seemed very on edge when she spoke to you about your toddler. Point out that all the other little ones were getting a little bit too loud but yours was just being amused by them.

With any luck she'll apologise but if she still seems snotty then tell her you felt uncomfortable.

Haha, the head told my 22mo off on a school open day for quietly tottering two spaces to peer into the trophy cabinet.

Some teachers just don't seem to like children much!

I'd be pissed off in your shoes - not for the telling off, which was justified IMO, but for singling you out.

No-one's mentioned the poor little kids trying to perform with all these toddlers running riot! They've probably been practising for weeks. How disappointing for them.

giveadog why was she right to tell me off for my child sat playing quietly with his toy?

There really wasn't enough noise for the kids in the play to notice. even by the older toddlers. my daughter didn't hear any of it and she was in the front row. none of them were being loud, it was just that they had been playing with the toys that to them, probably looked like they were there to be played with. why leave a big box of colourful toys out at almost floor level if you don't want them touched by kids?

OP
The part that us really wrong is to have a go at one parent and not say a word about the other 5 that were playing too. This needed to be addressed at the time, in front if everyone.

If you go back to the HT and complain, you will just get brushed off as it is likely that she has already forgotten or she will think she is even more in her rights to think you are a pain to always complain
You are saying that other parents have said in the past that HT wasn't easy to deal with. So it's likely that parents in the halls have understood well how you gave felt and how put of line she was.

Having had a situation where the HT was a real pain, I would say 'choose your battles' with her (and learn ways to be able to stand up to her)

I'm fact I've just watched the video clips that I managed to get of my daughter's classes part of it and can't here any toddlers or disruption from anybody. so it really can't of been that loud as I was right next to the toddlers where they were playing, at the back of the hall.

Good luck at the parents evening tonight, hope you find a way to get your point across effectively

been to parents evening. Didn't address it. couldn't deal with the confrontation and she was stood with both the deputies all together.

I also wanted parents evening to be about my children and discussing their progress. not have the focus taken away by my feelings as I would get stressed and nervous if I were to say something. X

Ahh, you know what - they break up in about a week. And so do you - enjoy some lovely lie-ins and snuggle ups with your children before the status quo changes forever. Good luck with the baby.

I am glad that toddlers and babies are banned from school plays.

Hope you are ok, and I would send the email and CC to the governors.

the HT sounds like a bully.

I am perfectly well aware of the chain of events. If you read my posts I also state that I am aware that her DC was not running riot. However, it sounds like complete chaos, and I'm sure there were parents who were disturbed.

In that case why was the OP singled out when it wasn't her child who was running riot? Why not the parents of the children who were running riot?

I would email the HT, apologise for not being able to keep your DC sitting still, point out that you were pregnant and would normally use a buggy, and put forward a suggestion or 2 about what they might do in future that would enable other parents to enjoy the performance undisturbed.

Why should she apologise? Her child wasn't doing anything.

Unpleasant woman! There is never any reason to humiliate another person.

I once worked in a job where I had to take my two older charges to the local infant/primary school and the mothers seemed terrified of the headmistress.

Don't let this woman get away with her rudeness. Send an email letting her know that you felt she was being unreasonable and that, as an adult and a parent you expect to be treated with courtesy.