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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit singled out in this parent assembly?

74 replies

LilllyLovesLife · 02/04/2014 10:46

Right been into DDs school this morning to watch her in her little show for the parents. Several people had young children with them. I had to bring my DS who is 14 months.

A lot of the young children were getting bored and restless (we were in the hall for an hour expected to be quiet) so understandably they were playing up a bit. But DS was the youngest by a fair bit, the others IMO were old enough to be sat with some snacks or whatever and told to be quiet. But they were running round the hall, going out the doors and causing a fuss. Parents of these children were doing their best but I must admit it was a generally very stressful situation for anybody who had children. Usually we are allowed to bring in Buggies, but today we had to leave them outside, leaving me a bit unprepared as planned to leave him in there with a few snacks, which is what we usually do.

In the end, some of the children had got some shape toys out of a box that was left at the side of the hall in their reach. They clearly weren't meant for the little ones but weren't breakable or noisy so eventually the kids got their own way and were playing with minimal noise and out of the way.

Eventually I let my DS go and join in as he isn't old enough to understand and as the others weren't causing a problem I figgured it saved my santiy and my back (had been carrying him the for a good 40 mins at this point, being 7 months pregnant with him wriggling around so was bloody hard work.

Anyway, DS was sat there happily as he loves being around other kids. Even though they were all snatching from him and he was pretty much just sat there helplessly but was quite happy and certainly not making any more noise than anybody else.

Anyway, head teacher comes over, and tells me off. Not any of the other parents, not any of the children. Just me. Went on and on about how they are school resources etc etc. By this point, every parent in the hall (from the full 90 kids in year 1) were all staring at me and I was wanting the ground to swallow me up. By this point all the kids are also aware, where as they certainly weren't before she came over. I apologised, picked my Son up and took the toy off him. But she carried on talking. Didn't really hear what she was saying but basically made me feel like a 5 year old being in trouble with the head.

I just feel like everybody else was allowed to have their kids running riot but my 14 month old BABY sat quietly was enough to warrent humiliation in front of all the other parents. She could see I was clearly pregnant and could do without the extra stress of holding him even longer.

AIBU to feel a bit singled out? And that the head caused more disruption to this play than my DS did? Nobody had even noticed before this.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilllyLovesLife · 02/04/2014 14:28

Summermovedon - My child was sat there playing on the floor quietly next to our seats with his toy truck and a shape he was using to put in the back. He is 14 months. Is that really that awful?

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 14:29

I'm with Summer, I'm afraid.

I know that it's very difficult to kep children sitting still like that for an hour, but when you are a parent of a child in the concert and you can't hear a word they've said (I'm partially deaf, to make matters worse) because of children running riot then it's bloody frustrating.

I would email the HT, apologise for not being able to keep your DC sitting still, point out that you were pregnant and would normally use a buggy, and put forward a suggestion or 2 about what they might do in future that would enable other parents to enjoy the performance undisturbed.

Original poster
LilllyLovesLife · 02/04/2014 14:33

MY CHILD WASN'T RUNNING RIOT, LIKE I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES. I would never let him do that, if he was then I would of taken him out. THAT's why I am annoyed!

OP posts:
DontCareAboutYourShoes · 02/04/2014 14:36

The issue isn't the toddlers. Everyone's toddlers were being disruptive. The issue is that the head targeted one parent to tell off in front of everybody. If all the children are playing, all the parents get told. Not just one.

SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 14:38

You don't need to shout - and if you read my post VERY CAREFULLY you will notice that I didn't accuse your child specifically of running riot.

So - what suggestions will you be making to the school?

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2014 14:39

Given that your child was sitting quietly and it was the other children running around, I would feel very put out and would have to email.

SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 14:39

Afwiw - I also agree that you shouldn't have been singled out OP, but I can't speculate on why the HT did that. You will need to ask her.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2014 14:40

SirChenjin, why should she apologise that her child wasn't sitting still when her child was sitting still? I am not surpised the OP shouted a bit.

Original poster
LilllyLovesLife · 02/04/2014 14:40

If my child was being disruptive, I would of taken him out. He wasn't, he was being ammused by the children who were being disruptive.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilllyLovesLife · 02/04/2014 14:44

SirChenjin, I was getting annoyed because you say I should apologise for the behaviour of my baby when he wasn't doing anything. And I don't really get what your message is meant to mean about why the head did that?

OP posts:
Original poster
LilllyLovesLife · 02/04/2014 14:44

Thank you HumphreyCobbler

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 14:56

She should apologise because her child was not in its seat Humphrey.

The HT doesn't know that you were planning to take your child out of the school OP - how would she? All she knows is that a concert that had taken hours to practice was disturbed by young children who weren't kept in their seats.

To clarify - no-one (apart from the HT) knows why you were singled out, and so it would be useful to ask her.

So - what suggestions will you be making to the school?

chattychattyboomba · 02/04/2014 15:03

Oh Lillly, have just caught up and i feel so cross for you to be treated that way! I probably would have done the same in your situation and felt the same.... Try not to be anxious about parents evening. Is your DH able to go with you? I would tell my DH if he was able to come that he needed to have words because she is a bully and I would be worried I would not be able to control my temper if I tried to confront her.

Also, FWIW, something similar happened to me when in a school viewing. The head teacher giving a long winded introduction in the school hall with all of us parents and a few babies/toddlers in tow all making normal baby toddler noises. DD was almost 2 and being delightful if not a little vocal. She had just discovered talking and was behaving like any other 2 year old, pointing at her toys I has brought along in anticipation of her getting bored and saying the words- normal in door voice, not screaming or running amok. I did hush her just a couple of times but honestly she was barely audible among the crowd. The HT stopped mid sentence and announced "you can take her outside thank you, perhaps she will enjoy the garden and I can stop being interrupted". I was Shock gobsmacked. Needless to say I will not be sending my child to a school where a head teacher can't even handle normal toddler behaviour! After I got up for the walk of shame down the auditorium and through the exit doors I was followed by several other parents and their children who said "I didn't want to get sent to the naughty corner as well!" Lol
Sometimes HT's can be on a power trip... Sorry but it's true. Total power trippers and most of the parents probably would agree that you were dealt with very unfairly.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2014 15:05

Maybe you should make your mind up - first she should apologise as her child wasn't sitting still, then it was because he wasn't in his seat?

I think the OP should bring it up because it was very unfair to be singled out when her child was not causing any disturbance. SOlving all the problems of bringing toddlers to events is hardly the OP's responsibility.

SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 15:07

Or perhaps, rather than being a 'power tripper' Hmm she was just completely pissed off that the concert was being disrupted by a minority?

Either way, it would be helpful for the OP to a)ask her why she was the only parent she spoke to, and b)make suggestions for the future.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2014 15:07

I should say that I am a primary school teacher and normally very protective of the rights of children not to have their performance disturbed by toddlers, but this seems different.

chattychattyboomba · 02/04/2014 15:07

Sir chenjin... What's your problem?

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2014 15:08

There are loads or narky people on mumsnet today, it is a bit depressing

chattychattyboomba · 02/04/2014 15:09

Indeed

SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 15:09

Well if he wasn't in his seat he wasn't sitting still, was he? I should have thought that was obvious.

Making suggestions for the future is a constructive response to the issue. The OP knows the set up of the school and knows what would help parents like her - I would have thought she was ideally placed to make suggestions.

SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 15:11

I hate to point out the obvious - but this is AIBU. If you post here you might just get a few who don't agree with you.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2014 15:12

No, he had moved but at the point the HT spoke he was sitting still. As the OP stated.

You also get a few people who don't read the OP properly.

almondcake · 02/04/2014 15:14

OP, I have no advice, but sorry that happened to you. It sounds awful.

chattychattyboomba · 02/04/2014 15:20

Seems like you actually enjoy pointing it out- and being quite contrary. In this case the general consensus is that the OP was not being unreasonable.
The child wasn't in a seat because as the OP says- she was carrying him. She was carrying him and heavily pregnant. Perhaps there wasn't a seat? Never the less he was sitting still... On the floor... With a bunch of other children who were older and louder and less still.
And it seems the HT's issue was with the school resources being touched... And it seems that even AFTER the OP apologised, even though her child seemed to be one of the better behaved ones, not to mention much much younger, the HT continued in a bullying (and yes power tripping) manor, to publicly berate her.
All completely unnecessary to any sensible person over something that not many people deem to be warranting the HT's reaction.

SirChenjin · 02/04/2014 15:21

Her DC had left it's seat to join the other children Humphrey. At some point that would have involved moving to another part of the room.

I am perfectly well aware of the chain of events. If you read my posts I also state that I am aware that her DC was not running riot. However, it sounds like complete chaos, and I'm sure there were parents who were disturbed.

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