about drugs and a daytime party?

[JustSayNoKids]

I've NC for this as a few RL friends are on mn. Sorry it's long but don't want to drip-feed.

A dear friend has a new-ish boyfriend. They've been together about seven months and she has told me that she is serious about him. She seems very happy. All great, really pleased for her.

Last Saturday she had a birthday party. She has a mix of friends with and without children so she chose a child-friendly pub and invited those of us with DC to come earlier on, with the intention of carrying on into the evening for those who wish. We went with our 8mo DD.

We hadn't met new bf before but he seemed like a nice guy. After a couple of hours he disappeared with a couple of his friends and then reappeared. He seemed a bit quieter then before but we didn't really speak much to him, he stayed in a corner with said friends. We left soon after and the party carried on.

Then on Saturday, friend and I met up and talked about the party. She asked if I thought her bf was behaving oddly and said that she'd been cross with him because he and his friends had taken acid.

Now, I think I have a reasonably liberal attitude to drugs. It's not for me but if consenting adults make an informed decision to take them then I honestly don't care, or think that it's any of my business. However, I don't want my DC to be around drug-taking, however discreet. I don't want her to grow up in a setting where social drug-taking is normalised, in the same way that I don’t want her to see excessive drinking as normal. I told friend that I would have liked to know about the acid so that DH and I could have made a decision about whether or not we wanted to stay. We would probably have taken our leave, quite cheerily and with no mention of why, and we would have done the same if anyone had been very drunk. I said that if the situation recurred I'd appreciate a discreet tip-off.

She refused, saying that I was totally overreacting and that this would be an invasion of her bf's privacy, and telling me that I had double standards when it was a party in a pub where almost everyone, including DH and me, was drinking alcohol to some extent. She told me that I needed to 'lighten up' and relax my stance on drugs.

I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable (but then nobody ever does…) and this really would be a non-issue had the daytime part of the party not been specifically planned and communicated to us as child-friendly. We haven’t really fallen out over this, just agreed to disagree, and I don’t see our friendship ending over it but I would appreciate some other perspectives, as she has made me feel that my attitude to drugs is positively Victorian. AIBU??

[saulaboutme]

Yanbu that it's a stupid drug to be on with kids around.

I don't think you can expect her to tip you off if it happens again. How will she manage that.
In future I think you need to avoid being in his company with your dc if he thinks it's ok to do that.

I've been in lots of situations like this and I just leave. Between booze, coke, spliffs, E, etc I think it's inappropriate to do all that even if it's not in front of the kids. The adults behavior changes. Although they sound like they have no parental responsibility.
Summer time round here can get crazy. Some people just can't hold it down.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I would just avoid in future, children or no children around. It is irresponsible and rather pathetic.

[nickymanchester]

I think it's more the case that if this bf is going to be around for a while (and I think he will be) then I needed to make my position clear now so that DFriend is aware if the situation recurs.

Totally agree. I think that this is the point that some posters have overlooked. This won't be a one off. If you socialise with them in the future then he will carry on using this and any other drugs that he takes.

This is even more likely to happen if you socialise at either your or her home. If he's going to do this in the pub then he'll have no concerns about doing it at home.

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

Did she know he was doing it at the time or only later?

I think you've done her a favour expressing your disapproval TBH. If they're doing acid at a daytime party with children about, I doubt very much that's all they're doing in the way of drugs. She said to you she was cross about it, you'll just have helped her not normalise his behaviour.

And, wow, I can't think of a better recipe for a bad trip!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

He sounds like a keeper.

However, really odd as the behaviour was, you didn't know, so he was obviously not gurning while waving his hands around. The DCs will be fine.

[Clutterbugsmum]

YANBU.

Although I have to wonder if it was only acid in her words, why was she cross with him and his friends.

Was it because she didn't get any or once you reacted the way you did she back peddled her opinons on drugs.

[specialsubject]

I'd just lose her until she loses the sad druggie.

these people are not good to be around.