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AIBU?

about drugs and a daytime party?

32 replies

JustSayNoKids · 31/03/2014 17:28

I've NC for this as a few RL friends are on mn. Sorry it's long but don't want to drip-feed.

A dear friend has a new-ish boyfriend. They've been together about seven months and she has told me that she is serious about him. She seems very happy. All great, really pleased for her.

Last Saturday she had a birthday party. She has a mix of friends with and without children so she chose a child-friendly pub and invited those of us with DC to come earlier on, with the intention of carrying on into the evening for those who wish. We went with our 8mo DD.

We hadn't met new bf before but he seemed like a nice guy. After a couple of hours he disappeared with a couple of his friends and then reappeared. He seemed a bit quieter then before but we didn't really speak much to him, he stayed in a corner with said friends. We left soon after and the party carried on.

Then on Saturday, friend and I met up and talked about the party. She asked if I thought her bf was behaving oddly and said that she'd been cross with him because he and his friends had taken acid.

Now, I think I have a reasonably liberal attitude to drugs. It's not for me but if consenting adults make an informed decision to take them then I honestly don't care, or think that it's any of my business. However, I don't want my DC to be around drug-taking, however discreet. I don't want her to grow up in a setting where social drug-taking is normalised, in the same way that I don’t want her to see excessive drinking as normal. I told friend that I would have liked to know about the acid so that DH and I could have made a decision about whether or not we wanted to stay. We would probably have taken our leave, quite cheerily and with no mention of why, and we would have done the same if anyone had been very drunk. I said that if the situation recurred I'd appreciate a discreet tip-off.

She refused, saying that I was totally overreacting and that this would be an invasion of her bf's privacy, and telling me that I had double standards when it was a party in a pub where almost everyone, including DH and me, was drinking alcohol to some extent. She told me that I needed to 'lighten up' and relax my stance on drugs.

I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable (but then nobody ever does…) and this really would be a non-issue had the daytime part of the party not been specifically planned and communicated to us as child-friendly. We haven’t really fallen out over this, just agreed to disagree, and I don’t see our friendship ending over it but I would appreciate some other perspectives, as she has made me feel that my attitude to drugs is positively Victorian. AIBU??

OP posts:

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specialsubject · 31/03/2014 22:23

I'd just lose her until she loses the sad druggie.

these people are not good to be around.

Clutterbugsmum · 31/03/2014 21:53

YANBU.

Although I have to wonder if it was only acid in her words, why was she cross with him and his friends.

Was it because she didn't get any or once you reacted the way you did she back peddled her opinons on drugs.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2014 21:17

He sounds like a keeper.

However, really odd as the behaviour was, you didn't know, so he was obviously not gurning while waving his hands around. The DCs will be fine.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 31/03/2014 21:01

Did she know he was doing it at the time or only later?

I think you've done her a favour expressing your disapproval TBH. If they're doing acid at a daytime party with children about, I doubt very much that's all they're doing in the way of drugs. She said to you she was cross about it, you'll just have helped her not normalise his behaviour.

And, wow, I can't think of a better recipe for a bad trip!

nickymanchester · 31/03/2014 20:51

I think it's more the case that if this bf is going to be around for a while (and I think he will be) then I needed to make my position clear now so that DFriend is aware if the situation recurs.

Totally agree. I think that this is the point that some posters have overlooked. This won't be a one off. If you socialise with them in the future then he will carry on using this and any other drugs that he takes.

This is even more likely to happen if you socialise at either your or her home. If he's going to do this in the pub then he'll have no concerns about doing it at home.

Delphiniumsblue · 31/03/2014 20:47

I would just avoid in future, children or no children around. It is irresponsible and rather pathetic.

saulaboutme · 31/03/2014 20:36

Yanbu that it's a stupid drug to be on with kids around.

I don't think you can expect her to tip you off if it happens again. How will she manage that.
In future I think you need to avoid being in his company with your dc if he thinks it's ok to do that.

I've been in lots of situations like this and I just leave. Between booze, coke, spliffs, E, etc I think it's inappropriate to do all that even if it's not in front of the kids. The adults behavior changes. Although they sound like they have no parental responsibility.
Summer time round here can get crazy. Some people just can't hold it down.

TheWickerWoman · 31/03/2014 20:36

Good lord! I can't understand how they could do it in a pub, I took plenty of acid when I was younger and we escaped over the hills and far away, being in the pub would have tipped me over the edge.

YANBU either..

UncleT · 31/03/2014 20:25

Apologies for accidental double post.

UncleT · 31/03/2014 20:24

Sorry Time - if there's one drug that really isn't addictive, it's acid. Whether or not he might use other drugs is of course a different question.

JustSayNoKids · 31/03/2014 20:22

Thanks very much for the input. I absolutely accept that had she not told me about the acid, I never would have known, and that it therefore didn't have any direct impact on me or DD. I think it's more the case that if this bf is going to be around for a while (and I think he will be) then I needed to make my position clear now so that DFriend is aware if the situation recurs.

I honestly don't expect a discreet tip-off just for me and my speshul PFB but you make a good point, crumbs, and I'm wondering now how this would work - some kind of semaphore between the parents...!

OP posts:

InAGrump · 31/03/2014 20:10

Yanbu, you sound very reasonable in your whole post!

Bedsheets4knickers · 31/03/2014 20:07

Acid bloody hell, pretty hard core for daytime use. I was expecting you to say he'd had a spliff or something but acid . She should run for the hills and he needs to grow up!!!

Plateofcrumbs · 31/03/2014 20:05

Whilst I think you were a bit U to want a special discrete tip-off (just for you? What about other people with DCs?) - what right-minded person takes acid in a pub in the afternoon with kids running around? Just wrong

UncleT · 31/03/2014 20:01

Sorry Time - if there's one drug that really isn't addictive, it's acid. Whether or not he might use other drugs is of course a different question.

TheScience · 31/03/2014 19:52

Yabu

You don't need to know exactly who has taken what to be able to leave if you are uncomfortable with anyone's behaviour. You didn't even notice this bloke had taken anything so seems like a non-issue to me - it had zero effect on you or your child.

Timetoask · 31/03/2014 19:50

Your friend is going down a very slippery slope going out with someone who is clearly addicted to drugs if he cannot stop himself in a child friendly pub. He is bad company and I would stay well away from them.

CSIJanner · 31/03/2014 19:47

YANBU

Acid isn't a secret spiff on the side. It doesn't compare to having a drink - it's a class a drug which means, if caught, up to 7 years. She argued with him for taking in a pub at her party which she tried to make child friendly with the location. You've made it clear you would have left if someone was drunk so its not double standards.

He's lucky he didn't get caught or get a bad trip.

Brittabot · 31/03/2014 19:41

YANBU.
Why would anyone want to take acid at a daytime party with kids around, sounds nightmarish!
I would be very judgey of someone who took acid around my children.

Doingakatereddy · 31/03/2014 19:40

Acid?? At a pub on his girlfriends birthday - totally ridiculous.

It's a hard drug to be on & on occasion not a lot of fun even if you're experienced.

He sounds like a twat & it's totally bloody different from a glass of wine. These stupid comparisons do no one any favours

phonebox · 31/03/2014 19:40

YANBU

She chose a child-friendly pub, so is being a hypocrite in her attitude about drug-taking around children.

GreenLandsOfHome · 31/03/2014 19:31

I think yabu.

If you didn't even know he'd taken drugs until you were told then it's hardly bringing your dc up in an environment where drugs are 'normalised' is it?

nickymanchester · 31/03/2014 19:23

As others have said, totally the right thing to do.

What people do on their own in the privacy of their own home is up to them. Anything they choose to do around me or my family is my concern as well.

However, I don't want my DC to be around drug-taking, however discreet. I don't want her to grow up in a setting where social drug-taking is normalised

I totally agree with this sentiment.

BackforGood · 31/03/2014 17:51

I don't think I have as relaxed an attitude to drugs as many on here, but if you didn't know that they had taken drugs until it came up in conversation a week later, then I'm not sure why you are so up in arms about it - if no-one knew, then it clearly couldn't have affected them that much.

maras2 · 31/03/2014 17:48

ACID ? Who the hell does this at a kids party ? FFS who does this shit at all ? Wanker.

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