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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to leave my children alone in self contained basement bedsit below house?

58 replies

babbitsmum · 30/03/2014 20:08

DH, DD1 (5) , DD2 (3) and I are going to USA to stay at father-in-law's house for a fortnight. We 4 are going to be sleeping in a self contained basement bedsit underneath father-in-law's house. The bedsit has its own ensuite bathroom. The bedsit is not accessible from inside the main house. It has its own entrance from the outside. The house is in a quiet residential area and I believe it is not obvious from the outside of the house that the separate basement bedsit exists.

I have told my DH that when the children go to bed, one or both of us will have to stay in the bedsit with them. He is annoyed because he thought we would be spending the evenings together with his father-in-law up in the main house. Effectively it will mean one or both of us sitting in the dark with the children for the whole evening, perhaps reading with a small light, or going to bed early with them.

DH has suggested that we could stay in the main house but use a baby monitor. However, I am uneasy about this for a number of reasons 1. My instinct simply tells me I should not be leaving them on their own in what is effectively a self contained dwelling. 2. Young children should not be left on their own with access to a bathroom due to risk of drowning (this in my mind is possibly only a theoretical risk as both children are probably sensible enough not to run a bath by themselves/are unlikely to fall down the loo!) 3. If we heard sounds on a monitor that indicated something was amiss eg.sounds of the children in distress or noises of an intruder, would we necessarily be able to reach them in time, as we have to exit the house and go outside and down to the basement?

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable?! Or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
Rexandralpf · 30/03/2014 20:49

If put them to bed in the grandparents house.

mousmous · 30/03/2014 20:52

I would leave them. baby monitor sounds fine.

wheresthelight · 30/03/2014 20:57

coldlight of course it is the same thing. You are walking off and leaving the kids in a completely separate dwelling, with no supervision and a monitor is not enough! Who is to even say if the range would stretch far enough for a start.

Leaving them would be irresponsible and tantamount to neglect imo

Viviennemary · 30/03/2014 20:57

If you don't feel comfortable then don't do it. It doesn't sound like an ideal set up. But once you see it you might feel differently. I agree with fall asleep in main house and all go to bed together.

Kbear · 30/03/2014 20:58

My rule is if I'm not happy with the situation, then I don't do it. Assess when you get there, see how it feels then, and deal with it then.

I was told last year that I was "being silly" watching my kids swimming in the sea.... they are 12 and 15. Of course I ignored the "advice" from a friend who wanted my undivided attention in drinking beer in a bar and carried on sitting on the dock where I could make sure my kids were ok.

Do what feels right for YOU... always.

Coldlightofday · 30/03/2014 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacksLady · 30/03/2014 21:09

As said before, it`s a family holiday-take blankets/quilts into the main house or borrow them from main house & have a lovely time with FIL, settle his grandkids on the sofa to fall asleep if they want to at some point, carry on with your lovely evenings & then take your kids back to the separate dwelling when the adults want to call it a night!!
Its not like it will be a regular thing-its a holiday thing!!
Enjoy your holidays-whatever you decide to do!!

ContentedSidewinder · 30/03/2014 21:11

When ds2 was a baby he had severe reflux, he was asleep in his moses basket by my bed but I needed to be downstairs with ds1 to get him breakfast, we set up a monitor with a camera so I could see that he was ok on the laptop.

In his room we had a camera monitor so we could see him in his cot, again because of the reflux.

Personally, and my two are now 11 and 8, in your situation with a 5 and 3 year old I would leave them once they were settled but I would have a camera watching them. That way you are not deciphering noise but can actually see what is happening plus they will know if they need you, you will be there.

My friend lives in a 3 storey house and the nursery is on the top floor with the master bedroom. She had a camera monitor too, as it was two flights of stairs up!

This isn't the same as leaving your child in a hotel room and being a fair distance away with no means of monitoring the situation.

babbitsmum · 30/03/2014 21:16

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think even though some people have supported the idea of a baby monitor, I just would not feel comfortable with doing this. I do feel that it is a bit like leaving them in the house next door. I think the idea of settling them to sleep somewhere in the main house and then carrying them to bed with us later is a good one. I just hope that if they wake up when we pick them up they will go back to sleep again! I guess we are bound to have a few issues with sleeping anyway due to the jet lag...Will have a chat with father-in-law later about it! I feel less paranoid now which is good because father-in law will probably think the same way as DH. Thanks again.

OP posts:
thebody · 30/03/2014 21:18

are you coming back op?

I agree with those who suggest you settle them to sleep in fils house and then carry them to bed when you go.

all happy.

eddielizzard · 30/03/2014 21:18

yes i think you're totally right.

i'd try put them to bed in the main house and move. i think if you prepare well it will be fine. is there no chance of you all sleeping in the main house?

thebody · 30/03/2014 21:20

ha ha x posted you did.

your fil and dh will just have to suck it up and agree otherwise the holiday will consist if those 2 lemons staring at each other while you are in the basement. Grin

ThatOtherTime · 30/03/2014 21:24

I would do it without a thought, I would use a baby monitor and would not see it as any different to them being upstairs. However,I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. If you are not comfortable with them sleeping in the annex then you mustn't do it Grin. You are not wrong to feel uncomfortable about it.

I wouldn't worry about it too much until you get there and then you can see how it goes.

I wouldn't see staying in the dark while the kids are asleep in the basement as an credible option.

wobblyweebles · 30/03/2014 22:15

Can you spend the evenings sitting in the garden outside the bedsit? That's what we do most of the summer anyway - light a fire, squirt on some anti-mosquito stuff, and take a few bottles outside.

I wouldn't sit in the dark with the children.

rabbitlady · 30/03/2014 22:59

you are right. don't go.

maddy68 · 31/03/2014 19:24

It's only the same as them being upstairs in a house? Take a baby monitor. And check regularly.
I think they will he alright but only you can decide probably when you get there and see the bigger picture. Or just keep them up?

Suefla62 · 31/03/2014 20:10

Why do you have to sit in the dark? If you want to stay with the DC downstairs can't you just do your normal activities. As wobbly weenies said try and do something's outside in the garden.

eddielizzard · 31/03/2014 20:26

you might not actually want to spend all evening with your fil and you might be relieved to have the excuse to disappear!

surely you could watch telly downstairs on low volume?

BackforGood · 31/03/2014 20:33

I would be happy with the baby monitor in this scenario. It will just be like being on a different floor from them.

Safmellow · 31/03/2014 20:43

YANBU, I wouldn't do it, I would be too scared of there being a fire or something. Most important thing is that you follow your instincts - you might find when you are there you are comfortable with it. If not don't be browbeaten.

MissUumellmahaye · 31/03/2014 20:49

Envy at you people with kids who will just drop off on the sofa, DD would just get more and more overwound then start whining and being miserable!

ThatOtherTime · 31/03/2014 20:58

Mmm, sitting in the basement with an ipad and earphones might be an attractive option depending on you parents in law

MrsWedgeAntilles · 31/03/2014 21:19

Wouldn't it be a better solution for your PILs to move to the basement for the duration of your stay? Would that be possible? You all still be able to spend evenings together, you'd feel happier and the children wouldn't have to be moved about when they were asleep.

quietbatperson · 01/04/2014 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

splasheeny · 01/04/2014 14:34

I would do this, assuming the bedsit was secure, with a fire alarm and you had a baby monitor. It really is no different from having your children in a different floor of a big house. What about using the garden in the evenings and that way you would be nearer the children/be able to see the entrance I assume?