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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell me to get a grip, but I'm hurt

52 replies

Poopie123 · 30/03/2014 09:40

Yes, I know Mother's Day is made up crap, but I gave birth on Wednesday and nothing.

My older child is at his fathers house this weekend, although he gave me an early card before I went into hospital. My ex sorted that out with him, which was a nice thing to do.

Sat here this morning, in agony breastfeeding and still in pain from the section and dh has said nothing. Although he has emailed his mum to say happy Mother's Day and made a racket about getting her a card and posting it in time last week.

He even popped out yesterday to the card shop as ds is going to a birthday party mon eve, I thought he might have got me something from the baby then.

What really hurts is the day after my section it was his birthday. I took cards to hospital with me, got him a daddy one from the baby. The midwife even did the baby's footprints in it for me. He was so happy. But nothing for me?

I know I'm being stupid, but I've had such a shit pregnancy, the section was planned but actually it was horrific. I just thought there would be something.

OP posts:

bebows · 30/03/2014 09:43

Look on the bright side, you are the first mumsnet mothers day whinger for 2014

and you have a healthy child

YouTheCat · 30/03/2014 09:43

Aw Poopie. Crap pregnancy. 5 day hormones kicking in. x

Yes, he should have put some thought in.

wonderingsoul · 30/03/2014 09:43

i dont think ybu,

theres still loads of time to save today, can you ask your oh to sit down with you, watch a movie? order take out tonight?

congratulations on your newborn to. x

FutTheShuckUp · 30/03/2014 09:44

YANBU to be upset by this. But to be fair to your DH he has also got a new baby so his mind may be all over the place.

LovelyMarchHare · 30/03/2014 09:45

YANBU.

Congratulations on your new arrival and Happy Mothers Day!

CeliaFate · 30/03/2014 09:46

You're not being stupid, you've been through a massive operation, you're emotional, in pain and exhausted.
The least you could expect is a card! Especially as you were thoughtful enough to do the same for his birthday.
If he's usually crap with cards and presents for birthdays etc. then it could be just that.
Or he could be knackered, overwhelmed and just didn't think. Some men don't, they think "well you're my wife, not my mother."
Tell him you can't wait to get home to see your Mother's day card and present from the baby wink wink.
That'll give him enough time to sort something out.
Congratulations on your new baby and Happy Mother's Day!

Original poster

Poopie123 · 30/03/2014 09:47

First Mother's Day whinger. Now that made me smile.

Yeah well, he still made sure to remember his mother.

OP posts:

MimiSunshine · 30/03/2014 09:51

Don't let it fester. It's still early so just turn to him and say you are a bit upset that he hasn't got you a Mother's Day card from the baby.
That you know in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal but it has upset you especially as you sorted his birthday cards and one from the baby.

Ok so if he rushes out now you'll still feel a bit upset that you've had to prompt him, but he can't fix what he doesn't know about. So just tell him and then let it go.

My friend had a baby recently and I said to my BF that I hope her DH remembers to get her a card. My BF liked at me like I was mad and said does he need to? Some blokes just don't think of these things

mrsjay · 30/03/2014 09:56

YANBU lovey nothing else to say really he could have made the effort congratulations on your baby though tell him how you feel it is ok to be upset about this

WipsGlitter · 30/03/2014 09:56

Maybe he's going to give it to you later?

diddl · 30/03/2014 09:57

I don't think that you are being stupid.

I know that you're not your husbands mum, but I thought it was usual for parents to sort stuff out until kids were old enough to.

Congratulations on your baby & happy Mothers Day.

WottaTheOdds · 30/03/2014 09:59

First Mother's Day whinger. Now that made me smile

Well you are a nicer person than I am not difficult because that made me furious.

But yes you do have a healthy child. And you have raging hormones so of course YANBU.

A million congratulations and happy mother's day from me

HowContraryMary · 30/03/2014 10:00

You know, it probably hasn't actually dawned on him that you are a mother now. I know that sounds daft

Marylou62 · 30/03/2014 10:01

I forgot to get my DH a Fathers Day card when DS was only 3 weeks old. Just forgot. 23 years later and I still feel bad. Congrats on your brand new baby op.

fairyfuckwings · 30/03/2014 10:02

YANBU at all! Of course you should have had a card at the very least!

And a present and breakfast in bed. I fully intend to "milk" mother's day as I do every year!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 30/03/2014 10:02

I don't like shop bought cards and crap. But I would be hurt if dh said nothing- especially if he went out the way for his mum.

Congratulations on your baby!

mrsjay · 30/03/2014 10:03

You know, it probably hasn't actually dawned on him that you are a mother now. I know that sounds daft

more than likely he has been running around organising stuff his wife has just had a huge operation the last few days have been hectic still a bit rubbish though he forgot to get a card

Joules68 · 30/03/2014 10:05

Since when is a birthday on the same level as 'mothers day'.... There's no comparison!

Is this really over a card? Or are you more disappointed with his overall behaviour since the baby was born?

Draughts · 30/03/2014 10:05

YANBU (nor a whinger!), it is early on in the day though. He could have something up his sleeve . Whatever does or doesn't materialise today make sure you have your feet up & enjoy the day regardless. IMO no woman is ever unreasonable less than a week on from having a baby. Congratulations .

MsVestibule · 30/03/2014 10:06

Nice, bebows .

YANBU. I'm guessing he just didn't think as opposed to not caring, but I'd be pissed off too. It's not that difficult to make the leap from "Ooh, must buy a card for my mum. Oh, my wife's just become a mother, better buy one from the baby too."

But please, please don't let it fester. Tell him you're pissed off, see what he says. Is he normally fairly considerate?

tethersend · 30/03/2014 10:08

I would be fuming at the thoughtlessness. I don't care how much of a whinger that makes me

FFS. It's not difficult to realise you're a mother when you gave birth to his child ON WEDNESDAY.

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 30/03/2014 10:08

HowContrary I was going to say something similar, my lovely thoughtful kind amazing dh forgot my firs Mother's Day because he just didn't think he remembered his mum, even spoke about doing something nice for my mum, but it wasn't until the night before he said 'shit, your a mum not too aren't you! Dd needs to do something for you!'

It wasn't intentional, it just hadn't sunk in yet (I'll also point out dd1 was 5 months old at the time!!)

Happy Mother's Day to you, I hope the breast feeding becomes easier for you xx

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/03/2014 10:09

Bebow, that is extremely harsh. What's up with you? I'm guessing there are reasons behind your snippiness.

The OP has a brand new baby, it's a very exciting but emotional time. She hasn't mentioned anything about diamond earrings or meals out at the Ivy. Just a card.

OP, I got nothing the first Mother's Day as well. I did tell DH I was quite upset about it and his mum asked me what is got for my first Mother's Day and I had to say "nothing". MIL was shocked and told DH off. Dh said that he hasn't considered buying somthing on behalf of the baby and that he assumes that mums only start getting cards etc once they're at school and make them with teachers. So, er, it's fine for the teachers to help organise the kids with something nice for Mother's Day but not for the actual father of the child for the mother of his child?!

Needless to say, the second year he sorted a card and some chocolates, and I also got something that MIL had organised for me as she had been convinced that DH wouldn't bother again!

I am betting that your DH just didn't THINK to get anything. But you do need to tell him that he should have arranged a little something. £1 bunch of daffs and a card - it doesn't have to be a big deal. It's just the thought.

pictish · 30/03/2014 10:16

I sit on the fence with this.

OP - I do sympathise. You've just had a baby, your emotions are up and down and you feel a little recognition is in order, particularly as the perfect opportunity has presented itself in the form of Mother's Day.
Added to that, you thoughtfully made an effort for your dh's birthday, which has not been reciprocated.
I understand you feel hurt and somewhat dismissed as not worthy of the effort. I've been where you are - have a hug.

OTOH - I am shit with cards, anniversaries, and Hallmark occasions myself. He had no trouble remembering his mother because it is Mother's Day and she is his mother. It probably didn't occur to him to bother for you, not because of a lack of regard, but because you aren't his mother.

My advice is to tell him how you feel.

tethersend · 30/03/2014 10:17

I think bebow is trying to carve a name for herself as a 'harsh' poster.

It's quite sweet really.

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