Tell me to get a grip, but I'm hurt

[Poopie123]

Yes, I know Mother's Day is made up crap, but I gave birth on Wednesday and nothing.

My older child is at his fathers house this weekend, although he gave me an early card before I went into hospital. My ex sorted that out with him, which was a nice thing to do.

Sat here this morning, in agony breastfeeding and still in pain from the section and dh has said nothing. Although he has emailed his mum to say happy Mother's Day and made a racket about getting her a card and posting it in time last week.

He even popped out yesterday to the card shop as ds is going to a birthday party mon eve, I thought he might have got me something from the baby then.

What really hurts is the day after my section it was his birthday. I took cards to hospital with me, got him a daddy one from the baby. The midwife even did the baby's footprints in it for me. He was so happy. But nothing for me?

I know I'm being stupid, but I've had such a shit pregnancy, the section was planned but actually it was horrific. I just thought there would be something.

bebow
What pleasure do you get from being so nasty.

Congrats op. YANBU

Congratulations! Sorry about the pain though.

I think all you can do is say what you want calmly and clearly - it's not worth a row over. Many years ago I was about to get narky because DH went to work on Valentines day (in the days before children) and was so glad I hadn't when an enormous bunch of roses was delivered. Now, all the florists and stores are delivering today so how do you know that isn't going to happen.

Also, he might have meant to go out yesterday but with a toddler and a new baby and wife in pain it just might not have happened or might have been genuinely forgotten. And some men learn the hard way, DH had a dour father who never bought his wife a card or present for anything and DH had to be taught that it was normal behaviour to do so. He also gave the lame excuse one year of "you're not my mother; why don't you blame the DC, my teachers used to make us make a card".

Anyways up whatever he does you have a divine little baby and can sniff the new baby smell all day long. Now that's a pretty precious mother's day present. Hope your day gets better.

[cake][cake][cake]

bebow, what a nasty thing to say. If I'd just given birth and you said that to me, I'd be in floods of tears.
Op YANBU, hopefully your dp is just tired and not thinking straight, rather than being thoughtless. Congratulations on your brand new lo.

Try not to let it get you down too much, he possibly has just not let it sink in that he needs to do that for you yet. I understand how upset you are though - I wasn't bothered about a present from my 4mo but I wanted a card as a keepsake more than anything. My DP only went to the shops for it this morning, so there is still time!
Congratulations on your new baby xx

I'm another one wondering if he hasn't quite registered that although you're not HIS mother, you are YOUR CHILD'S mother and a card is in order.

I wouldn't argue about it, but a "can we have a photo of baby and me, since it's my first Mother's Day" might be enough of a hint to up his game for next year

YANBU!

What s horrible post bebow. Yanbu at all and for you op

Yanbu. Glare at him and remund him its mothers day whilst pointing at the baby. He will be out the door in no time.

Happy mothers day and congratulations.

The thing is, he's been ds stepdad for 4 years. He's always helped ds get presents/cards for me.

This is the first year ds has been away for Mother's Day, and I unexpectedly got an early card that he got while out with his dad.

have you said anything to him yet

I agree it's a bit crap.

But Happy Mother's Day from me, anyway. You sound like you deserve it.

No not yet.

Maybe I am being a bit over the top, he's been great. He's currently cleaning the house before going put to do the shopping and then on to collect ds and come back and cook dinner etc. So he is helpful, going out of his way to do things for me.

I know you are hurt but maybe he will pick up a card when he picks up your son you are not being OTT you have been through a lot just sounds like he has been running about like a blue arse fly

going out to do the shopping ..........oh surely, he'll pick up a card?? Please update

I agree mrsjay - seems like he's normally on the level, and given you have a brand new baby OP, I think you ought to cut him some slack on this.

He sounds like a good sort, so don't turn this into something it needn't be.

Well if he's going out to do the shopping just tell him you'd like a card please and you'll have one.

My dh did this. First mothers day, I got up at 5am with the baby while he had a lie in, no card, present, anything. I started crying about 5pm, and he felt guilty...next year, still nothing, a couple of days after his 40th, which I'd put a lot of effort into. I still think it's crap. And yes, I think Mothering Sunday is on a level with a birthday. Fathers' day etc are all made up, but Mothering Sunday is the only one with a history. I remind him the week before (several times) these days.

There might be a flower delivery on the way????

As it can't be 'from the baby' as yet, it might not have occurred to him.
Surely it would be more of a blow if your older child had done nothing?

It probably feels a lot worse with the hormones, his other helpful practical actions speak volumes about how much you are regarded, so yes I agree cut him some slack. he may well come back from the shops bearing flowers there were heaps left in Sainburys last night.

I can understand why you feel hurt. You've been through such a lot, and even though your DH is a knackered new parent too he still managed to make a fuss of his own mum.

At least he's being helpful, I guess.

Could you perhaps make a jokey comment when he goes to the shop, about him needing to help the baby get organised?

and for you (the baby told me to send those :))

Jesus wept.

Congrats on baby. Had three sections and hyperemesis through all three pregnancies so can really sympathise.
Anyway imo what matters is how loving and caring a husband he is. If he stands by your side, loves you then that would hold more importance than him not getting you a card. Card is a bit of paper. Its what we as people do that counts. Buying a card is easy. Staying awake all night with a baby to let your wife sleep. Now, thats what i call love. I agree with other people that it has not sunk in that your a mother. Anyway cheer up and just tell him. Honestly.

Well seen as he isn't sitting around watching sport, raise it as a joke. Ask him if the baby can come with him to the shops as baby has just told you they want to buy you a card.
He probably doesn't even remember that it's Mother's Day today, he's mentally ticked it off in his mind about 5 days ago and your eldest isn't there handing over cards to remind him that today is Sunday

Is he back from the shops yet? Did he buy a card? Hoping for an update