Would this annoy you, or am I being mean to think this way?

[giveadogabonio]

Me and two of my friends regularly use a local cafe.

We probably go in a couple of times a week and I guess we're known as being a trio as we always go in together after school run drop off.

Anyway, the lady who runs the cafe is really lovely and so friendly and treats us very warmly as regular customers.

She told us that she was struggling with her end of year accounts - one friend has an accountancy background and I have a secretarial background so this one friend and I spent quite a good few hours helping her with filing her accounts, general admin and stuff. We were very happy to do this for free.

Anyway, last week she came over when were at the cafe and offered all of us to come in next week and choose a cake from the cafe to take home. To be fair, she did not link this offer to any of the work we had done, and she offered it to all three of us.

Anyway, I decided that although it was a lovely offer I didn't want to take advantage or put her out. I didn't really discuss it with the other two, friends, though found out later that my accountant friend felt the same way as I did and that she didn't want to take advantage.

Yesterday, the third friend (who hasn't helped this lady in any way, nor ever offered to) mentioned something about the lovely cake she had.

I don't know why, but I just feel it's a bit mercenary of her to take off somebody who it would be quite easy to take advantage of purely because she is so lovely.

But equally the cake was offered so it's not like she ripped her off, so is it wrong for me to feel like that?

How would you feel?

Dear lord. If I was offered free cake I would take it in a second! Not really sure what you are annoyed at. Lady offers cake. Friend takes cake. No idea why you would not want cake and don't see how it is taking advantage of her.

Maybe she was extending the hand (with cake in it) of friendship.you think she is nice, perhaps she thinks the same about you three. This could be the beginning of a new friendship (with cake)

I know think I would secretly be thinking the same way as you, bonio - i.e. that friend 3 was being a bit grabby.

However, I've gone back to re-read your OP to try to figure out how on earth friend 3 got to the position of accepting a free cake, apropos of nothing, and I'm guessing if she had no idea about the work you did for the cafe owner, and maybe doesn't realise she's struggling, then perhaps she just thought it was a thank you for being such loyal customers...?

Does she know/suspect the cafe owner is struggling? Is she aware that you guys helped her out? Sorry if I've missed this upthread.

In any case, the more I see of Mumsnet the world, the more I realise that people are very, very different, and there are a lot of - not bad people per se - but unthinking, grabby, quite selfish, entitled people out there, who operate quite differently from what I would consider the social norm.

Very cakeless, take more cake next time.

C-

OP, I asked because it might explain why you and your friend refused the cake.

And yes, it's trivial but it's annoying when third friend has had plenty of opportunities to help but never does (her prerogative) but is front of the queue when the favours are being handed out, you know?
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like it is this one incident that has you at your friend for accepting the cake. It is the fact that its part of a larger behavior pattern. Which is a separate issue altogether.

Sorry - I did misunderstand your issue with her taking it. I think it was where you said this And yes, it's trivial but it's annoying when third friend has had plenty of opportunities to help but never does (her perogative) but is front of the queue when the favours are being handed out, you know? which put it in my mind, but I accept that was a bit of a leap based on other posters' comments.

In terms of her perceived grabbiness - could the cafe lady just have been very persistent with her offer and your friend couldn't refuse?

I think if you had donated a few hours of your professional time to me, for free, and were regular customers, I might feel it just good business to hand over a cake now and again. And she's right about that.

Your friend took a cake when it was offered. There's nothing wrong with that.

Whoops - cross posted.

Thank you all.

I shall conclude that IABU to be annoyed :)