Would this annoy you, or am I being mean to think this way?

[giveadogabonio]

Me and two of my friends regularly use a local cafe.

We probably go in a couple of times a week and I guess we're known as being a trio as we always go in together after school run drop off.

Anyway, the lady who runs the cafe is really lovely and so friendly and treats us very warmly as regular customers.

She told us that she was struggling with her end of year accounts - one friend has an accountancy background and I have a secretarial background so this one friend and I spent quite a good few hours helping her with filing her accounts, general admin and stuff. We were very happy to do this for free.

Anyway, last week she came over when were at the cafe and offered all of us to come in next week and choose a cake from the cafe to take home. To be fair, she did not link this offer to any of the work we had done, and she offered it to all three of us.

Anyway, I decided that although it was a lovely offer I didn't want to take advantage or put her out. I didn't really discuss it with the other two, friends, though found out later that my accountant friend felt the same way as I did and that she didn't want to take advantage.

Yesterday, the third friend (who hasn't helped this lady in any way, nor ever offered to) mentioned something about the lovely cake she had.

I don't know why, but I just feel it's a bit mercenary of her to take off somebody who it would be quite easy to take advantage of purely because she is so lovely.

But equally the cake was offered so it's not like she ripped her off, so is it wrong for me to feel like that?

How would you feel?

Just to clarify, andsmile there was no 'that cake' the offer was to come in to the cafe at some point next week (or the week after or whatever) and choose one from the cabinet that was out to sell to customers.

She didn't make a specific cake for my benefit - if she had have done that I'd have accepted it.

I am sorry but I think you are making something out of nothing here! I can safely say this wouldnt have even crossed my mind. Ever.

Quite cheeky for unhelpful woman to have snaffled a cake but I expect the cafe owner felt she couldn't direct the offer to two when all three of you come as a package.

I don't think it's mean to feel a bit taken aback. Would be a bit surprising if you didn't.

I think cake-taking friend was being grabby . I would tease her about it

How did I not know we had a emoticon???

OP, when you and your friend were helping this woman with her accounts did you get the impression that giving away 3 cakes would bankrupt her? If not, YABU. The cake was freely offered to all 3 of you. It was your choice not to take it. It seems strange that you would not take it, then be at your friend for taking it. IMO, it's a bit patronizing to think that accepting a free cake would be "taking advantage" of the cafe owner.

That's just what I was thinking Eurotrash. If the cafe owner is struggling then maybe it's because she keeps giving cake away

It could all depend on the circumstances when she got the cake. She might have had no intention of taking up the offer of the cake but happened to come in and was offered it again and again, and finally she took the lady up on the offer. Some people can be quite persuasive and wont take no for an answer. In that situation, i dont think she would have had a choice.

No, it wouldn't bankrupt her. But it's one giant cake that she could sell to customers and make money on that day, but now won't - if that makes sense?

She isn't making lots of money - she is just about getting by.

TBH, I don't see that any of this is relevant at all, since the friend who took the cake has absolutely no idea what the financial situation is so hasn't made her decision based on that. How can I judge her actions based on something she has no awareness of??

mumof04 - that's a good point. I don't know the circumstances around her taking the cake.

Other than that she took it on a day when she had popped in and wasn't in the cafe as a customer. I don't know why she popped in that day, I assumed it was to claim her free cake but it could have been for another reason and the cake was brought up again.

Did the third friend definitely know that you had been offered the cake as a quid pro quo for helping out with the cafe owner's accounts? Is it possible that she thought it was just a nice offer as a thank you for your loyalty?

I see why you didn't want to go in ....it's kind of like turning up and saying "I'm here for my free cake!"

Which would be weird. But you abu to be miffed that your friends are more hard faced than you.

Awfulmaureen - yes, exactly. People are talking as though she presented me with a cake and I declined.

It wasn't like that - the offer was to turn up, declare I had turned up for my free cake, point one out and walk off with it. Leaving an empty space behind so no one could buy chocolate cake that day.

Sorry, I'm actually dripfeeding now by saying all of this, and really hadn't meant to. I'm just trying to clarify that it wasn't a "here you go, take this gift" situation.

Yes...I wouldn't do that either...too awkward by far for me!

Dojo - it wasn't ever presented as quid pro quo - it was an offer made to the three of us, with no mention of the help given.

In which case, you might be incorrect in assuming that your friend realised that she was profiting from the work you did - perhaps she just thought she had been offered free cake and took her up on it!

I think you're incorrect dojo - I don't and haven't said I assumed my friend realised she was profiting from the work we did.

Araminta - a cake, a whole cake. Like, a massive cake that you can portion up into 20 pieces and charge £2 a slice for but doesn't cost anywhere near that to make

So someone was offered a free cake and took it?

What is the problem exactly?

She doesn't seem to have wondered about why it was bring offered.

It's like her thought process went "well it's being offered, so I'll take it".

Whereas for me, and other friend I think the thought process was "that's a nice offer. Do I need it? If I take it, she can't sell it. I think I'll leave it"

If she was throwing it out or something I'm sure I'd have taken it..but not this way.

Good question, Morloth.

I guess, as someone upthread has described it, it just feels grabby to me.

I didn't really think my friend was like that and it surprised me that she was so keen to get something for nothing.

I think you sound like a nice person who is massively, massively overthinking this.