To ask what you do when your child won't eat what you prepare for them?

[Seekingsense]

Do you not offer anything else until the next meal, offer a boring alternative, bribe them, or give in a give them food they want? Does it work for you?

I'm having trouble with 2yo DD's meals.

Today's lunchtime offering was a ham, cheese, tomato & red pepper omelette (made into a smiley face). DD has eaten this before. Today, she decided she didn't want it and just kept screaming "Yuck, I want an ice lolly instead." After about 30 minutes of screaming I managed to get her to eat 6 mouthfuls by promising her a mini milk ice lolly if she did. I feel like somehow, she 'won'.

In the past I've tried the 'take it or leave it' approach with no other offerings, except fruit/carrots etc in between meals. DD left it, kept whining for Frubes and cheese strings, left the next meal and then was hungry and wouldn't sleep so I ended up giving her toast in the night.

Tell me someone has cracked this problem and can tell me what I need to be doing.

Joanna Blythman's book "The food our children eat" is very good for strategies

I tell my 3 year old "if you are too full for dinner then you are also too full for yoghurt"

strangely enough he usually manages to eat some of his dinner ...

I don't offer alternates either. the rule is "dinner options : 1. Take it, 2. leave it"
and that applies to adults too

We're going through a lot of this at the moment. DS eats well on occasion but is not a gannet and is quite fussy. If he won't eat breakfast or lunch I just take it away and leave him to it. He probably does fill up on milk a bit too much, so am cutting down on that. If he doesn't eat much dinner I give him bread and butter at bedtime with a cup of milk. I find it horribly stressful and try not to let it get me down, but my god it's frustrating!

I have twins - one relatively fussy, one fairly adventurous. From the first bite their food personalities were clear and I would say fussy eaters are born but I have introduced an enormous variety of foods from the first bite, I cook at least one new recipe a week. We fed them the same foods but they were almost like Jack sprat and his wife - foodie opposites. Now I'm not calling dd fussy because my sil would whack me over the head if I did because she eats a lot of things fussy kids won't but compared to her twin she's very fussy and it's a bit annoying.
The less proper food she eats the fewer snacks I give, not that I ever encourage snacking, I like them to be properly hungry before they eat. I don't give my dcs a big plate of food, they can have more and they don't have to finish their plate. We don't do puddings, they have a homemade cake in their lunchbox. If they get fussy about eating their lunchbox - I threaten with school dinners - they are vile but I'd rather they didn't eat school dinners than waste the food I lovingly prepare.

I'm in the minority here. I think that 2yo is very young to understand the consequences of not eating something and waiting till the next meal, that hunger is an unpleasant sensation that at 2yo a child cannot rationalise, and that young children go through phases with food and are much more likely to get over them if eating is not turned into a battle.

DD gets a choice of 2-3 options, she eats such relatively small amounts it's very easy to keep left-over and generic stuff like pasta in the fridge for her, if she wants to refuse something for a while I couldn't care less (twice she's gone through a few weeks when she's refused all meat and lived on fruit and veg - fine) and she gets to eat more frequently than us (usually every 2-3 hours) because she is hungry. Now that she is 3yo we are starting to introduce the idea that if she choses something she has to make some effort to eat some of it otherwise she doesn't get something else immediately and that some foods are deserts and eaten after others.

Oh and I was a fussy eater as a kid - I didn't like over cooked meat and two veg and that was pretty much all we got, I still couldn't eat my mum's cooking every night, I always offer to cook when I go home and that suits us all.

DS is 17 months and I've being doing my best to make sure he's a good eater because the fussy eating of my nieces and nephews drives me crazy.

I would get rid of those exciting little snacks. They've been packaged to appeal and maybe have sugar.

DS eats what we eat for meals. If he stops eating his protein/starch/vege I offer him his fruit. If he didn't eat enough of the main I will offer it again but he usually eats a decent amount.

He's not always fantastic at lunch as it's around nap time so I try and keep some lunch aside to offer later as a snack. Eg it's often chicken breast so I'll reserve some of it in fridge and offer it as a snack with vege sticks later.

Snacks are just things like fruit, vege, rice cakes, naked bars. I'm always trying to come up with more protein rich snacks but he is dairy free.

Any treats are just foods we have out of the house. I would consider the things your DD is asking for treats.

One thing I think that can help is getting them involved in food prep. I noticed that children I have cared for who are great eaters love helping in the kitchen. DS has been helping since he has been steady on his feet. He's actually no help whatsoever but he has some utensils and handles all the veges etc

They say toddlers are big grazers too. So I think snacks are ok as long as they are like the components of a healthy meal.

No fuss, but no alternatives. But I try to be reasonable, I serve up tasty stuff that they have enjoyed before (spag bol, fish pie, stir fry noodles etc etc) . . . it's not like I shove a steaming mass of snail porridge in front of them. If the meal is unknown to them, or a more 'challenging' taste or texture I would just ask that they try a couple of mouthfulls of it and if they really don't like it then I would probably let them have a sandwich instead. I try and eat with them as much as possible. I am half Portuguese, and my cousins from there don't ever complain that their kids are fussy eaters, I think because from when they are babies they eat almost all their meals with the wider family. However thats not possible for my husband and I as he works until 7pm and I wait and eat with him . . . . .which is a big shame - I always notice how much better they eat when we're all eating together as a family at the weekend.

Ds1 (5) isn't that keen on fish, ds2 (2) loves it. If I serve fish, ds1 knows that if he doesn't eat enough then he doesn't get pudding. He will make an effort. We have a strict rule that they must try something if it's new. They don't have to clear their plates, but if they've left tons then they can't have pudding - which is usually fruit - as they're obviously too full.

If they don't eat much, I don't compensate with snacks.

When DS1 was younger, he went through a phase of only eating a mouthful then refusing anything but pudding. I wouldn't play that game. He changed tactic to eating really really slowly. I told him if you don't eat some of your meal by the time me and daddy have finished, it goes in the bin. I only had to do it the once.

They get involved in meal planning (what roast shall we have on Sunday?). But not to the extent that it's a faff.

I keep hearing this about a normal child not starving themselves etc. etc. no they will not actually starve, if the child is in the hands of a decent parent, because we would never let it get that far would we?

But I can assure you that when you can see your 3yo food refuser'fussy eater' not growing, her head looking too big for her thin body, constant tantrums because she feels like shit all the time and doesn't know why, waking several times a night, catching every germ going sometimes with only 4 days between illnesses, screaming with massive hard bowel movements stuck halfway out of her bum because of constipation due to her diet - when you see that happening to your OWN CHILD, its amazing how quick you lose the judgy pants and set to with feeding them whatever they will eat or drink, desperately hoping you can squeeze in more than two food groups.

Yes this happened to us and I've been in tears typing it cos I never want to be back there again, luckily 18mo DD has shown no sign whatsoever of being anything other that what I would call a normal eater, as is 7.5yo DS.

Middle DD is 5 now and things have improved slightly, her lasting memory of being 3 is that she was hungry :(. Oh and for the born vs made argument - she was like it from weaning onwards at 25 weeks. I'm sure it's a sensory issue as she's more likely to refuse hot or smelly foods.

DD is 3.5 and i generally get her involved in 'helping' to make meals and this works pretty well. She is a fab eater and rarely refuses to eat, if she doesnt eat something there is no alternative. Maybe once every 4 weeks we will have 'pudding' and this can be anything from fruit, ice cream, buns etc.

It isn't your problem. Stop giving attention over it. You have cooked it and offered it. Take it away without comment if it isn't eaten. You do not need to offer toast in the night! When she shouts and screams sound mildly surprised,and bored,and say that she will be if she hasn't eaten.
Don't cajole, bribe or give attention over it and don't comment if she eats it.
Gimcrack is right, don't play the game.
She may go a bit hungry to start with but she won't starve.

Yes I've cracked it. My kids eat anything. They are the best child eaters I know (i know tons) and are more versatile then some adults even.

I have always fed them what we eat. Never done sausages, fish fingers or other processed foods - always cooked a range of meals. As a family we often try new dishes and experiment.

We don't talk about the food and if they don't want to eat that's fine. However I will always save their meal if they don't eat so they can have it when they are hungry.

So If your child doesn't eat omelette, cover it and stick it in the fridge and offer it as a snack when she asks to eat. Tupperware is your friend if out and about. Chill packs are handy in summer.

Frubes are full of sugar - we use Greek yogurt with chopped up fruit. Also make your own ice lollies if you want to be a bit healthier.

I never make a fuss of what they eat, sometimes I've made something very quick without fuss or sometimes I just say we have nothing else in the house and they either eat it or they don't. It's never mentioned again.

I am speaking of the child in a mother / daughter never ending battle over food. I was genuinely a very small eater, didn't really like food at all as a child, not even cake or chocolate. My mother refused to accept that and let battle commence. I have awful food issues now. I'll never do that to my kids.

The trick is to not mind that they don't eat it.

I truly don't mind either way.

My two do not have any SNs, it is my job to provide them with a healthy nutritious diet and their decision as to whether they eat it or not.

Sometimes they eat, sometimes they don't.

They are still alive.

No battles.

Thanks again for all the advice. Operation 'take it or leave it' began yesterday.

I asked her if she wanted ham or banana sandwiches for tea. She said she wanted chocolate sandwiches. I left it 10 minutes and asked again. It went on like that for half an hour until she said she didn't want ham. So I made banana sandwiches which she ate without complaint.

I offered orange slices or blueberries for pudding. She refused them. She'll hardly eat any fruit.

She had Weetabix (no sugar) for supper which she loves.

So yesterday she ate: wholemeal toast, 6 bites omelette, a chocolate mini milk, a banana sandwich (one slice of bread) and one Weetabix. Not really a balanced diet.

I can't remember when I last got her to eat 5 a day.

I offer two choices at every meal... Take it, or leave it

I also find the constant snacking & carrying food around for kids odd.

I remember my son's friend coming to play & more or less the first thing he said was "I'm hungry, what is there to eat?".

I said "didn't you have any lunch?" he was

Did anyone else remember asking if they wanted anything between meals?

If it was judged too close to the next mealtime it was a no.

If it was a yes it was fruit or a yogurt!

I can't see the need for snacks. You are supposed to be hungry at mealtimes and I don't think that some children are because they constantly graze.

I tell them they are not allowed to eat their food. Don't eat your peas. I'll cry if you eat your peas. Definitely don't eat them. Works every time. As a variation, I sometimes load up the fork up with food, hold it in front of my dd's mouth, say how much I'm looking forward to eating my food, spot batman outside so have to look away for 5 seconds, then be outraged of mystified that the food has disappeared. It's a joke that's worked pretty much consistently for the last 2 years. Takes the tension out of it. Gives DC feeling of being in control.

Re snacking, it does depend on the child and their appetite though. Dd3 is 7 and has a very good appetite. She'll have a huge snack after school and still eat her dinner AND have bread and butter afterwards. I don't know where she puts it, she's so skinny!

Dd2 on the other hand eats like a bird.

I don't see the problem with snacking, so long as it's healthy food and balanced throughout the day. It's actually a healthy way of life rather than big meals we're not really designed for.

But how many cut down portion sizes of main meals due to snacks?

Snacks/treats are on the whole more affordable I think as well.

We rarely had sweets/crisps/biscuitschocolate in the house, they were just too expensive to have regularly.

The problem is that people never feel hungry. We are not designed to graze. If you are busy doing something you forget about eating, you are then hungry, eat properly and forget about it. Eating is something you tend to do when bored.
I gauge it according to how fussy I am. If I am hungry for a chocolate biscuit but not a rich tea biscuit then I am not really hungry and can do without.