To ask what you do when your child won't eat what you prepare for them?

[Seekingsense]

Do you not offer anything else until the next meal, offer a boring alternative, bribe them, or give in a give them food they want? Does it work for you?

I'm having trouble with 2yo DD's meals.

Today's lunchtime offering was a ham, cheese, tomato & red pepper omelette (made into a smiley face). DD has eaten this before. Today, she decided she didn't want it and just kept screaming "Yuck, I want an ice lolly instead." After about 30 minutes of screaming I managed to get her to eat 6 mouthfuls by promising her a mini milk ice lolly if she did. I feel like somehow, she 'won'.

In the past I've tried the 'take it or leave it' approach with no other offerings, except fruit/carrots etc in between meals. DD left it, kept whining for Frubes and cheese strings, left the next meal and then was hungry and wouldn't sleep so I ended up giving her toast in the night.

Tell me someone has cracked this problem and can tell me what I need to be doing.

If mine ( 2&4) don't eat what's in front of them then they don't get an alternative - though I will often give them a choice of what I will make before hand - pesto pasta versus fish etc I found that if they're hungry they'll eat, if not then they eat less but I warn them there is NOTHING till the next meal ( normal snacks like a rice cake excepted). I wrap some cling film around the meal they didn't eat and if they plead hunger offer it again They might have a light breakfast but then eat loads of lunch cos they're hungry.

They eat pretty much everything that we do with no fuss.

It's always worked, and we don't keep treats in the hse either - they get those if we're out somewhere. We also don't bribe them to eat with the promise of ice-cream etc after or do the one more bite and you can get down thing either because then it can be a battle of wills. If dessert is on the menu ( usually not!) they get it irrespective of how much main they've eaten so they don't associate sweets as the good food and the main as a chore. It's all just food.

The fusser is just allowed down from the table out of the way if they're kicking off...

This is the way our nursery handle it and we copied them cos it works so well!

To clarify, once they've had a bit they remember that they do like whatever it is and start eating properly!

DS is nearly two I always have something he likes on the plate and if he announces "all done" I smile and say "fine, just wait until I've finished" and move his plate out of flinging range. 90% of the time he'll pull it back for more it he hadn't eaten much in the first place. The rest of the time I assume he's genuinely not hungry.

No battles or bribery, and a decent supper and plenty of bm before bed if it was dinner he missed (may get stricter about this when he's older). He has 4 (small) meals a day so its never long until the next one, which I prefer to offering snack-type foods.

I agree with others who say they offer a couple of choices, I do this too with breakfast & lunch, eg "DD would you like egg & soldiers for breakfast, or beans on toast?" I try to stick to two choices as I think she gets confused by multiple options, but we might modify from there, she might say she wants egg but not soldiers and I might then say ok, do you want egg & potato or egg & beans?

But what really then makes me see red is after all these shenanigans I cook what she's asked for and she WON'T BLOODY EAT IT ANYWAY!

Great advice here op. I'm finding all the other comments helpful too. I was a REALLY fussy child and so am super aware of wanting to do all I can to help my dc to eat happily.

One other thing - if my dc have eaten carbs but left their protein then I might give them cheese cubes as a snack. Just helps to balance things out in my head.

Also, until dc were 2 I would give them part of their supper first - eg fish and veg. Then I'd give them pasta/rice. Otherwise they'd eat all the pasta/rice first and be too full for anything else. Separating them seemed to ensure the whole lot got eaten! I rarely do it now though because I want them to eat normally, but I do give small portions of pasta and then they can have seconds if they finish most of the rest of their meal. Carbs are v important but so is everything else on their plate.

It sounds as if she is just kicking off . Welcome to our world! I have a SN child who can't be reasoned with, I have to be manipulative.

I would seriously considering taking all sugar out of her diet, quick, before she learns how to order it online or toddle off to the shops with mummy money. Sugar is so much nicer than food. Of course she will turn down an omelette and hold out for a lolly or a yoghurt/from frais, now she is old enough to work how to do it. No sweet fluids of any kind: no fizzy drinks, fruit juice, squash, etc. Little tummies fill up fast, and sugar is sugar.

Otherwise I would have a very simple life, one thing on offer for meals, no alternatives, no choices but also nothing you know she doesn't like very much. Snacks are fruit or vegetables.

She is just about old enough to do cooking. Letting her decorate a frozen pizza base might be a good place to start. Making a salad herself is another one.

Summer is coming. Get some baby vegetable plants and make her very own veg patch. Little tomatoes, carrots, salad leaves, radishes; courgettes are fun, they grow like fuck which is funny when you are two years old.

I've just read the whole thread. Why would you offer a toddler a choice? That's just asking for trouble. It should be 'this is what we are eating for this meal, eat it or don't eat it, that is your choice'.

It does help if the whole family eat together, as then the conversation takes the emphasis off food.

Oh, and I wouldn't offer something which I knew they hated - not for a few months.

And no child who is rolling food around in their mouth, obviously not hungry, should have to eat any more - but that's a fine judgement call.

There is usually a few things on the plate, so mine will generally eat something. I don't cook alternatives, but I try not to cook things I know they hate.

I give a fair amount of time, then I just take the plate away. If they spend too long messing about, then there isn't time for pudding, but if they have tried, then I will offer pudding - usually fruit or yogurt.

I think sometimes they're just not hungry, they don't do it every day by any means.

My only rule with DD (3) is that she sits with us and that she tries everything once. I never make an issue of her not eating and if she doesn't want it, I'll take it away after a decent interval. She is always offered fruit and water too.

My mum is fab but she had a pathological obsession with us finishing our dinner regardless of the portion size and often bribed us with dessert. My DH's parents also made productions of meal times. I never leave a plate without emptying it and my DH has only recently started to eat food outwith a very restricted comfort zone.

We are both really chilled out about DD's appetite. Everything she is offered is healthy and it's her choice whether she eats it or not. Incidentally, DS (10mo) is a bottomless pit and I am making more batches in a week than I used to in a month with DD (wails)!

As long as I know it is something he likes I leave him if he doesn't eat it he gets nothing else.

A couple of times a week I try to let him pick the meal we have - either free choice or an option between a couple of things.

Did you ask her what she would like to eat? You can't just assume that she wants what she gets. I offer 2 choices and if that is not wanted I assume my daughter is not hungry and i do not offer anything else. Fruit is the only snack I offer but offer 2/3 different fruits (depending what's in the fruit bowl). I have found that as they grow children's appetites shrink and they eat less then when they are chubby babies. I have learnt that my daughter will not perish if she eats 3 pieces of cucumber for lunch which is what she had yesterday!

Busybusybust - I offer my toddler a choice because it works.

The only thing I offer if they don't eat dinner is Weetabix!
Its filling enough if they genuinely didn't like what we had, but not tasty enough for them to skip a main meal for!

They usually like lunch foods which tend to be a bit more snacky so I don't usually have a problem there.

What do I do? What HAVEN'T I done lol! I've tried everything over the years.

Now with the experience of having 3 dc aged 12, 11 and 7 - my approach is what a very experienced mum told me once. She'd brought up four children. More or less it is this 'give them what they want to eat when they're little, they'll eat better/a wider variety of food when they're older'. This doesn't mean making a million different meals if they don't like the food but, for example, I don't see anything wrong with making them a sandwich if they don't like the meal.

I look back to my own childhood - I was a terribly fussy eater. And you know what - I grew out of it when I was ready. At some point children become more interested in food and different flavours, their sense of smell develops more at around age 10 I think, other influences take hold. How I eat now is NOTHING to do with what my mother did or didn't do. In fact I eat a wider range of foods now than she does.

Oh and as for the trying something 20 times before they like it? Rubbish. Some foods my dds have liked straight away and others I could give them 100 times and they'd still not like it.

-Try and make a part of each meal something you know they'll like

-Limit junk food in the house so it isn't always available

-Nothing wrong with sandwiches/yoghurt/fruit

-don't stress about it - 2 year olds often eat very little

-remember it's a HOME not an army camp. It may be unpopular on here but nothing wrong with making favourites. It's just a nice thing to do sometimes.

I offer a choice between 2 things at lunchtime and sometimes it works (Ds is 2). Sometimes he picks something and doesn't eat it anyway, but then I figure he can't be that hungry. If he doesn't eat it - that's it, he doesn't get anything else.
One thing he loves is when we all eat the same (always at evening meals) must make him feel like a big boy because he spends the whole of dinner saying Mummy, Daddy dinner same as mine.

I serve one meal and kids and can eat or not I won't offer anything else I believe that's how fussy eaters are created why would you eat your dinner of mummy will make yummy chips every time you winge

My kids ar quite greedy love pudding so they usually eat so they can have that I don't offer anything else to my big one my little one will get a small and I mean small pice of fruit of veg which usually they don't want either.

This is not a pizza express and I don't take orders

Some great advice on here. Thank you.

PoppySeed2014 I've just this minute purchased some ice lolly moulds from Amazon to try out your recipe.

Two big hurdles I face are:

1. I think I started off on the wrong foot with food. Although she'd initially eat anything, as soon as she was introduced to things like 'sausage, chips & beans', crisps, goodies etc. she started refusing good food. I know it's my fault in the first place, now I'm struggling to get past it.

2. She's looked after by family three days a week and they really struggle to see what is healthy i.e. they think she's had a healthy meal if she's had cheese on mini cheddars, followed by crisps, followed by a chocolate. I've tried to ask them to limit to one treat a day, but they don't see mini cheddars or crisps as a treat. As they look after her for free (I know we're very lucky) I can't demand they provide fresh cooked food & endure my daughters tantrums and they'd be really offended if I provided the food as they truly believe what they're providing is healthy.

eek, well 2 is an issue.

But still, you can have family rules that apply at home. What happens at granny's stays at granny's.

1, meh, they have short memories. Dont take her opinions too seriously

Looking on the bright side, you can play hardball at home. She's not likely to starve if she has refused food with you, if she can fill her face with rubbish tomorrow at granny's house.

but on 2. you could suggest that she has a veg patch at granny's. They could grow it with her as an activity?

I believe that's how fussy eaters are created

Nope - born, not made. Otherwise how do so many families have children of varying degrees of fussiness when the parenting is the same?

I just say ok and take it away, always have done. They do still get pudding though, if were having it which is only about 50% of the time. I don't give them anything else. I never force them to eat anything even if they just leave all the veg.

I should add that sometimes I have crying and complaining (even though I have been doing this for their whole life) I figure they might be hungry, but hungry is not going to kill them. Plus if they do refuse food, well maybe they're just not hungry that day, they're kids not anorexics.

Sorry dancergirl I'm also in the 'made not born' camp (largely.)

6 mouthfuls in a tiny tummy isn't bad anyway OP - you did get her to eat it so she didn't win - if you had given her the lolly before she ate anything then she would have won

Think about how much she can fit in her tummy - not much really.

I have a fussy eater - have been there, done it, got the t-shirt. He is 11 now and gradually getting better but it can be frustrating if you let it be.