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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these comments when trying to lose weight are silly

38 replies

Ticklishy · 27/03/2014 14:07

I am at the top end of overweight on the BMI chart, and have in recent months entered the obese zone for a while, as pointed out by my doctor.
I generally try not to eat too much (but I do cook nice dinners so it's hard) and usually say no to cakes and biscuits at work.
Whenever anyone, particularly at work clocks my efforts not to over eat, or eat extra, they always look concerned and say things like:

"Don't starve yourself"
and
"Don't go too far and lose too much weight"

I need to lose weight, I am clearly incapable of going hungry and am a good 5 stone away from being too thin.

AIBU to think these are stupid comments?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 27/03/2014 14:11

They are concerned tho. Concerned you'll lose weight and become thinner than them......... Smile

redskyatnight · 27/03/2014 14:12

I think you may be reading too much into it. I suspect they are meant to be jokey semi-supportive remarks.

What is the alternative response to you (e.g. to you saying you won't have a biscuit as trying to lose weight)?

Ignore you and say nothing (rude)?

Agree that you do indeed to lose weight and shouldn't eat so many biscuits (also rude)?

bubblegoose · 27/03/2014 14:35

They are very silly. Do they think you won't be able to disembark from the diet and will just fade away?

Original poster
Ticklishy · 27/03/2014 14:36

Yes Saucyjack I hope so…!

redskyatnight
No, they say it with great seriousness - and only after probing about why I don't want a biscuit!

OP posts:
graceholl · 27/03/2014 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogslegs35 · 27/03/2014 14:57

Don't starve yourself.

Answer with = starve myself, pah! when was the last time you were on a diet? There's no chance of starving with all of the healthy foods that I can have.

Don't go too far and lose too much weight.

= I won't. I'll stop when my BMI is within the healthy limit.

Or you could just ignore them.

formerbabe · 27/03/2014 15:08

I get those comments too, usually from really slim women.

NurseyWursey · 27/03/2014 15:08

I think they're being supportive

CheerfulYank · 27/03/2014 15:11

I think a lot of people have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like. I told a friend I needed to lose 30 lbs to have a normal BMI. She was horrified and said "but you'd be skin and bones!" Hmm

Burren · 27/03/2014 15:31

They're dopey, if well-meaning, comments, which have nothing to do with you, but with certain other people's discomfort at someone choosing to refuse a 'treat'. In some cases, it's because they feel they shouldn't be eating whatever it is either, but if everyone else does, they have 'permission', only you've ruined that, with your self-control etc etc.

My mother is exactly like this, and doesn't get that it's not gracious and hostessy to present someone who is desperately trying to lose weight on medical grounds with cake, and say 'Ah, have a small bit' every five seconds.

I gather it's even worse if you give up drinking, but presumably at least that's not going to happen in your office every morning...

Smilesandpiles · 27/03/2014 16:00

All you need to say is:

"I'll take your advice on board when you become my doctor"

Usually works wonders, espcially when said in a bad mood.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/03/2014 16:04

"Don't starve yourself"
and
"Don't go too far and lose too much weight"

Just 'don't worry, I wont' should do it.

AmberLeaf · 27/03/2014 16:09

They are trying to be polite in an odd way.

I suppose it is better then them saying 'cor, yeah you could do with losing a few pounds'

Latara · 27/03/2014 16:22

I get this too.

I've got 2 stone to lose before I get in the 'healthy' BMI range yet thinner people are constantly warning me ''not to lose too much weight''...

Smilesandpiles · 27/03/2014 16:25

It's only ever from thinner people though or those who are on fad diets themselves.

You've got to laugh really.

TheBakeryQueen · 27/03/2014 16:28

It's quite awkward really, knowing what to say to someone on a diet who is overweight. If you nod or agree then it's basically calling them fat.

They're just trying to be nice and non-offensive I should imagine.

No win situation really.

IdkickJilliansAss · 27/03/2014 16:33

Saucy has it!

IdkickJilliansAss · 27/03/2014 16:34

If someone turns down a biscuit you don't HAVE to say anything

Mrsfluff · 27/03/2014 16:36

When people at work offer me cakes and biscuits, rather than say no, which leads to questions and sabotage, I say breezily that I'll have one later thanks. That tends to keep them at bay for a bit Smile

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 27/03/2014 16:40

Saucy has it spot on

I remember when I was successfully dieting after DD was born, I was finally into my 'healthy weight range' but still wanted to lose another half stone, the skinniest of my 'friends' went on and on about how I shouldn't lose too much and would ply me with cake at any opportunity. She weighed nearly 2 stone less than me and was about 8 inches taller.

I think she liked me being the 'chubby one' in the group. (NB: I'm still the chubby one, but not in her group) Grin

AntoinetteCosway · 27/03/2014 16:45

People always comment when it's none of their business. I lost 5 stone in 2012 and went from 'obese' to 'normal' in terms of BMI, and an 18 to an 8/10 in dress size.

As soon as I got pregnant again and it became obvious, two women I know said 'oh good, you had got far too thin.' Er, thanks. For the first time in my adult life I was a healthy weight, fit and felt good about my body. Hardly cause for concern but it's nice to know you're glad I'll be putting weight on again...!

HellonHeels · 27/03/2014 16:48

I never talk diets, it only leads to trouble. Good refusals are:

I'll have one later
I'm not keen on hobnobs / bourbons / whatever biscuit
I've just cleaned my teeth
I need to watch my blood sugars (which is true in my case - family history of diabetes)

ouryve · 27/03/2014 16:50

Maybe you could print this out for them
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26765078

consideringadoption84 · 27/03/2014 17:03

Mostly, I think YANBU.

But very overweight people can also end up on horrible starvation diets etc.

A colleague of mine is trying to lose 7 stone (she has already lost 2 over the last year and a half or so but I think she's finding it very hard to get any further.) My BMI is normal but I do have a very fucked up relationship with food which she knows about. She sat down next to me the other week and asked me if I thought she could give up eating forever. I laughed and said no of course not. Then I actually looked up from my work and saw that she was crying. She was so fed up of no results that she was on her 4th day of fasting and completely exhausted. She may be obese but she still needs to be careful with her diet plans.

RufusTheReindeer · 27/03/2014 18:34

YANBU

I have lost a stone (just over) and am just in healthy bmi. Would like to lose a further stone to get me in the middle. (Still a stone and a half heavier than I was pre children)

A very lovely friend said that I shouldn't lose anymore weight as I would look gaunt and ill

So I said if the lowest healthy bmi for me is about 9'6 and the highest about 11'7 how much do you think I weigh now.

10 stone apparently!

Bless her, and I have absolutely no doubt that she was being really nice!

It should be what we feel happy with, "overweight" or not. But everyone has an opinion!