AIBU to consider leaving job because leave to spend time with dying mother has been refused

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Mother is very sick and has only a month or two to live. I live abroad so popping back and forth isn't possible at short notice. As this has happened so quickly, I have asked for a holiday to be extended by 3 days to be able to spend more time with my mother.

Boss said no - I am a teacher and this a very important exam period for the kids. I need the job, I definitely need the money. Part of my says just walk out the door now, another part of me says that people go through this type of situation all the time - being away from loved ones and not physically being able to see as much of them as possible due to work and distance.

I am planning to leave asap, but realistically that won't be possible for another couple of months, by which time my mum will have gone.

AIBU to hand in my month's notice and just bugger off?

Hope you get to spend some time with your mum. If it means resigning then do it. You will never get back this time.

If it is any consolation I went off sick in the middle of my Mother dying. It took that length of time for me to realise that I wasn't coping well enough to be at work.

I then cried for about 3 days solidly and not just about my Mum.

It gets better. Honestly.

I don't know what country you are in, but in many countries employers are required by law to give employees time off for family emergencies. Even my home country, which isn't great when it comes to worker protection, has a law requiring employers to grant unpaid leave to employees with sick/dying family members.

OP, you need to research the law regarding your situation. Are you entitled to compassionate leave (how much?), how much time do you genuinely feel you need? Could you speak to the doctor about your situation and explain the amount of stress and worry you are under? They may provide you with a sick note.

I actually think schools are an incredibly toxic place to work and at busy exam periods teachers are expected to put everything on hold for the pupils. This is one thing you cannot put on hold, OP and I hope you have the time to spend with your mum. xx

Another one thinking you should get the doctor to sign you off for stress.

It's all very well wanting to stand up for yourself, but that won't pay the bills. Why should you suffer because of your boss's stinky attitude.

The stress of your mother and then the stress of job hunting would probably send you over the edge anyway.

I agree with those saying leave to spend time with your mother, but do so in a way that protects your employment rights. Whether that is compassionate leave, or sick leave, or whatever, get some professional advice on how to do this.

You only have one mum...spending time with her now is worth more than any job. Re the job of you have a union, see doctor re sick leave. Sending you strength but your mum is more important than your nasty boss. I'm shocked he didn't let you have time off. Hugs x

Go to your doctor and be totally honest with him/her about the stress that this has put you under. I did this when my DS was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery at the other end of the country - I asked for 1 day of compassionate leave to go to him and was refused because my then boss had the day off.

I went to my GP, told her what had happened (in tears by then) and she simply said, 'One week or two?' - so instead of me not being in work for 1 day, I was off for a week... Their loss.

I was able to be with my DS at a very stressful time for both of us - I will never forget that look of relief on his face when I walked into the ward......

My GP signed me off sick when I was in this situation. I was genuinely too stressed/emotional to go to work and got no compassionate leave. I was caring for a dying parent at home. I couldn't even leave to see the GP and got the receptionist to get the GP to ring me and was just sobbing down the phone to them.

You need to be with your mum.x

You won't get this time back with your mother but I do understand that you need this job for now for money. I wouldn't quit. Try to get your doctor to sign you of with stress. Could you just call I. Sick once your holiday is over - they can't fire you on the spot, there are processes that take time.

Go to your GP just before the holiday and get signed off. And I agree with the advice to contact your union if you are in one. Rubbish of them to risk losing an employee altogether over 3 days, especially given your reason for asking.