To ask DH to give me money for some new shoes for DD instead of getting me a Mothers day present

[VulvaVoom]

don't get me wrong, i would love a gift but almost 18 month old DD is rapidly growing out of her shoes. WIBU to suggest we get her some shoes instead - i definitely can't afford to pay for them.

Oh ginnybag. That kind of makes sense - although still not quite sure I understand
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I think I'm reading it like you, ginny, but it is confusing.

OP, I think you need to say something like "hey DH, would love a card and a cup of tea in bed on Sunday. Don't worry about buying me a present though as we've got a few things coming up we need to spend money on, in particular dd needs a pair of shoes imminently"

I would imagine there are loads of households where finances are tight and practical things need to be bought rather than a bunch of flowers. Including ours, over the years. You adapt accordingly.

You're basically just saying, "DH the money you would normally spend on a present for Mother's Day this year would be better spent on shoes for DD. I'm more then happy with a homemade card/breakfast in bed/whatever."

Nothing wrong with that!

crosspost with Bowlersarm!

Just get the money from the joint account for the shoes and if your DH wants to buy a small gift where is the harm.

Oh right so your a bit tight on money, I would buy shoes and go for a nice walk, budget meal or something. In our local oub by the lake for example, 2 meals for £10

Don't blame others for their reactions to your badly worded post OP, and it was indeed very badly worded. You created entirely the opposite impression to the one you meant, but that's your responsibility, you wrote it, people are just replying on the basis of what you wrote.

If you work part time and he works full time, surely he earns more and should pay for more DD related stuff... Do you have, just to be clear, equal 'pocket money' just for yourselves? None of my business, of course, but your OP sounds very like people are assuming.

In our house we have had part time, full time, SAHM and a mixture. Always make sure there is joint money for shoes and equal fun money.

Shoes for your DD should come before a Mothers Day present if you can't afford both.

Surely you are on the poverty line if you can't afford to get your DC a pair of shoes

And if you couldn't afford a pair of children's shoes when they have outgrown theirs, why would you even consider luxuries like mothers' day presents, or any presents for each other as adults. I am confused.

Here's the thing...it's not that he's buying shoes for Mother's Day...it's that at the moment, as a family you can't afford to celebrate Mother's Day with a gift.

We have similar discussions. "You know that bracelet I wanted for my birthday DH? We'll have to leave it...DD has a school trip."

OP it's not that you're getting DDs shoes AS your Mother's Day gift but INSTEAD of.

Yes, that makes sense, AwfulMaureen. If we were really struggling we'd rethink our finances & probably reduce our personal monthly spending / "pocket" money in order to put more money into the "family spending" pot.

The end result would be the same - we wouldn't have enough spare cash to buy each other Mother's / Father's day presents. But we wouldn't frame it in terms of buying essentials (children's shoes) AS our presents.

But if you have a joint account how do you know who that £13 belongs too? If you both pay in to the account your DH isn't paying for everything!

I'm with you Op .. I know your post came across wrongly ... children, pets house come before parental indulgence!

So yes, shoes before flowers! Thats what us parents do.

I am with the OP. I read the post as rather tongue in cheek, but it has been taken literally by plenty on here and morphed in to financial abuse.

Not every couple who maintain separate accounts are into financial abuse.

I just read it a bit martyrish tbh.

If you are not bothered about money spent and bought gifts, then just say 'please don't bother going overboard for mothers day, I'm not really fussed about gifts etc'.

If your daughter needs shoes, buy her shoes (from the joint account).

No need to be a martyr about it all and don't understand for the life of me why you would need to ask other people if it was ok.

That's the thing, isn't it -it's a complete "no-brainer" that money should be spent on shoes rather than gifts, so why on earth would you need to ask? And in AIBU of all places!