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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh thinks I am the one being unreasonable.

33 replies

PeabodyRocks · 23/03/2014 17:17

We had a long standing engagement booked for next week. Its a sporting event that Dh and dc do. This year (8 weeks ago) dh offered for me and him to organise it this year. I hate the sport but was happy to help him out.

Now he has told me that he can't make it because of a social occasion at work.

I think that is bang out of order because now I am left holding an event that I would never have offered to do if he hadn't asked me to help.

He thinks that because he said yes to the work social he cant now say no and explain that he forgot he already had something on that night. And he doesn't want to say no, he wants to go.

I am furious with him and he cant see why. This is nothing to do with his job - its purely social.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Morgause · 23/03/2014 17:19

Refuse to do the other event without him. Let him explain why to the others.

Original poster
PeabodyRocks · 23/03/2014 17:22

I can't do that Morgause. I really, really want to do that, but I would never back out of something I have agreed to do unless it was absolutely unavoidable, and its too short notice to rope other people in now.

OP posts:
User3433399 · 23/03/2014 17:25

He's being unreasonable (and a tool£ he needs to take responsibility for double booking and just tell work. Sounds like he just wants a night out!

whois · 23/03/2014 17:25

DH is being totally U. If the work thing is purely social than he can easily give his apologies and say he got his dates mixed up and he has to do the sport thing.

How on earth can he not see why you're annoyed??

MrsNellyLovett · 23/03/2014 17:26

He agreed to do it. You agreed to help him. He's not doing it so no need for you to help. Put the responsibility back on him where it belongs and don't be a martyr.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 23/03/2014 17:28

He's being a prick! Of course he has to cancel his work social do - he made a commitment and he needs to honour that, not fob it off on you!

MisForMumNotMaid · 23/03/2014 17:29

Any chance he could do the first part of the shared event then the works social?

Nat38 · 23/03/2014 17:29

I would back out aswell!!
It is something that your DH & DC do together, not you-you are just a spare part asked to help out!!
Your DH has had a better offer so is leaving you to it knowing your attitude on backing out-the easy option for him to do something that he fancies doing more!!

Original poster
PeabodyRocks · 23/03/2014 17:31

MisForMumNotMaid he has suggested that but I am so pissed off with him about it that I told him either come for the whole evening or just sod off (and yes I know that bit is me BU)

OP posts:
GimmeDaBoobehz · 23/03/2014 17:33

Back out.

He'd lose face so he'd end up having to cancel work social - so he'll do it in the end anyway.

So nobody will lose out really.

MisForMumNotMaid · 23/03/2014 17:34

Its mothers day on Sunday. Remind him with a list of suitable things he could help get from the DC.

Keep the upper hand.

Leeds2 · 23/03/2014 17:35

I think I would withdraw my offer of help with the sport event, and leave him to sort out replacement cover.

CailinDana · 23/03/2014 17:37

Exactly what Nelly and Nat said. You didn'g agree to do it, you agreed to help. No Dh, no one to help. The only reason he's walking all over you (and expecting you to like it) is because you're doing a fine impersonation of a doormat.

ivanapoo · 23/03/2014 17:37

Your DH is BVU. He messed up and is expecting you to pick up the pieces.

Buckteethjeff · 23/03/2014 17:37

He knows you won't back out. What an arse.

uselessidiot · 23/03/2014 17:38

I agree, don't do it. His problem not yours.

Gen35 · 23/03/2014 17:46

Completely u of dh. Cancel and teach him a lesson about taking your wishes seriously.

Suefla62 · 23/03/2014 17:47

My children have been taught that once you have a commitment you don't change it if something better comes along. Tell him to grow up and honour his commitment. If he doesn't don't do it.

gamerchick · 23/03/2014 17:50

If you really really won't back out or let him find cover for it then you have to tell him you're done then and never ask you for help with it again.

Then stick to it.

He does not care he's dropped you in it.

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 17:59

The only reason I would do it would be to not let DC down.

He would also have to make sure he done something very nice as a way to say thank-you.

GertTheFlirt · 23/03/2014 18:03

Social occasion at work? No, not unless it is the blue chip chairmans stag night and its massive brownie points, triple time in lieu and a six figure bonus.. If it is little Flossie from accounts 32nd birthday BBQ - no!

Tell the DH to man up, decline the work do and take his children to the even he promised.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/03/2014 18:43

Ok - how is backing out of the work social worse than backing out of an event that HE is arranging?

You don't arrange something for other people and then just back out like that - you honour your arrangements. And you don't ask someone to help and then walk away leaving them doing it all. That is not on at all.

softlysoftly · 23/03/2014 18:47

He's holding the fact he knows you won't back out over you.

Shock the fucker and say its off and you won't even be telling anyone, you are doing nothing for it.

Mean it!

YouTheCat · 23/03/2014 18:59

Say you're not doing it. Even if you have no intention of backing out. That way he'll have to do it.

whomadeyougod · 23/03/2014 19:07

yabu if you carry on with this event , if he can back out so can you , it will be him that looks like a let down , why should you care .

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