To think schools should do more to boost our DCs' confidence

[phonebox]

Disclaimer: I'm no expert on what most schools currently do to help shy children, but just going off what I have witnessed.

I was cripplingly shy as a child and adolescent and know that it has really delayed my career. DP is the same; and I'm worried about our DCs heading down the same path. I can't help but notice that all the more extrovert, confident and socially bright schoolmates of mine have all had a headstart on their careers as it were, and although DP and I were given all the best academic opportunities at school, we feel stunted by our early lack of self-confidence. Even now, I feel disadvantaged by my nervousness and lack of social polish in the workplace.

I know I would trade-off some of my academic success for more confidence to speak up for myself. And I would likely be far better off for it now.

With qualifications becoming less valued in favour of work experience (which IMO is greatly aided by a bucketload of networking), AIBU to think schools should be showing shyer children the benefits of networking and maybe having weekly interview skills lessons or similar, all the way from primary school upwards?

Or do they already do this, and just aren't plugging the benefits enough?

I agree with other posters who have pointed out all that schools currently do to boost the confidence of children. A large part of my responsibility in a school is spent leading activities that contribute to building self esteem and confidence.

However, I have to say that I am always amazed to hear parents who think this should be the responsibility of schools. I would never expect anyone else to take on responsibility for this as I see it as such a integral part of my role bringing up my children. Why should anyone else be responsible for it?

I will never forget one of my first parents' evenings as a new teacher where a parent told me I wasn't doing my job as her daughter had continued to be shy since she joined secondary school and she expected the school to spend a lot more time building her self - confidence. I pointed out that it was clearly part of her daughter's personality by this stage to be a quieter member of the group and she went mad saying that I must do more to change that as she (the mother) didn't like that quality in her child.

I'll certainly add it to my list of demands to my teachers tomorrow (HT here)

1. Teach the children everything they need to know
2. Teach them everything the parents should already have taught them
3. Be blamed for everything they can't do
4. Make them more confident

What do you think we do all day???

I'm sure the apparent greater confidence in the independent sector comes from smaller class sizes. Simply more attention and time devoted to building their confidence. Unless you happen to have one of the rare state schools with small class sizes, it's an impossible ask and a pointless comparison. That's exactly what they're paying extra for.

As for public speaking, it's the no1 fear for most of the population. There's no miracle cure. Getting older helps you care less I think but it really isn't something schools can sort, any more than they're trying already. Being shy has its strengths too, as others have said. Do what you can at home and as long as schools aren't actively knocking your dc confidence down, chances are they're doing what they can with what they've got.

I haven't read the whole thing, but I have heard that drama classes can be excellent for shy children. If your children do have a problem with shyness maybe you should look into this.

I worked out that 2/3 of my children's waking time is spent away from school. I really don't think it fair to expect schools to do all things. Narrow academics & a bit of pastoral care about social relationships fair enough, but only a bit.

Hmm I think my dcs' schools do lots of stuff to build confidence.

They do a whole topic in PSHE each year called "Good to be Me" - lots of emphasis on it being OK to be whoever you are.
Standing up and talking in front of the class is a daily/weekly thing (I do classroom visits and have seen children presenting their work back to their class, hot seating where they are pretending to be a character from a story and the rest of the class is asking them questions etc. Starting from Year 1.)
The junior school in particular has a real "have a go" ethos.
Adults visiting school are always encouraged to chat to the children so they get practice at talking to different sorts of people.

My friend's very shy dd (who refused to speak at assembly in the first few years of school) opened her class assembly with a very long speech a couple of weeks ago - there was barely a dry eye among the parents, we all must have had something in our eyes

Nature or nurture though? Some people are shy are ahy, others are outgoing.

please don't give Gove any more things to target us on

As a music teacher I spend my life saying "yes you can play this" "well done, you performed brilliantly","of course you can!","Don't worry if you make a mistake, everybody does!","Take your time, don't rush and it will go brilliantly" All day long I boost confidence to get shy pupils to perform in front of their peers.... I often wonder about other subjects whether they do this because this type of constant emotional support for your pupils is draining, but vital.