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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be a bit embarrassed about having a christening?

78 replies

biggerquestions · 20/03/2014 23:20

We are planning a christening for our new baby. DP wants to do it as he's " a traditionalist" - he's also an atheist. Although he does sometimes go to our local church and sometimes even enjoys it - the sermons, the community. I am not committed enough to be an atheist, I can't bring myself to say there is no God, as I don't know. But I don't believe in it in a 'literal' sense. I go to our local church 1-2 times a month, sometimes less, sometimes more. I've been going more since I had children ( no not just for schools!) I enjoy the services, the sense of community, the time out from the general chaos of life. Gives me a chance to slow down and think about life and how I behave etc. I like the vicar, he knows my name. I realise that if I was born somewhere else or to other parents I could just as easily be going to a synagogue, a temple or a mosque. I don't think Christianity is necessarily the 'right religion' any more than the others. But 'church' is so much more than having to have a literal 100% belief in something that was probably a manmade constuct.

Anyway..... really want to do something special for new baby and christening seems obvious choice. We are regulars at the church so why not? I'm being a bit of a hypocrite if I take the vows absolutely literally but I don't feel I'm disrespecting the church or anyone's faith because I have a big love of the church, particularly our one... I"m just not exactly a Christian. The thing is most of my friends are staunch atheists and christenings don't seem as common anymore ie they are not just 'the done thing'. I'm not sure how to explain why we are doing it to my friends.. it's not like I can say " Because I believe all this stuff and I"m a Christian".
Have looked into Thanksgiving service or Naming Ceremony but they have been dismissed for various reasons. I don't want to abandon idea altogether - can't I just have one out of tradition? Or is that really bad? Am I right to be embarrassed?
Sorry for ramble... I"m tying myself up in knots about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
biggerquestions · 21/03/2014 07:47

Waltons - do you think non Christians should stop celebrating Christmas and Easter?

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 21/03/2014 07:52

OP "celebrating" Christmas is a complete red herring given what Christmas actually entails and given how many non Christian elements are incorporated in it. That's a silly question. Christmas for non believers is simply an end of year winter celebration and has very little, if anything to do with a serious faith.

Easter is more serious. I'm not a Christian and I don't celebrate Easter- why would any non Christian? What do mean by that anyway? Buying a chocolate egg?

TheBody · 21/03/2014 07:59

you don't have to explain to your friends op. just do it if you want to.

never worry what other parents think just do what you think is right for your kid.

issue invites and then if they come great.

MothershipG · 21/03/2014 08:07

I was brought up RC and my parents still practice/beleive.

Having given the matter much thought I am an atheist, as is DH, and we just couldn't stand up in front of people and lie through our teeth about bringing the children up in the faith.

But now I kind of wish I had swallowed my honesty and principles because my children's school choices have subsequently been seriously affected by that. Sad Angry

So I would say as you actually do go to church, and you intend to keep doing so, you should just not overthink it, get it done and know that either way you won't burn in hell because if there is no god you're ok, but if there is you've covered your bases! Grin Wink

Northernlurker · 21/03/2014 08:16

Christmas and Easter are not red herrings at all. The festivals are Christian events which have become integrated in to society as cultural events not simply religious ones. Exactly like Christenings. All of these events have built on the traditions of previous religions too.
I am a Christian, I attend church every week and I know that Jesus died on the cross for me. I am not crazy about people taking their children to be christened when they themselves do not believe and do not have any respect or affection for the church tradition. From what she says though I wouldn't put the OP in that category. It sounds more like she and her dh are agnostic than atheist to be frank. The church has to be welcoming. It would be a terrible thing to keep children away from the faith because we decide their parents aren't up to it. That's not what Christianity is about. You don't pass an exam to be good enough.

Op - get your children christened and keep attending and enjoying church. There's a place there for you all.

hunreeeal · 21/03/2014 08:17

either way you won't burn in hell because if there is no god you're ok, but if there is you've covered your bases!

Umm, not sure it works like that Grin Baptism is a welcome into the church family and people promising to support the person in their faith journey. It's not a magic wand to "get you into heaven".

WestieMamma · 21/03/2014 08:28

I'm a Christian but I don't believe in infant baptism. This led to a lot of angst when DS was born because I felt an overwelming need to have him baptised. I came to realise it was a conflict between faith and culture. In the end we decided to go ahead as cultural heritage is important too.

Joysmum · 21/03/2014 08:53

You just have to do what you think is right and question your logic for doing so.

Personally I told my DH if he wanted DD christened he could, but would do it himself as I couldn't promise something I had no intentions of doing as that would make me a liar and hypocrite.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/03/2014 09:00

Do it.
Don't be embarrassed. It will be lovely.

SamG76 · 21/03/2014 10:18

biggerquestions - I would hope there's less blood than at a Jewish brit (unless the vicar drops the baby!), but I think your vicar is right. It's not forcing your child into anything, and you should go ahead with a clean conscience.

minouminou · 21/03/2014 10:24

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool atheist and I'd come along to your DD's christening (not angling for an invitation, though!).
It's a celebration, a party.
It seems like you are a bit religious and if this is important to you, then do it. Your atheist chums are your friends and they'll understand. I've been to Catholic weddings, Catholic christenings (or are they baptisms?), done Shabbat with Jewish friends....

You appreciate what's important to your friends. If an atheist friend had a humanist naming ceremony you'd be there, wouldn't you?

DancesinPuddles · 21/03/2014 10:48

If you know the vicar well can't you ask him if you can create a naming service/dedication that you are more comfortable with rather than a traditional christening service?

CountessOfRule · 21/03/2014 12:33

Another vote for a thanksgiving or blessing. It's far, far more appropriate for your circumstances.

The difference between a christening and Christmas is that at Christmas you don't stand up in public and declare your belief in God, renunciation of the devil, etc in order to have your presents and turkey.

Christening isn't the only chance of baptism. You have not missed the only chance to be part of the church if you don't have them "done" as a baby. You might have to go to school with dirty, poor people though Hmm which clearly bothers lots of people.

I'm Christian but don't subscribe to infant baptism and don't believe state schools should have religious foundation, nor religious schools state funding.

SanityClause · 21/03/2014 12:39

Every time you say the creed, you are stating your beliefs. You do that every time you go.

Why is that less hypocritical than making the baptism vows?

JohnCusacksWife · 21/03/2014 12:47

Sounds like you realise deep down you're being hypocritical but are looking for other people to reassure you that you're not.

You want a party for your baby - fair enough. But at least be honest that that's the real reason and that it has little, if anything, to do with religion, beliefs or tradition.

Ninehoursahead · 21/03/2014 12:56

I work in an Anglican Church in Australia. We baptise infants and adults. If parents want their children baptised we ask them to do a Simply Christianity course which is a 5 week course explaining the basics and it gives people the opportunity to explore what they believe. If they don't want to do that then we offer a Thanksgiving service, which gives people the chance to have a celebration and not have to make promises they don't believe in.
As a Christian i actually don't think it's hypocritical to want to baptise. If you are regular-ish members then you are effectively introducing your child to the church community Smile

soundedbetterinmyhead · 21/03/2014 12:59

Christening won't make your child a Christian, but it does say that you will do your best to raise your child within the faith, in whatever way that means to you. I'm a regular church-goer and I think every christening is a celebration of love and life - even if the family rarely attend church.

So, I'd say stop worrying about it and arrange it. Just tell people it's important to you. Your atheist mates can wait outside if they can't bring themselves to come in.

I wonder if the people who reckon you're a hypocrite are the Christians. I suspect not - we know the church is not going to collapse on account of people being a bit unsure. That's human and it's fine.

soundedbetterinmyhead · 21/03/2014 13:01

x post with ninehoursahead!

ProlificPenguin · 21/03/2014 13:17

I am a Christian and I wouldn't criticise or question your desire to have a service. If it feels like the right thing to do then do it. Don't worry about what other people think.

Speak to your Vicar, he will tell you what options are available in your church, there may be different services available. You sound really nice, considered and thoughtful.

Thetallesttower · 21/03/2014 13:30

You sound quite embarassed about being a identified as a Christian, in which case probably don't get dd christened!

amicissimma · 21/03/2014 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cingolimama · 21/03/2014 13:56

I agree with Prolific. OP I think the word "hypocrisy" has been thrown around a lot here. But it sounds as if the better word was "doubt".

If you think that all regular church goers and/or Christians are always rock solid about what they believe, then please think again. Doubt is part of faith.

Most churches would be happy to welcome you, and you seem to have a strong connection with this church anyway. Have a christening. Have a party afterwards. If it will give you a sense of occasion and ritual, and give you pleasure, then there's no reason not to.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque · 21/03/2014 16:23

I don't believe in god and neither does my DH.

We got our DS christened.

Our reason was for the schools (awaits flaming)

What I wanted to say was that if you feel like getting your child christened is the right thing to do, then just do it. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

Perhaps you should let your atheist friends know what you are doing and give them a "no pressure" invitation.

The Church will be glad to get an extra bum on the pew!

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque · 21/03/2014 16:25

and to all the people who say you are being hypocritical...

what they think is really of no significance (no offence) - only what is in your head and your heart matters.

Waltonswatcher1 · 21/03/2014 18:44

Biggerquestions
Re christmas and Easter
I believe non Christians should think about the real meaning of the winter festival 'christmas' .It's evolution has little to do with Christ .
I believe that celebrating the birth of Christ is wrong unless you have faith in him .
Easter has evolved in the same way .

So in answer to your question -
No I don't think non Christians should celebrate the birth and resurrection of Christ .
They can though celebrate the festivals that Christianity claimed as its own .
We adopt Christianity when it suits us .This is always in a cosy , traditional , get together for a nice photo way .

I

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