To dress my daughter in pink?

[JapaneseMargaret]

I don't have strong feelings about pink as colour. It's fine. It looks nice on flowers. It goes well with some colours. I even wear it on rare occasions.

I do dislike the way pink is engineered towards girls in a way that it most definitely was not when I was small (I'm 40). In fact, I think it's fairly insidious.

My daughter is 3 and a half. She LOVES pink. She thinks it's the best thing since sliced marshmallows. I know full well why she likes pink - because it is marketed relentlessly at her - and that is something that really pisses me of, as a feminist.

However, because my DD does love pink, I let her choose it. I let her wear it. I buy her non-pink stuff as well, after all, I'm her Mum and I hold the purse-strings.

However, I also let her have a say in how she presents herself to the world. And how she wants to present herself to the world is currently via the medium of the colour pink.

I just know though, that there's a sizeable sub-set of people who see her judge me as one of those Mums, who dresses their DD head-to-toe in pink and thinks they're their very own little sparkly princess.

Which couldn't be further from the truth.

I just don't want to tell my DD at such an impressionable age that what she likes is wrong, or that her preferrences are to be over-ridden by my principles at all cost. I might not love pink, but she does, and so shouldn't she be, if not actively encouraged in that, then at least acknowledged and supported in it?

I also don't like the idea of telling girls and boys that there's something wrong with femininity (and by extension, with girls and women), which I think actively discouraging pink might do. Sort of in the way that it's right-on to dress a boy in pink, but it's sneer-worthy to to the same to a girl.

I know it's a phase and that she will grow out of pink. But AIBU? Should we be doing more to stem the pink tide?

BTW, this isn't something I hand-wring over. I know it's just a colour. I've just dropped her off at Kindy and had yet another conversation with a Mum where the fact that she is dressed in pink has cropped up.

So true MsMischief. It is very unfair that a boy who likes dresses etc is 'awesome' and yet a girl isn't. They are children, either it is 'awesome' or isn't. It should be the same rule for all.

I don't see the big deal about pink personally. I also don't understand why it has to be a feminist issue.

Dd, age 3, also loves pink. So what.

I LOVE pink!, let her!, dress her in pink!

At 2.5 and 9 months my boys wear things I like. When they are old enough to choose as long as it's reasonably priced I will allow them I wear anything they would like to wear.

Don't look into it too much, if pink clothes are all it takes to make your little girl happy YANBU to let her wear them.

I love pink, and I look amazing in pink (and red). My daughter has my coloring, and she also looks awesome in pink. When she was a baby, I bought her a lot of pink, because I like it. I never bought her green, because I hate green. Now that she's 3, she likes pink, but purple is her favorite color. When I'm buying her clothes now, I let her choose if she's with me.

Let your kids wear whatever color they want. Someone who judges your parenting because of the color your child is wearing has issues.

I think it's great that your little one is making her own choices! If she feels happy and confident then that's awesome! The 'pink and sparkly' stage is fairly common and they mostly do grow out of it... But if you feel it's becoming a bit OTT maybe try adding some clothes with pink and other colours ... Or say she has to wear one item of 'not pink' (!!) for whatever fun/silly reason you can come up with!! As mum to two DD the relentless pinkness does my head in too

Pink tops are OK but I hate seeing pink trousers - urgh - especially if the top is pink as well. Bright/strong pink is nicer than pale pink IMO. All pink plastic goods ought to be incinerated I think

I get what you're saying, OP, about to way certain (shit) things are marketed to little girls (passive princesses waiting to be rescued my biggest pet hate) but you're over thinking this. I was the biggest Tom boy going as a kid. My mum used to cry I gave her do much washing due to my propensity for climbing trees and making muddy dens. I stamped on a straw boater she once tried to make me wear. And yet I too went through a pink phase. My Dd is similarly robust (!) and likes pink. It's less about the colour of the clothes and more about the messages those clothes can insidiously reinforce - but you can be a positive role model. You can make sure she hears the right messages about what it is to be a girl and a woman. You can make sure the only pink princess she aspires to being is the kick ass one running the country

I have always activately avoided pink for DD because if I'm really really honest I think it looksa bit insipid. It also surprises me when friends of mine who come across as feminist in their thinking about most things activatly push the pink princess stuff.

She has some pink stuff, but no more than she has in greens, blues, reds etc

Its not the colour of course it is what it represents nowadays. (pidgeonholing imo).

Obviously I don't judge as it would literally be 95% of the people I know!

Pink is just a signifier- by banning it, you would be reinforcing and perpetuating the gender divide it signifies.

It is what pink has come to signify which must be challenged- I think this is best done by encouraging boys to wear it, not banning girls from doing so. Banning something that is used as shorthand for female in our society can inadvertently communicate the message to girls that 'girly = weak, bad, to be avoided', and that 'male' pursuits are somehow more valuable, when the opposite is true.

WRT play- there are activities traditionally associated with girls; hair plaiting, making daisy chains, skipping, handclapping etc.

Like MsMischief, what I am noticing more and more, particularly on MN, is a 'climbing trees' mentality- by this, I mean, climbing trees, getting messy and playing with trains is seen as the best form of play and something which all children should do. It is often used almost as a badge of honour by posters describing their DD's play. Where does this leave all the play traditionally associated with girls? Is getting muddy and climbing somehow better than skipping? Or do those activities have a higher status because they have been traditionally associated with boys?

my daughter whos 6, likes pink. I do however refuse to buy her entire wardrobe as pink, and actively push her to consider other colours.
sometimes i joke about it being pink and fwuffy and sparkly pwincessy, and ive also talked to all my children about how i dont like the fact that cwrtain things and certain colours are pushed as inly being suitable for a boy or only for a girl, and that anyone can like anything. Theres a massive amount of great colours to choose from.

Thanks all - I'm happy to be told I'm being U on this one. And as I say, I know people don't actually give a hoot what my DD is wearing.

I'm also happy to be told I'm over-thinking; I'd rather over-think than under-think any day of the week!

It's not about wearing pink per se, but everything else that's bundled up with it, and the double-standards that apply (it's fine for boys to like it, etc).

It also surprises me when friends of mine who come across as feminist in their thinking about most things activatly push the pink princess stuff.

This is pretty much exactly my point - are the Mums pushing it, or are they just letting their DDs go with the flow? In my case it's the latter, but I started this thread because I get the feeling some people thnk it's the former, and this post confirms that.

Tethersend, when I grew up boys and girls climbed trees all the time, I don't remember it being considered a boys thing. The division between girl/boy activites has been widened. In part by manufacturers, basically to encourage us to buy two sets of toys if we have daughters and sons.

tethersend good posts.

all my 3 daughters went through a pink phase.

oldest one is a raging feminist

middle one has not a thought in her head about such issues

youngest one still wants to be a fairy when she grows up

Tethersend, your post makes me feel nostalgic for the 70s

I played outside with other kids, climbed trees built huts, had short hair and wore trousers, navy or brown mainly.

Played lots with our electric train. Mind you, I also had a doll's house, which my brother and I both played with.

I wasn't a tomboy, I was just a normal girl in the 70s

I never thought we, as a society, would move in the current direction of princessy crap for girls.

Skipping's actually bloody hard work!
Especially if you're doing all the complex stuff involving long ropes and several players....bring it back, I say!

Brilliant for stamina, co-ordination....

I remember having a go after a few decades years and being amazed by how hard it was!

I really think the pinkification is a big marketing plot.
There's no Handmaid's Tale fate waiting for our girls, just more marketing shite.

At 3.5 if you can get her out of the house wearing actual clothes rather than leggings, a vest and an assortment of scarves wrapped round herself plus a fireman helmet, you're doing better than me... I think people who are obsessed with eradicating pink just make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Both boys and girls should be allowed to wear any colour they like- loads of boys at dd2's nursery like wearing pink (and riding the pink bikes/playing with princess dress up too). Liking pink is not what stops girls becoming engineers or prime ministers, if people want to address that then they need to challenge the responses to young girls by others and the structural factors that make it harder for women to maintain careers in male-dominated industries, not ban a colour (or sodding say girls can't have pink lego like my ex has bizarrely decided, yet tries to sabotage my scientific career through pathetic legal machinations and tantrums about me working full time so is hardly pro-women).

Do children play skipping games? I loved them, especially the complex ones with long ropes and multiple players. They were definitely girls' games. Whether that was their, our or a mutual decision I have no idea but they did not involve boys.

A verbal tradition of complex games and the rhymes and chants that accompanied them being passed down from mothers to daughters seems to me something to be applauded. It would be a terrible shame for that to be lost because it's a girl' game.

My dd is 9 and does a very competitive, physical sport.
She is slight which hides her strength and people tend to think she is a precious little flower who needs to be looked after.
She turns up at competitions in pink, skirts and nice hair. When the girls are looking for others they may be competing against, I have heard some say she looks easy to beat.
Imagine their faces when she proves to be no walk over. She is consistantly winning gold ( in fact she needs to lose some now to help her development).
Pink stereotyping can have its uses.