To dress my daughter in pink?

[JapaneseMargaret]

I don't have strong feelings about pink as colour. It's fine. It looks nice on flowers. It goes well with some colours. I even wear it on rare occasions.

I do dislike the way pink is engineered towards girls in a way that it most definitely was not when I was small (I'm 40). In fact, I think it's fairly insidious.

My daughter is 3 and a half. She LOVES pink. She thinks it's the best thing since sliced marshmallows. I know full well why she likes pink - because it is marketed relentlessly at her - and that is something that really pisses me of, as a feminist.

However, because my DD does love pink, I let her choose it. I let her wear it. I buy her non-pink stuff as well, after all, I'm her Mum and I hold the purse-strings.

However, I also let her have a say in how she presents herself to the world. And how she wants to present herself to the world is currently via the medium of the colour pink.

I just know though, that there's a sizeable sub-set of people who see her judge me as one of those Mums, who dresses their DD head-to-toe in pink and thinks they're their very own little sparkly princess.

Which couldn't be further from the truth.

I just don't want to tell my DD at such an impressionable age that what she likes is wrong, or that her preferrences are to be over-ridden by my principles at all cost. I might not love pink, but she does, and so shouldn't she be, if not actively encouraged in that, then at least acknowledged and supported in it?

I also don't like the idea of telling girls and boys that there's something wrong with femininity (and by extension, with girls and women), which I think actively discouraging pink might do. Sort of in the way that it's right-on to dress a boy in pink, but it's sneer-worthy to to the same to a girl.

I know it's a phase and that she will grow out of pink. But AIBU? Should we be doing more to stem the pink tide?

BTW, this isn't something I hand-wring over. I know it's just a colour. I've just dropped her off at Kindy and had yet another conversation with a Mum where the fact that she is dressed in pink has cropped up.

My daughter loves pink this week
She also loves mud, the hulk and pirates.

I wouldn't worry too much. I'm not a fan of pink but my daughter is a seperate person from me, with her own mind and her own opinions.

I don't want her growing up and thinking 'i shouldn't like this because mum doesn't'

OP I know where you are coming from. I loathe the expectation that girls should like pink and want to be princesses.

However, my 5 year old DD does like pink. She likes wearing sparkly dresses and reading fairy books. She may be heavily influenced by marketing- hard to tell for sure. But I'm certainly not going to tell her that her choices aren't valid, or that something that's perceived as 'girly' must therefore be inferior.

DD1 can wear pink if she wants to- it's a nice colour. (It's her male friend's favourite colour as well- when he comes for tea they fight over the pink plate). She can dress up as a princess if she wants to. (Another male friend likes to try on her dresses when he comes to play).

At the same time, though, I make sure she reads books with strong female characters, and if she ever tells Mr that 'pink is for girls' or 'star wars is only for boys' or any other stereotype, I will immediately challenge it.

I have a problem with the sort of parent who moans on about advertising and brainwashing when it comes to girls and pink princesses and fairies etc
but will take a completely different tack with a boy and actively encourage him to dress up in it.
Either it is fine for either gender or it is not fine for either gender.
Children are the liberated ones, it is merely a colour and hopefully they have a mother who keeps her opinions firmly to herself.
It is much better to see it as a phase that they will work through. If you refuse to get anything pink it makes it really desirable.

Agree ....if your dc was a boy and adored blue and green....your point might be?

I'm pro choice, she's shown her preferences.

My daughter is so unlike me in that from an early age she had that stereotypical love of clothes/shoes/bags. She loved pink too.

She still has her love of clothes/shoes/bags but has been anti pink since the age of 7, she's 11 now. Love or hate of a colour really doesn't indicate anything or matter.

If you are 40, it is time you stopped caring about " what other mums think".

Motherhood is not a competition, nor are you being judged for your every decision, nor do you have to justify yourself fir what your kids wear or eat or do to anyone.

I was in the same position a few years ago. I hate the way pink is pushed at little girls and then they are disparaged for liking it. It's more than just a colour but one of my boys loves green and my other dd loves orange in quite an obsessive way (my forth child is normal). People do comment on my other children's colour preference but the pink was the only one that attracted negative comments, often along the lines of how they wouldn't pander to it, it showed that she was weak and conformist and how they were glad their dd liked dinosaurs/climbing trees. If I hadn't had other dcs who were overly fond of other colours then I might never have noticed how down people were on her.

dd never wears pink now, they do tend to outgrow it, but I am glad that I allowed her to enjoy her pink phase while it lasted.

I couldn't give 2 stuffs what people think of me, having made a judgement based on the colour of my children's clothes - judging someone for the colour of their children's clothes says more about them than me

I have 2 girls, both went through a pink stage. One is now 12 and wouldn't wear pink if you paid her. The other is nearly 9 and still very much about pink, she even refused to wear anything but a pink fairy costume at one point - I just left her to get on with it. I did get some negative comments, still do sometimes, but whatever

It's her colour of choice, other than ensuring her clothing is occasion, weather and age appropriate, I couldn't care less whether it's pink, green or orange with purple spots. No one died because they wore pink

I have the same problem. My DD is nearly 3 and for the past 6 months she won't wear anything other than pink. I have tried my best to encourage other styles but she looks like Vicky Pollard on a bad day! If I put anything else on her she has a major tantrum and it's just not worth it.

Give up, embrace the pink!

People do comment on my other children's colour preference but the pink was the only one that attracted negative comments, often along the lines of how they wouldn't pander to it, it showed that she was weak and conformist and how they were glad their dd liked dinosaurs/climbing trees

Reading that sentence you can see how ridiculous it is!! They like pink-so what? And what if she didn't like dinosaurs and climbing trees? I can't see why we are so negative on activities that are thought 'girly' and positive on ones that are thought 'boyish'. I loved pink and dolls when I was a child, long, long before advertising and media were pushing it.

I don't think I could stand head to toe pink either. But it doesn't have to be little princessy look OR no pink - there's a compromise to keep you both happy.

My favourite colour was red when I was little. I don't think I ever went out head to toe in red (I'd have loved that) but wore a red top, or a red skirt, or red trousers, or a red jumper - with other colours as well.

Let your little girl have her pink but break it up with other stuff.

Mehhh...
Let her have some, as well as lots of other colours.

DD is a sparkle-fiend (and I'm one of the mums on the boyz in dressez fred) and it's no big deal.
She'll grow out of it. As long as you're not encouraging her to be over-invested in her looks, or making her think she'll be rubbish at sports/maths/science etcetera then just go along as you are and wait for her to go all grungy when she's eight!

DD (five in a couple of weeks...my god!!!) came a cropper on her scooter last week, and two elderly ladies got to her before I did.

"I'm ookayyyy. Nothin' to see here!" Then she was back up and scooting.

She's emotionally and physically robust, no lounging on a chaise longue like Elizabeth Barrett Browning for her.

Booboostoo the "problem" you have about what your daughter wants to wear is the same "problem" the mother on the thread about her son of the same age wearing dresses has; except it wasn't a problem for her. And kentishgirl the mother on that thread didn't seem to think she had to enforce a compromise.

You are both assuming your girls have been conditioned in to it to a greater or lesser degree. You don't know that and you are undermining their choices with these negative attitudes.

And even you minouminou "it's something she'll grow out of".

I probably "over invest " in looks. I've always loved and been interested in beautiful clothes and loathed sports. I suppose that makes me an air headed Carrie Bradshaw, especially given all my qualifications are arts based. I wonder why the other partners in my firm didn't notice this before I was offered a partnership.

You just seem a bit defensive about this looks and clothes thing, Caitlin.
You obvs enjoy clothes, and if you have achieved well in life you didn't over-invest in looks, you invested the amount of time and effort it took to enjoy fashion etcetc and have it enhance your life.

Chances are that the OP's DD will change her tastes, but if she doesn't...so what? My point was that as long as the DD has a good confidence-building upbringing, none of this will matter.

You'd despair at me....
A gay chum described my style as Scando-Lesbo Chic.

Really? Do you have nothing else to think about?

I bet if the op had a son who liked pink, she'd be buying pink clothing in bulk for him!

Dressed in pink and running around having a great time - this is fine.

Dressed in pink with a hovering mummy saying "don't jump in the puddle, you'll get mud on your nice dress", "don't climb that tree, you might tear your nice dress" - not fine.

FWIW, DS went through a phase of loving pink aged 3 (I think a lot of children do - it's an appealing, warm colour). Then aged 4 1/2 wider social influences kicked in and he started saying "pink is for girls, blue is my favourite colour". Now, aged 6 (because I'm an evil brainwashing feminist and did my best to subvert the social conditioning process!) he says "people should be allowed to choose whatever colour they want, my favourite colour is green."

Heaven's above who gives a flying fart what any child, young person or adult is wearing as long as it not indecent (as judged by societal norms)?

Why do people think the world is looking at them and their child? Dress her how she is happy and fuck what others think

fucking hell ....sorry OP I am sure you, and your DD are delightful

but do what you want FFS
dresss her in a tutu 24/7

just dont ask the mavens of MN

and BTW "I just know though, that there's a sizeable sub-set of people who see her judge me as one of those Mums"

really? I dont have fucking time

"I bet if the op had a son who liked pink, she'd be buying pink clothing in bulk for him!"

LOL , so true

I bet if the op had a son who liked pink, she'd be buying pink clothing in bulk for him!

But that's rather the point, isn't it? Children who stray from gender norms are encouraged, children who conform are pitied. Over and over again you see posts where parents of girls, if they mention a girly trait such as wearing pink or liking fairies or playing with dolls then they immediately follow it up with a disclaimer about how they also like mud and dinosaurs and pirates and climbing trees.
There are also the posts where a boy will like dresses or dolls or nail varnish which get followed up with a lot of 'Your ds sounds awesome '

It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen.

I will be 41 soon. I am wearing pink right now, is that okay?

Maybe that's why my three year old went into the creche this morning dressed as Belle (granted a Belle with jeans and a tshirt underneath). Do I have to make up for it and dress her as Ironman tomorrow?

Or maybe dressing as characters is also bad. Lord being three is complicated these days.