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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to say NO!

71 replies

LostAndLostAgain · 20/03/2014 13:36

First.. Sorry if this is in the wrong section, but I'm not sure where it fit...
I have a court order to see my kids every other Sunday, but I've moved this before because the kids have something else on..

I was told that my DD's have something on, this so agreed to have them sat instead... I've literally just had an email saying that there's now a party on the sat, so she wants them back early...

I don't know if she's trying to be awkward...
I do know that on one occasion before, they didn't go to a party - they were seen out shopping with their grandparents...

I've always bent over backwards for the kids, because it doesn't really matter to me when I see them... Just that I do...

But it feels like she's messing me about.

What should I do?

OP posts:

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 21/03/2014 13:39

Keep copies of all you email both sent and received and then take it back to court.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 21/03/2014 13:40

And make sure you keep all communications via email now rather than phone calls so you can keep evidence of her refusals to allow you contact

whattoWHO · 21/03/2014 13:43

How old are the children? Not that it makes any difference but your ex sounds like the sort who might be trying to influence the DC against you.

Nocomet · 21/03/2014 13:52

Trouble is if you say NO! Your DD will say NO too!

DD has a DF who loves her Dad, but used to have blazing rows at the school gate with her mum over going to see him.

Why at the school gates, partly because she'd just got an invite to something and wanted to lean on her mum where it was hardest for her to disagree and I suspect she wanted all her friends to hear it was her mum who was insisting she went to her dad's.

There is no easy answer to contact and any child old enough to know they are missing something by seeing the NRP.

Original poster

LostAndLostAgain · 21/03/2014 14:06

She has come back again and said next visit will be 5th April.

Me taking them to dance is not an option.

she states that it's my fault, she had 'rearranged' 'their day' on saturday so that i could see them..!

OP posts:

TheOrchardKeeper · 21/03/2014 14:10

You went to court. You got your appointed visits (which aren't enough as it is by the sounds of it) and she's now going against that order so hasn't got a legal leg to stand on.

Hope you can record it all etc and get it sorted soon. Don't take crap from her because you're scared of losing contact. Just keep track of emails/cancellations/demands etc and bring them to light whenever is best so they can address this issue. She won't keep it up forever if the courts are involved (again etc).

SO sorry you're dealing with this. I'd be heartbroken

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 21/03/2014 14:11

Then you leave me no option but to take this back to court

TheOrchardKeeper · 21/03/2014 14:16

Agree with many others. Save yourself and your DDs (because she seems unable to see/too selfish to care that this affects them badly too) the stress and tell her that's fine, but it does^ leave you no choice. You have every right to see your children and if there really is no back story then go in all guns blazing....but leave the communication outside of the legalities to a minimum, or it will just cause more stress and achieve nothing by the sounds of it. Best of luck!

TalisaMaegyr · 21/03/2014 14:20

Again agree with itiswhatitiswhatitis

CrapBag · 21/03/2014 14:59

Agree with everyone else. Tell her you are taking her back to court as soon as you can as they are your children too and it is not up to her to mess you about. Do it all in writing and keep everything. She has still not given you a reason for you not being able to take the children to this 'party' that isn't on.

It is very much as I thought, she is being difficult for the sake of it. I hate this so much!!

What GoldMantra said it spot on. Just keep repeating. Courts may even award you more time, remind her of this maybe?

Aeroflotgirl · 21/03/2014 15:03

Contact is not up to her but tge courts. I echo everyone on here.

Boomeranggirl · 21/03/2014 15:08

Goldmandra's post is spot on. You need to be firm and consistent in your responses. She is playing silly bu@@ers and you need to stand up to it. I know it's hard but seeing their dad is more important than a party or dance show.

ophiotaurus · 21/03/2014 15:21

This is awful. I know it's hard but don't be drawn into any arguments that she could use against you. Remain calm and matter of fact about it.
I would say you will be speaking to the courts/solicitor about the missed contact.

LeapingOverTheWall · 21/03/2014 15:21

something i see on here frequently is to emphasise the DCs rights to see you, rather than your rights to see them -think about exactly how you word things, especially if you go to court.

ophiotaurus · 21/03/2014 15:22

Make sure you save all the texts/emails as well.

Poppy67 · 21/03/2014 15:29

Why cant you find out where these dance classes are being held to see if there is a show? What do your kids say about going to the party? I think you need to be a bit more devious and start checking up on where they actually are somehow so you have more ammunition for the courts.

ViviPru · 21/03/2014 15:49

Some excellent advice on this thread. I just wast to reiterate the STAY CALM mantra. That will be the key with all this. Best of luck, OP.

Original poster

LostAndLostAgain · 21/03/2014 16:20

Ive had a look re dance classes. Theres nothing on the net re any shows in my home town this sunday.

OP posts:

Original poster

LostAndLostAgain · 21/03/2014 16:24

and.... Calm I will remain.

Thanks MNettsrs :)

OP posts:

Goldmandra · 21/03/2014 16:27

"Our children have the right to have their usual contact with me this weekend in line with the orders of the court.

I am prepared to substitute Saturday for Sunday if this is more convenient and I am prepared to take the children to any dances shows or parties you have arranged for them.

If you feel that the contact arrangements ordered by the court are inappropriate in any way you are free to consult your solicitor regarding asking the courts to review them. In the meantime it is in the interests of the children that contact should go ahead as usual."

TalisaMaegyr · 22/03/2014 22:09

How's it going OP? How did it pan out?

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