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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bus passengers

77 replies

Calamityoncrutches · 19/03/2014 17:33

Have nc for this but regular poster. I am completely prepared to be told iabu but genuinely interested on others opinions.

I was born with a physical disability which flares up at times resulting on me needing crutches and being in extreme pain. Currently I am at a point where I can not safely drive. Today I had to take my ds to and from school so the only way to get him there was via two buses.

I collected him from school and we walked to the bus stop opposite. We stood for 45 minutes waiting for the bus (meant to be every 10 minutes) I also had my friends daughter with me age 2 because she was called away on an emergency.

When the bus eventually turned up I was in agony but at least I was on my way home. I knew the bus would be busy because of how long we waited but at this point felt like crying. I paid for my ds and looked for a seat. Not one person would let me sit down so I had to stand on crutches, trying to desperately hold tight to two children whilst various other passengers just stared at me. I understand everybody had had to pay to use the bus and some other passengers may have had hidden disabilities but surely there must have been at least one able bodied passenger who could allow me to sit down. There were various passengers with children and yet not even a child was asked to move over so I could even Pearce on the edge of a seat. I could not physically stand up at the bus stop any longer and was now running late to pick up my dd who finishes school 45 minutes after ds approximately half a mile away.

If you have followed this far aibu to expect somebody to show some consideration?

OP posts:
iloveironing · 19/03/2014 22:41

YANBU - but I would have said to someone 'excuse would you mind if I sat down....'.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/03/2014 22:57

Good for you asking, and the shits, hiding behind everyone else not answering.

Unfortuneately people in groups do that, so once a general question has been asked you need to target people and ask them directly if they will let you sit down

'excuse me, as you can see, I'm on crutches, and in horrible pain. I need to sit down. Now please'

And say it Loudly, as then people will be watching and the person will have to, and if he doesn't... I'd say loudly, 'he won't give up his seat, will any of you help me sit down please?!!!! I'm on crutches and in pain!'

And keep going, asking specific people loudly, until someone gives in.

And yes, I've had to do that on the tube, and it's never the people you think that give up their seat... Teenage 'louts' yes! Smartly dressed business men - noooo, not unless publicly shamed.

It's the last thing you have the strength to do, but someone's it's the only way people will help. Some ate probably oblivious, some are genuinely rude, and most are lazy and hide behind the crowd... Bleugh!

holidaysarenice · 20/03/2014 02:14

I feel for you I absolutely do!

But please NEVER shame someone the way people on here have asked you too. It is fine to ask, and directly as someone. If they say no please accept it and ask someone else. Not repeat it loudly, or say they will not move. That person may have their own disability or fear, you just don't know.

I know many advise asking the bus driver to move someone but he could lose his job if he made someone move and they had an injury/accident.

I wouldnt have issue if several people refused to move in you commenting though, they are just basterds. Its highly statistically unlikely they all have problems. Just please don't pick on one person.

Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 03:46

Holidays I would not shame people like that. I asked a few people who appeared to be easily moving around in their seats and then made the comment of "oh your joking" towards the back of the bus without making eye contact with a single person. I know that disabilities can be hidden as the parent of one child (possibly two) with a hidden disability and also as I stated in my op mine flares up and down so at times if I was sat down you would not be able to tell either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 03:48

For those last few posters I have realised you missed my later comment as I forgot to put it in my op

Add message | Report | Message poster Calamityoncrutches Wed 19-Mar-14 17:38:52
Sorry should have added I even said to quite a few passengers can I sit down please or at least let the toddler but they all seemed to have hearing problems too.

OP posts:
bella411 · 20/03/2014 04:11

Calamity I am disgusted for you what is wrong with some people its basic manners to move for people more needing of a seat on a bus etc.

Though saying that if I had asked and they didnt moved I would have been accidentally stepping on people's toes with the crutches, knocking them with crutches elbow, leaning into them etc. They'd soon know I was there!

Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 04:28

Bella I know where you are coming from but the pain I was in by this point meant I had no fight in me and I would also have worried about somebody with a genuine hidden disability being hurt like that.

I think the whole situation is Sad. I have decided I am going to contact the bus company as when the bus finally got to where I had been waiting another bus on the same route appeared at the same time but wouldn't stop because the first one had. I think this could have made a big difference as it did not appear to be as full up so we could have got on the second bus if it has stopped but by driving past the stop we had no way of getting on that one.

OP posts:
capticorn1 · 20/03/2014 07:37

Had a similar experience myself recently while on crutches. Definitely complain to the bus company (I'm assuming it was first)

DD uses buses a lot and is appalled by the number of people who will not give up their seats.

Sicaq · 20/03/2014 08:27

That is shocking; I can't comprehend not getting off my arse for someone who so clearly needed a seat.

And you should NOT have had to ask - can't believe early PPs were saying you should have (even though you did, I saw later). Those PPs saying "Did you ASK?" - do you really believe people are so stupid as to not realise a woman on crutches needs a seat? They didn't offer because they are selfish, not because they were just waiting nicely to be asked. Asking would have made no difference (as clearly it didn't).

Livid on your behalf, OP.

Ploppy16 · 20/03/2014 08:34

Total arseholes the lot of them. It doesn't surprise me though, when I was heavily pg the only people who ever offered me a seat were young student types, everybody else suddenly couldn't take their eyes off their phones or the window. I taught my DC's to get up without being asked if an adult needed a seat anyway, it used to be the norm!
Last Christmas I got a whole load of abuse off half the bus for 'holding everybody up' because we got off to let a lady in a wheelchair on (DD2 was in a buggy, there was no more room), the lady was so grateful it made me think it mustn't have happened by often Sad
YANBU, hope You're feeling better today Thanks

Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 09:50

Have just spoken to the bus company but don't hold out much hope of even an apology. I have made it clear it's not necessarily the bus driver of the service I did get ons fault but that if both buses had stopped the situation could have been avoided.

OP posts:
ProudAS · 20/03/2014 10:19

Did you complain about the bus behind too?

It's not rocket science - the driver behind could have guessed that the bus was likely to be full as they generally are when running late and the one behind catches up. He should also know that not getting a seat could be debilitating to some people.

mrsjay · 20/03/2014 10:23

I have a disability i dont drive at all I have never had a bus full of folk be so rude to me I dont have crutches but people will offer me a seat god that is horrible i hope you are ok todat maybe email the bus compant and complain

ShadowOfTheDay · 20/03/2014 10:32

I "shame" people into giving up their seat... as a passenger ...

I am lucky enough to always be getting on the bus - either in town, or from home - when the buses are quiet.... I go near the back because I want to sit - I stand all day at work, so I want to sit... and for my own safety ....

(don't think buses should allow standing when you HAVE to have a seatbelt on in a car for safety reasons... some of our buses are rural and have people standing - it is not safe... but another story...)

BUT if I see someone get on with an obvious standing problem and people near the front ignoring, I usually stand up and announce - "If you can get back here you can have my seat since no-one is offering near the front" it tends to work, people move...... Smile

Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 13:19

Have had an email from bus company to say they are looking into my complaint. I won't hold my breath though. I will update if I hear anything.

OP posts:
Objection · 20/03/2014 13:34

I am absolutely astonding that no one offer you a seat. That is disgusting.
Flowers to you OP.
Shame on every person on that bus

TinyTear · 20/03/2014 13:57

That is terrible, I would have asked someone with a small child taking up a seat if the child could go on their lap

Ihavemyownname · 20/03/2014 14:23

That's is awful but I am not surprised I have found people on busses in Portsmouth to be quite rude and ignorant I'm not saying all people are but defiantly a good few and the drivers are not much better either

Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 14:23

TinyTear I asked quite a few people and they all shook their heads I even asked if they could fit the toddler on the seat at least if they had a child there but nobody appeared to care. As I say this has been a life long condition but thankfully this is the only time it has ever been this bad.

OP posts:
TinyTear · 20/03/2014 14:29

That is appaling. I have a 2yo and I would have put her on my lap if I needed to let anyone sit. it's not as if she paid for her ticket!

RufusTheReindeer · 20/03/2014 14:52

I really don't know what's wrong with people knowadays...and I know that makes me sound really old and I'm only 44 , but really!

YANBU

desertmum · 20/03/2014 16:27

it's a bad state of affairs when you have to ask for a seat when you are obviously disabled. It's a matter of courtesy. People are rude and ignorant and should feel ashamed of themselves - and those people with children are not teaching them good manners and consideration either.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2014 21:42

To anyone who thinks that letting social pressure work for you is wrong, please have a think. By 'shaming' I do mean that making it obvious that people ate refusing to let a disabled person sit down... I think that's perfectly appropriate. They should be ashamed. I don't think it's someone being nasty, it's natural consequences, and refusing to let people hide behind the power of crowds.

I've happily explained to someone needing a seat that I wish I could buy I can't cos of X... And then I've helped them find someone who can stand up for them. I didn't feel shamed in the same way someone would if they were just being selfish, what have I got to be ashamed of in that case?

So I don't think that keeping quiet and letting people treat you like shit just in case everyone on the bus perhaps has an invisible illness and perhaps will feel upset rather than supportive... Well I think that's not the right approach.

Obviously people should just stand up, but they don't, and then you have to try and get people to help...

(op I'm saying this in support of you and not as a 'you should have x', as that was a horrible incident).

Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 03/04/2014 15:40

.

OP posts:
Original poster
Calamityoncrutches · 03/04/2014 15:41

Just an update. It took a week to get pain back under control due to this now I have just been told they passed it to the wrong bus depot. I now have to wait another fortnight for any further updates. Good old first way to screw things up further.

OP posts: