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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit hurt by this comment by friend's DD

62 replies

roastedalmondfudge · 18/03/2014 21:33

Well, I probably am. See what you think.

Friend's DD is 16. It's a pure coincidence as sometimes happen but the DD learns dance from another friend of mine.

So I was talking about an upcoming trip to Edinburgh and we were going to see the ballet and the DD came into the kitchen. I said "oh, (friend's DD) I was just saying how we're (ramble about the ballet.)"

DD sneers and says, "You being friends with Miss X is weird."
"Why?" I laugh, thinking she meant "coincidence."
"Well, it's weird you two are friends, you're not alike."
I said, "How do you mean?" more bemused than anything. The DD shrugs and says, "I dunno," (in a voice that suggests she DOES know" - "she's ... pretty."

Erm - AIBU?

OP posts:
WhoAteAllTheCremeEggs · 18/03/2014 22:08

so bitchy YANBU

Aeroflotgirl · 18/03/2014 22:08

What a rude little Madame. Tats what happens when you don't pull them up on their behaviour when they are little.

GiniCooper · 18/03/2014 22:11

She's 16.
You're a boring mom.it means nothing. Don't concern yourself with her opinion of you, she thinks of her own mom in the same way.
Familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

paddyclampo · 18/03/2014 22:13

Sounds like she needs a good slap. YADNBU!

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 18/03/2014 22:28

Wow! I would be do ashamed of her if she was my DD.
I may react in shocked silence, incase I made the situation even worse. But I do think I'd insist on an apology. I would read the riot act on way home.

I agree with other posters who think it translates to 'you are a friend of my mom, therefore uncool. She is my dance teacher, therefore totally cool'

Is she not very articulate normally?

OddFodd · 19/03/2014 18:13

I would have given her a Look and said 'Excuse me?'

If that's had been my daughter, I'd make her send you flowers out of her own money and ground her. Disgraceful behaviour

cory · 19/03/2014 19:09

dd has a friend who comes out with these really bizarre comments

it seems clear she doesn't mean to be rude, she will say them to people she desperately wants to be friends with; she is just socially inept

harriet247 · 19/03/2014 19:11

Tbh and from my experience, that sort of attitude is bred in dance schools.

sarahquilt · 19/03/2014 19:19

What a nasty cow!

paddyclampo · 19/03/2014 19:30

It's not your friend's fault but I'd be tempted to get on the phone and tackle her about her little (or big in this case) madam's rudeness!

ElkTheory · 19/03/2014 19:54

What a horrible thing to say. I can imagine a 3-year-old coming out with something like that without understanding how hurtful it would be. But at 16 this girl is certainly old enough to know better.

quirrelquarrel · 19/03/2014 19:57

Is it possible that you have different interpretations of the word pretty? Maybe she just means makeupped or really fashionable, not really about whether you have pretty faces or not.
Yes, it's a horrible and shitty thing to say and you should realise that people will get hurt when people start talking about pretty and ugly, it just always happens so she just shouldn't have said it. But maybe it doesn't have to be as insulting as it's coming across.

SackAndCrack · 19/03/2014 20:03

Cow! She is 16 and should know better.

I had a 6 year old girl, friend of my sons come over to my house. She walked up and down, looked up and down then said "Hmm.... Our house is MUCH better than this."

The cheek!

But you expect shit like that when they are 6.

When they are 16 its being just as arsehole as if it was said when you are 20 if you ask me.

Mimishimi · 20/03/2014 01:03

It's the age. My daughter (13) has just surpassed me in height by 1cm. We were lined up looking into a mirror, I was struck by the likeness between us and said so. She sniffed haughtily and said "well , now I'm insulted". I didn't feel hurt, I pinched her bum and called her a cheeky devil.

zipzap · 20/03/2014 01:36

Mn old favourite 'did you mean to be so rude?' would have worked well here - agree with everyone else she was horribly rude.

Paintyfingers · 20/03/2014 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JapaneseMargaret · 20/03/2014 07:16

Mimishimi - it's totally different when it's your own DC, because you know that underneath the comment, they love you.

There is nothing nice to offset this comment, from a 16 year old who is old enough to know when they're being deliberately hurtful.

SoleSource · 20/03/2014 08:31

If you know you are pretty (which is not a bad thing) do you feel her Mother is envious of you and has revealed her own insecurities to her DD and her DD is being snide about it?

Not come from nowhere has it?

NoNoNoNoNoYabu · 20/03/2014 09:59

Ouch, that would hurt and she should def know better Sad

ClownsLeftJokersRight · 20/03/2014 10:05

'She isn't a particularly nice girl'

Nope. And she said it to be mean and hurtful and to sound 'clever', not because it's one bit true.

Don't give it or her another thought. Well, only maybe to pity the poor girls in her circle of peers. I bet she's 10x nastier to themHmm.

TheBody · 20/03/2014 10:07

we'll I wouldn't have said that at 16 and neither would my lads or my dds who are teens now.

nowt to do with hormones or teenageness she's just rude and bad mannered.

you can see how she got like this by her mothers weak response.

rude nasty girl. will become a rude nasty woman.

just ignore op.

OpalQuartz · 20/03/2014 10:18

She was rude. I would have looked like this Confused and said "Do you choose your friends by their looks then?"

frumpet · 20/03/2014 10:21

Wow , that was rude ! i always find myself laughing at people like this , properly guffawing and snorting to their faces , whilst pointing out how rude they have been . Teenagers can cope with just about anything except being laughed at , does their little heads right in Wink

Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 10:27

I think you're reading too much into this. She's 16, the ballet teacher is presumably elegant and graceful, a bit arty, possibly a bit fey and possibly you're none of these. I doubt "pretty" is really the word she meant ; maybe something like "unsophisticated" is nearer the mark but being 16 it's not the word which sprung to mind as she's not sophisticated either.

Somersetlady · 20/03/2014 10:32

Are you sure she finished the sentence?

She's pretty sporty
She's pretty talkative
She's pretty different to you.....

Etc etc