To think that my mum is an appalling cook?

[NeonMuffin]

Growing up I was a very fussy eater and there was a lot that I wouldn't eat. I didn't touch any greens or veg, only boiled potatoes that kind of thing. It was only as I got older and started eating out etc that I realised it wasn't that I didn't like these things it was that my mum is a terrible cook.

I know that sounds mean, but it's true she never cookers anything properly. An example is when she makes a roast dinner she will boil the veg for up to an hour until it's turned to mush and tastes of nothing. Everything goes on for an hour, cauliflower, broccoli and she boils carrots until the water goes orange. Meat is not cooked unless it's cremated. A favourite of hers is to cook her meat the day before, then serve it freezing cold with hot gravy over the top (boak). It's just disgusting.

The problem is she keeps asking me around for tea and I know it will be a roast and the thought of if just turns my stomach so I keep rebuffing her but can't forever. Short of upsetting her and causing offence by telling the truth I don't know what else to do?

AIBU?

I was brought up on burnt Findus crispy pancakes and it didn't do me any harm!

My DH and I were discussing this yesterday, he said 'it turns out gravy is delicious, I always thought I hated it, but what I actually hated was brown water'

When we go around MIL's for dinner now he offers to make gravy and she has the watery stuff and we have nice thick stuff. Turns out she likes it that way!

My mum's roasts have improved no end since I taught her how to make roasties - when she was 73

I turn up early to 'help', so we bond over cooking. It's nice. I 'treat' her to lots of butter and milk in the mash, and my homemade gravy with red wine. I let her overboil the veg a bit. Everyone's happy

I think it is generational. Anyone read Mrs Beeton? She recommends boiling carrots for about four hours

My mother was a rubbish cook. To be fair, she worked full time, had two kids, a hisband who did nothing and she has no interest in cooking.

She used to make casseroles. They went in the slow cooker before she went to work and were served up at dinner time. Everything in the casserole turned into brown, tasteless mush. My brother and I will still not eat anything called a casserole. I think we have been scarred for life.

From the age of about 15 on, I made my own meals.

My DH grew up with exactly the same problem, he only realised he actually liked gravy when he left home. Apparently, according to MIL I can't cook Brussels sprouts because "they should melt in the mouth, shouldn't they?"

My mum used to moan about my sisters weak and watery gravy - I was a kid raised on thick Bisto so didn't know any better and would agree with her. Only when I started regularly making roast dinners did I realise that 'real' gravy made with meat juices etc was so much nicer. Sorry sis

My mum was a crap cook. When I was a teen, I copied her pretty much cooking wise. When I went into foster care, my foster mum was a BRILLIANT cook, taught me so much. I think I'm an average cook- I'm not innovative or creative, I just follow a recipe...?

Another with parents who can't cook and believed I didn't like lots of foods until I ate them cooked properly.

Take her out to eat, or offer to pick up a chippy tea on your way?

My mum is terrible too. I don't eat there very often

Er. Ok. Am I the only person who grievously misread the thread title and thought the OP was calling her mother something DREADFUL...?

My contribution to the thread is that on visiting DH's grandparents the other week, I was vastly impressed to observe that their fridge contained five full blocks of butter and one of lard. This was in addition to the half block of butter out on the worktop, currently in use for sandwiches etc.

DGIL reckoned they'd get through it all by the end of the week. There's only the two of them but having once eaten one of her bacon sandwiches, I can believe it. Both bacon and bread were fried in lard. It was heavenly.

I think my dear mother's cooking was one of the main reasons I went veggie at 14.

At 42, I have just started eating meat again. It's a revelation - meat was never like this - with flavour and texture and everything...

I still cook all my own meals when I visit.

Neither my mum or MIL are great or enthusiastic cooks.

MIL gets everything ready made from a posh deli and heats it up, occasionally accompanied by droopy veg.

My mum does a great roast chicken dinner, but otherwise is pretty unadventurous and mostly does pre-prepared stuff or fresh meat/packet/jar combos.

The irony is that 3 out of 4 of DH's and my grandmothers were cooks, my dad was a cook for time, DH & his brother are both chefs and I'm an enthusiastic amateur!

OP, if you can't be honest with her, I'd offer to take her out.

My mum is a rubbish cook too and when we were kids she seemed to hate cooking, it was a real chore to her and I can remember awful meals of grey lumpy 'mash' made with nothing more than a masher, no butter, cream, milk or seasoning and badly mashed at that, with a greasy over cooked hard-yolked fried egg plonked on top and a spoon of baked beans - that meal broke my spirit one time when I was about 9yrs old. I refused to eat it as even the smell was making me gag and she made me sit at the table for hours until my dad came home, she gave the spiel about how I wouldn't eat it, he took one look and put it in the bin!

Her stews were inedible and all made using packets of oxtail soup (boak!) and she over cooked absolutely everything.

M&S opened in their town a few years ago and that was our savior!!! When we are visiting (we live 3hrs away) I always say 'oh don't be going to any trouble, lets grab an M&S lasagne and salad and garlic bread and save you the bother' and it works almost everytime.

The last visit though she decided to cook roast beef, I know she most likely paid a fortune for it in the butchers and then proceeded to cook it for about 3 hours so it was neither rare or slow-cooked melt-in-the-mouth, it was tough and chewy and she was so frazzle over the pressure of cooking the beef that she served frozen raosties, not cooked long enough, boiled veg which was grey and mushy and thick bisto. Disaster of a meal.

She is also a supremely un-relaxed dinner host / guest - always whipping the plates away to 'wash-up' before people are even finished, she sighs very heavily all the time that she is cooking too! I mostly do all the cooking when we visit and always to it all when they come to us.

In an act of rebellion in my early 20's I taught myself to cook and am a very good cook (she says modestly!!)

OP raised the question of whether this is generational. It is if all our mothers are in their 80s, and possibly their 70s. However, I really don't think it is for anyone younger. People in their 60s now were growing up in the 1960s and young adults in the 1970s, and in the UK at least we had definitely got the idea by then that vegetables don't need to be cooked endlessly and that the odd herb or spice is really quite a good idea. So anyone in their 60s who cooks that way really wasn't paying attention.

My pil are terrible cooks, but lovely people.

I remember one time fil was making us a roast diner. He put the meat on in the morning, so far so normal, then pre cooked the veg. For 30 mins before he cooked them properly later!!!!!

Dh always refers to his dads brown and green when he was growing up, basically any veg that had had the life boiled out of them!

My mum murders chicken, in fact any time dh or I over cook a chicken we'll say we've pimpfmumed it! Whereas someone else might look at it and give it another 5 minutes, she'll give it al least half and hour! Just outed myself if she's on here. Otherwise she's a fab cook and I love it when she cooks for us.

Dh is a fab cook and I'm sure it's all down to his dad brown and green, so thanks fil!

I must be really lucky- my mum is a medium good cook (although far less adventurous than me). And I don't actually think I have EVER tasted MIL 's cooking, as although I'm sure she does cook a bit, FIL is the roast dinner and curry maker, and whenever we eat there, we seem to have either a roast dinner or a curry!
Not that I am complaining, as they are always delicious.

Sounds like my lovely (late) mum - she was a talented lady in very many ways, but cooking wasn't one of them and dad used to say we'd starve if the tin opener ever disappeared

My MIL is equally bad, but at least she cooks from scratch. Trouble is it's all stodge, pureed veg and meat cooked so long it's unidentifiable. Luckily we get clues from the sauces - if it's horseradish it must be beef, mint sauce means lamb, etc, etc ...

Oh and, my parents are in their late 60s and ILs in early 70s.

God, pippi, I do that. And no one likes my mash either!

Oooooo nooooo - mash should have lots of butter blended in, and I do mean LOTS of butter; we call it "killer mash" here. Okay so it's a health hazard, but that's okay if you only have it occasionally

my mum is a good, if plain, cook but her mother was an early fan of Elizabeth David and went on holiday to Italy a lot, so they had very good food at home. My dad was a decent cook too, learnt (I think) during RAF national service. His mum was OK too, but she'd been in service so possibly she learnt then (she wasn't a cook, though, a maid I think). So not necessarily generational.

MIL isn't great, had Christmas dinner for the first time at hers last year and the meal was as odd and - not grim, but not great - as I'd expected - which was fine as I expected it. It's all edible, she gets everything from M&S, but she does some random pairings. She'd never admit she can't cook, though!

Oh, and agree with a PP - sweetcorn in a sandwich is wrong wrong wrong.

I must say I'm so lucky my DM is / was an incredible cool. A bit repetitive mind you, but just a magician with food. All fresh and tasty despite being really low in salt and fat.

I am also a great cook but in a much more adventurous way. I like spices. I just have the ability to throw stuff into a pot very slap dash and it comes out good.

DH feels so blessed as his DM cooked so much like yours OP. Is it a cultural thing with the English and boiling veg?
I am Italian and make with cheese sauce or other condiments....