To think that my mum is an appalling cook?

[NeonMuffin]

Growing up I was a very fussy eater and there was a lot that I wouldn't eat. I didn't touch any greens or veg, only boiled potatoes that kind of thing. It was only as I got older and started eating out etc that I realised it wasn't that I didn't like these things it was that my mum is a terrible cook.

I know that sounds mean, but it's true she never cookers anything properly. An example is when she makes a roast dinner she will boil the veg for up to an hour until it's turned to mush and tastes of nothing. Everything goes on for an hour, cauliflower, broccoli and she boils carrots until the water goes orange. Meat is not cooked unless it's cremated. A favourite of hers is to cook her meat the day before, then serve it freezing cold with hot gravy over the top (boak). It's just disgusting.

The problem is she keeps asking me around for tea and I know it will be a roast and the thought of if just turns my stomach so I keep rebuffing her but can't forever. Short of upsetting her and causing offence by telling the truth I don't know what else to do?

AIBU?

I'd find any way around it if i were you OP - whether that is taking her out, or bringing a dish you've made in advance, or bringing lovely ingredients and cooking at her house...whatever, and if you decide to let slip the reasons behind it, be kind!

My mum is a pretty shit cook. But I would never tell her that! The DC and I usually go to her house after school on Thursdays, where we are very happy to be served a pizza and some oven chips, fruit salad for dessert. Occasionally she cooks beef stew which is actually quite good. Her face was a picture when I popped out recently and wasn't sure I'd be back in time for tea, she just could not understand that I would rather my chips went cold waiting for me, than let them go black in the oven. I fucking hate burnt oven chips.

DH thought he didn’t like most food but I served it to him anyway and he will eat anything now. I don’t know if that’s just because he doesn’t want to upset me though! I wouldn’t touch my MILs cooking. Mash pie is one thing I have seen her make. Some people are just shit at food, it’s not mean to not want to eat it.

My nan however is a fab cook so it’s not neccessarily an age thing.

YANBU. I don't think you're being rude. I think there is nothing wrong at all with wanting to eat well. I was very lucky to grow up in a household where eating well was considered important. My DM is an excellent cook, and because of our expectations, my two DBs and I cook for our respective families.

I think you are right to find a tactful resolution to this.

My tactic with people who I know aren't the best cooks is to offer to cook with them, and come round with a heap of ingredients - e.g I tried this great salad recently, shall I make it for you etc. I have found that such people are pleased with the suggestion. How strict are your mother's rules about hospitality? Would she be offended by this? I'm assuming that she has no idea that you don't like her food.

btw lard is a magic ingredient when used properly.

My mother cheerfully accepts that she's a shit cook. It's a chore to her. She likes good food, so long as someone else does it.

I find brown sauce covers a multitude of sins

Sympathy fom me. My Mother used to stick a whole chicken in the microwave for roast dinners. If it didn't fit she'd cut the leg off and lob it on top.

NU, not even a little bit. But you are going to have to find a solution that isn't as drastic as going No Contact

My sis and I went vegetarian for years to escape our mum's dire cooking. I can't describe what she did to meat, but a thick, juicy pork chop from the butcher would hit your plate dry, thin and nasty, like the sole of a really old shoe. And I can't explain what she did with sausages, but I still can't eat them!

We went veggies separately, she told me that she wasn't cooking me a separate meal. If I wanted to 'eat fussy' I could cook it myself. When my sister realised that I was eating honest to god, food she announced her own vegginess and that she understood it wasn't fair to expect mum to cook 2 meals.... I have no idea what Dad thought about it!

So ignore posters who say you are rude or ungrateful, save yourself, save your tastebuds, your stomach will thank you

Right - I'm not going to comment on the thread, but I'm wondering what's wrong with tuna sandwiches made with tuna from a tin? How else would you make them?!
(Not the op. A comment a bit further in.)

Oh this has brought back memories...my nan used to cook like that too...veggies were boiled into submission..her test if it was cooked was too take one out press a fork on it, if it mashed it was cooked!
She once had her brother visiting, she put the veg on when he called to say he was leaving his home...a three hour drive away...the poor man was at the offerings when he arrived!
I'm a lousy cook..my DS1 is a chef now!

My MIL does the cook everything the day before thing and warm it up, serving the roast cold with hot gravy, eergh!

My Mum was also a dreadful cook, in fact she still is. Now I am a grown up and cook for my family and for large numbers regularly I actually don't know how she manages to get everything.so.very.wrong

We used to have a sign up in the kitchen 'if you can't smell burning, it must be salad today'

She even managed to completely ruin baked potatoes the other day.

True.

::sorry Mum::

I'm not that poster, Cat, but I can see what they mean. Tinned tuna sandwiches are fine (delicious, even) when mixed with a bit of mayonnaise and possibly some sweet corn, but just mashed straight out of the tin? Bleugh.

OP, would your mum be offended if you suggested bringing some vegetables along to lighten the load for her? Would you be able to sneak into the kitchen and give her a hand? 'Oh, look, this meat's cold. Let me just warm it through in the oven for you.'

Or buy her a cookbook for her birthday.

Cat - my tuna sandwiches would be tuna from a tin but not just thrown on bread. I finely dice red onion and spring onions, and mix them with the tuna. Along with some olive oil, black pepper and some plain fromage frais. Then add between bread. So not just open tin, add, bread on top. That's how my mum makes also!

I hate my mums cooking also. I am still known as the fussy member of the family yet I eat anything and far more variety than they do. Everything is just boiled/ plain.

MrsNodge your mum sounds like mine. Meat cooked in water with tomatoes and onions. Bless her she tries but it never quite works out.

My Mum used to make chips by shallow frying them in lard in a frying pan. They were raw on the inside and burned on the outside. Then put in the oven to "keep warm" which meant they went soggy as well. I was the only 10 year old I knew who didn't like chips - everyone thought I was weird! Then I went to a friend's for tea and her mum made us steak and chips. I was worried because I knew I hated chips and didn't want to be rude and not eat them . . . then I tasted them! They were fantastic:- made in a deep fat fryer, golden and crispy - aaah!

My sister had a similar experience, she was about 35 when she realised that she did NOT in fact loathe mashed potato, just my Mum's mashed potato, which was mashed with a fork and more lump than mash. Once she started making it for herself she realised how nice it was.

Whenever my DH makes me lumpy mash, I smile and say "Ohhh, just like my dear old Mum used to make it" and he says "Sorry." He understands, his Mum was the same.

My MIL's a terrible cook too. My husband regularly expects not to enjoy food such as roast pork because of childhood memories. Then he loves it, and has seconds.

My SIL went vegetarian as a teenager, and I do wonder if her mothers cooking was the reason

Laugh is MIL always says ' oh anyone can cook'.
No they can't.

Oh! I like them straight from tin ( drained, obv) as long as there's lots of butter on the bread!
Mixed with Mayo nice too though. Sweetcorn in a sandwich - wrongity wrong!

Why don't you cook, and take it over to hers. That way she gets a break too

I sympathise OP. My mother was the same - all vegetables boiled until they were the same grey colour, and were tasteless except for a faintly bitter aftertaste. Meat was carved and put back into the oven (uncovered) to keep warm.

Vegetables are still called 'regretables' in this house decades later.

I have the gift of being a really good cook, but I do still wonder how hard it is to be able to read a recipe and get it so wrong? surely cooking is easy now with all the easy step books around. I get it that older folk may have set, old fashioned way of cooking, but cannot see why anyone would be a bad cook in today's times or is it just that I find it easy?

My MIL is a terrible cook, I've never come across anyone so hopeless. When I met dh he didn't like lots of foods but has since realised that it was because of the way his mum cooked them.
One meal that sticks in my mind was when she made us a curry - it was a packet sauce mix poured over chicken - she served it up on it''s own, no rice or bread! It was truly horrible, I was 3 month pregnant and had very bad sickness, one look at my plate and I had to run to the loo. Mil phoned later that night as it had suddenly dawned on her that she had intended to rice with it!!!!Last time we went there for Christmas dinner I took the stuffing, gravy, and dessert - and then cooked the veg myself, she did the roast potatoes and they were like bricks! She prefers my cooking and is not even slightly put out that I turn up there with food or ready to cook!!!
We actually get on really well!

It's funny how many of our mums overcook veg and cremate meat isn't it? I wonder if it's a generational thing?