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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people without children are on this website...?

163 replies

HuskyBlueEyes · 17/03/2014 13:30

It doesn't bother me, it really doesn't as a forums a forum.
But I've noticed people who have commented saying they don't have children to compare and give answers for, and people saying "do you have children?"

I'm just curious I guess as to what they can find to relate too if they do not have children.

(Not including people trying, I'm talking about those on this website despite not even wanting children)

OP posts:
NobodyLivesHere · 17/03/2014 15:11

I don't see the need for the arsey replies? No one said anyone wasn't welcome (least of all the OP who said it wasn't an issue for her in the first line!). it's something I've vaguely wondered when people mentioned not having children. Not in a 'what are they doing here?' way, but in a 'I wonder how someone without children came across mumsnet' way. The replies above have answered my vague musings. No drama, no offence.

sisterofmercy · 17/03/2014 15:12

I came because other people kept talking about interesting threads they'd seen. I stayed because it is lovely being on an internet forum chiefly populated by women which is the opposite to my experience elsewhere. It's not so much that that means this website is so very different - everyone talks about families, telly, books etc etc but it's nice not to feel like the odd one out just because I'm female. I learn a lot on here as the quality of information is very high and the humour is very naughty. Which is good. :)

NobodyLivesHere · 17/03/2014 15:13

It's not a pls e I would have thought to come pre-kids mostly because the Internet barely existed in those days.

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/03/2014 15:14

Nobody - I think it's because this question comes up pretty frequently and the tone of implication that there is something wrong with non-parents being here can come through.

Personally, there's a part of me that says if you've had to ask the question, then it probably DOES bother you, despite saying it doesn't.

Beeyump · 17/03/2014 15:14

Have there been particularly arsey replies?

emmelinelucas · 17/03/2014 15:25

I don't have my own children.
I had a very late MC and I have two grown up SC and GC. Two adopted.
I feel included here, even though I dont seem to "fit in" in RL. For example, when aquaintances ask if I have any family (ie. children) and I dont quite know what to say.
I don't go on any other forums.
Mumsnet has been invaluable for me, even though I am really old.
There is always someone to talk to, and new things to learn.

Lizzabadger · 17/03/2014 15:35

I don't have children. I don't go on child-care/rearing threads. I go on chat, S&B, relationships, AIBU, in the news, telly addicts etc.

I come here because this is the only forum I can think that has like-minded middle-aged women on it and I like to be able to swear.

TurtleBeach · 17/03/2014 15:39

I don't have children and DH and I have no desire to change this situation. I do however work with older teenagers and am very involved in the lives of our nieces, nephews and godson. I first came to mumsnet to see if I could get a bit of an insight into the opinions and challenges faced by the parents of the teenagers with whom I work and found that although this was incredibly helpful to me, it was actually a two way street and I could join in discussions to assist and reassure those parents based on my professional expertise. Then I found the tripadvisor thread and life was never the same again...

I've been using mumsnet now for three years (I'm a serial name changer) and have found the forums on mental health, general health and relationships to be as good, if not better, than any specialist forums out there. There are many wonderful people here and several to whom I will forever be indebted. Personally, I don;t care if the person with whom I am conversing has no kids, 8 kids, 10 cats, a pet alligator and is pregnant with quadruplets... I am here to connect and engage with likeminded people, not their children nor their uteruses (uteri?)

My childfree status has only come up once or twice in this time and each time it has, everyone has been incredibly respectful and understanding of my personal choice without questioning why I continue to post here. Strangely, I have found that I have had more confidence explaining this decision in real life since becoming a mumsnetter.

vrtra · 17/03/2014 15:44

I come from gaming land & its refreshing to be somewhere that talks about things I'm interested in & is majority female

Frettchen · 17/03/2014 15:46

I came here because my best friend was about to have her first and I'm all about knowing things, so I figured it would help me know what to expect as a pseudo-aunt.

I've stayed because;

  • the advice here is sometimes rather good
  • this place is amusing
  • I've had a couple of minor health thingies and it's helped to be around people who've been through the same thing
  • I'm desperate to have a baby, and am not on the 'traditional' path, so this place again has offered some fantastic support
  • and most of all, I don't feel judged or excluded for being on a parenting forum without being a parent. It's really just a forum, but the target demographic is parents, and so the majority of people/conversations are parenty, but it's not a cast iron requirement.
cerseissword · 17/03/2014 15:49

If it wasn't for all the branding issues I think that the name should be changed...

SweetiePie0 · 17/03/2014 15:58

Us childless folk like to come into these forums to gloat about our freedom, perfect weekends and endless trips out to dinner - exotic holidays, that kind of thing.... Yep - we just do it to wind you poor stay at home mothers up...

Why on earth would it even enter your head to ask the question?

JazzlePants · 17/03/2014 16:18

I found MN when looking for miscarriage support. I still don't have children (fertility issues) but most of my friends do. I find some of the threads here very informative of parenting issues that my friends face. I hope this makes me a more understanding friend as a result.

I'm currently following Goldie's posts on the missing plane threads with great interest as I'm an aviation geek!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 17/03/2014 16:35

It's one of those questions IMO. Bit like saying "I'm not racist but...."

hellokittymania · 17/03/2014 17:03

There are a lot of interesting topics on here and I've learned a lot.

Also, I would love to have children one day.

Delphiniumsblue · 17/03/2014 17:11

It is possible to spend a lot of time and never have to discuss children. I am not at all sure it is a lot of help for people with children, people can be very blunt, and it is much more interesting for debate on a whole range of subjects. I haven't found anywhere similar.

Brummiegirl15 · 17/03/2014 17:16

I found MN purely because I googled a recipe and it came up. Coincidentally the thought of TTC was going through my head and also what would life as a parent be like.

We still haven't started yet, but the info and knowledge I've got from MN is incredible. I love AIBU as it's just so entertaining but I also read conception, relationships, litter tray, style and beauty.

It's a fascinating place

Crinkle77 · 17/03/2014 17:21

I like it because some of the forums are fascinating especially AIBU and relationships. I can't really remember how I came across it. I think I might have read about AIBU in the paper and became addicted. My younger sister also became hooked after I recommende it. She was sceptical at first but now goes on it everyday too and she doesn't have kids either.

chrome100 · 17/03/2014 17:22

I found MN about 6 years ago as I was googling something about bilingual children and it took me here. I have never left, despite not having kids, nor having any intention of having them.

There's loads of stuff to read and join in with that doen't require you to be a parent. I also work in education so am interested in child development from that point of view.

boodles · 17/03/2014 17:38

It is nothing like saying 'I am not racist but'!

MysticMugBug · 17/03/2014 17:41

I have no children, but I am du

MysticMugBug · 17/03/2014 17:41

I have no chil

mrssmith79 · 17/03/2014 17:47

I first signed up when were TTC, the boards were a huge source of advice and support as well as Chat /aibu / s&b to while away an hour or two. Unfortunately we found out that we'll never conceive after quite a rough time of it. Never thought about leaving mumsnet though. Shall I get my coat? Sad Sad

thecatfromjapan · 17/03/2014 17:55

I think it's a valid question - and a valid question to keep on asking.

I will add that I really hope that women with children don;t cease to be the majority posters on mumsnet. There are few places where the default voice is that of women with children. It makes a difference.

I'm fond of many of the non-parents who post, and the non-mothers who post. But I really do like it that mothers (who are often subject to quite weird attitudes and often belittled as mothers) have a place where we are a majority voice and our experience is the norm.

I'm not saying I'd want the whole world to be "ours" but I bloody like this little, tiny corner being here.

CanadianJohn · 17/03/2014 17:56

My youngest will be 40 this year, so I don't exactly have children either.

For me, Mumsnet is a window on the astonishing ways that other people live. Very interesting, for the most part. If it wasn't for my vicarious life, I would have no life at all.

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