to think reading threads re "only children" generally make you feel worse

[GwenTen]

I have one ds (11 years old). I would have liked more but DP didn't want any more. Being 49 now - it aint happening anyway

I have all the usual worries and feelings of guilt regarding him being an only but find when I read threads (in particular the ones on the "One Child family" discussion), instead of feeling reassured I end up feeling worse as a lot of people leave very negative opinions (which of course they are entitled to).

I find that the fact that it is the topic of so many discussions makes you feel that is something taboo and not normal.

Does anyone else tend to be scared of reading these types of threads or is it just me. (the people that agree probably won't read this anyway)

I suspect that many people assume that those with only one don't really like children. Instead of understanding that there are many, many reasons for having only one.
My closest friend has an only child. Most people don't know about the 8 miscarriages.

Oh, was it? Sorry

I thought you were being too nice, and that you thought they were just being careless about what they said.

I am disinclined to take such a generous viewpoint. Although it might be more psychologically healthy for me if I did.

I've never in RL come across any 'anti-only-children' views. I have just the one, I have been asked if I'm having any more, but nobody has said anything when I've said no. I'm completely bemused by the idea that having just one is selfish or bad for the child.

I have several siblings, and I love spending time with them. However, it hasn't made me want more kids! One of my sisters wants just 2 children, another wants 4 or 5, another isn't sure she wants any. I think everyone should mind their own business really, it's up to each person/couple how many children they have.

VonHerr, Fadbook - you're right! I'll admit it. I have twins and my friends with first children the same age are starting to have second ones and we fairly laugh our arses off with schadenfreude. It's not big, it's not nice, but it gets us through the day...

personally I can see it both ways because I am an only child myself. There are pluses and minuses but I think it is incredibly rude to go on an only child thread and start telling people you think it's a disadvantage. There's a small element on Mumsnet who I suppose are just insecure about their own life choices and that's why they go around subtly dissing everyone elses (where it is a choice - v aware it isn't for everyone, my mother and I both had recurrent miscarriage).

Thank you for this thread.

I have an only by choice and he is happy and sociable. But I avoid nearly all thread about only children as I feel terribly judged and guilty when I go on them, and they make me miserable. I have had 'friends' judge in RL too, saying how hard we were making life for our DS by choosing not to have another.

DH, DS and I love our little family unit and I need to toughen up and acknowledge that ours is the only opinion that matters!

The thing is, there are obviously some disadvantages to being an only child - I had a very close relationship with my sister, and I'm genuinely sorry that dd has not had the opportunity to share her childhood with a sibling. However, there are many disadvantages to having siblings too - we just tend to be less aware of them because having two or more kids is typically seen as the norm.

As long as our kids are happy and well adjusted, I don't think it matters really.

I grew up with loads of siblings. I was always very lonely and am still crap at making friends/mixing etc. Probably because my mum was so bloody drined from chasing after many kids, dogs, aged relatives and supporting dad in his business I, as the youngest, was pretty much left to my own devices and playdates were an extra aggo for her.

One of my sisters definately has what people would call an 'only child' behaviour - it really is the 'favouired child' behaviour! Spoiled rotten, ego centric and still a big kid at almost 50!