was I unreasonable to have these pics removed?

[realitygone]

A family member who we are no contact with placed two happy birthday notices in the local newspaper / online these adds had their pictures, full dob and full name on.

I have had the paper remove them, anyone can view them and it makes them very identifiable and it scares the hell Out of me when the view count said 20! 20 people looked at my children without my permission

I don't thini I over reacted, however wondered if anyone thinks this is ok to do?.

[JumpingJackSprat]

Nobody needs to know the circumstances of why she is nc with this person you're all just being bloody nosy. Fact is she has her reasons so no op yanbu.

[FrontForward]

I would not like this. In the same way that I don't post my picture or my date of birth on here. All of you who think it's ok...let's see your DOB and pics on here.

[MrsCosmopilite]

Obviously we're not aware of your reasons for NC and we don't need to be. If you're NC what the family member did was wrong.

Understand that you're infuriated by their overstepping the mark, and I fully appreciate that the personal information with the pictures was too much. But saying that you're alarmed that people are looking at your children? What happens when you go out in the street? People look at them then, surely?
I'm guessing your concern more is that people can identify your children as particular identities with the information on the photos?

[shakinstevenslovechild]

I wouldn't worry about people seeing the photo but I would worry about the person you are nc with not having any sort of boundaries or respect for your wishes.

[LessMissAbs]

Newspapers are full of these notices. The family member presumably did this as a nice gesture as they have not much contact with you. How hurtful for them for you to react in this way. Maybe you need a little bit of perspective.

[SwimmingMom]

OP I am totally with you. I would be livid! Why disclose your children's names, what they look like & DOB to the world? I may be paranoid here but I think if there is a weirdo living near you they may use this information to approach your child, wish them a happy birthday & offer them sweets. Children may think its a known person as they know so much about the child. Absolutely unnecessary exposure of children!

I do ask friends who post my children's pictures to remove them - if they reveal any details of where we live or which school they attend.

There is no reason to believe that every individual who may get this information will have good intentions.
When people see children on the street they don't learn their names or any other info about them. Knowing a little bit about someone us not very useful to cause damage, but if you hand out a lot of it then it can be used wrongly.

There is a very good reason why schools do not divulge pupil personal information easily - name, DOB, address etc.

[BertieBotts]

I think most people must have missed the no contact part.

For me if you're not trying to outrun anybody or stay hidden from somebody in particular, this is no big deal and is only linking up information which is in the public domain anyway.

But if you're trying to stay unfound for some reason or other, either because of online harassment or RL harassment then it's a big deal, but other than that no not really. It didn't even say where you are.

Front I have photos on my profile, quote my age often on threads, have probably mentioned my birthday at some point and if you so wanted you could probably stalk me through my old birth month thread and find DS' date of birth and probably his real name, it would be easy to get an idea of what this date of birth is as I regularly quote his age and less regularly mention the month he was born in. I find it unlikely that someone might take so much offence to my postings on mumsnet that they come and find me and do something to my DS In addition, we live in a city with 200,000 population, outside of the UK, and I've never mentioned which particular part.

The passport argument is ridiculous. You need a very specific photograph to apply for a passport, not to mention other identification like previous passport numbers. And it only works if you look vaguely like the person!

[Roshbegosh]

The reasons for non contact are relevant if the OP wants to know what we think.

Read gerttheflirt's post back at the beginning of the thread. This might be the act of a loving father or grandfather that RP has estranged for spite, to punish them because someone didn't do what she wanted for instance. Or it might be a genuine risk, we don't know, of course the reasons are relevant.

[realitygone]

Hi all,

thank you for all the responses. I deliberately left out reasons for the NC because I wanted to see if people thought it was ok in normal situation's.

The person who placed the add is my mother, I have been nc with her and my step dad for the last year due to years of emotional and physical abuse and a realisation that my mum infact was not on my side as she was stabbing my in my back whilst smiling to my face.

I know hundreds of people see my children that isn't the issue, the issue is the dob, pic & full name makes them vulnerable as it is so identifiable we don't live in a big city.

I also feel she is disrespecting us, we never make our pictures public on facebook or anywhere and am very careful about who and where I share data, she knows this and it feels like a power play.

I am glad most agree with me.

[cloggal]

lessmissabs 'not much contact' isn't the same as No Contact. The latter is a firm decision not to engage with someone, rather than just being a bit lax about being in touch. If you have asked someone not to contact you again and they post pic

[cloggal]

Argh DS! Pictures of your kid

[cloggal]

I've cross posted with OP anyway - but I don't understand how people can't see that if you've asked someone to stop contacting you, then posting even a 'nice' notice is not respecting that.

Hope you're OK, OP

[realitygone]

cloggal I am ok thank you, I am struggling with everything so sometimes I don't always know if I am being rational

[cloggal]

Have a look at the 'stately homes' thread in relationships realitygone if you haven't already. For most of us, cutting off family is irrational - but in situations like yours it certainly is not, and there is a lot of excellent support there from people from dysfunctional families.

[GingerBlondecat]

Nope not irrational.

((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

[guerre]

I have namechanged to post this.

My mother (No Contact due to abusive childhood, we live in different countries) caused us no end of problems by publishing my child's name and DoB in the newspaper.
When my eldest was born my mother published their name, date and place of birth in a UK national newspaper because that was her right as a loving grandmother (she was informed of birth by other family member, not out of malice though).

Except that my husband's family have a unique name in UK (non-British), and his father was assassinated for political reasons in another country (when DH was a child). My MIL had changed surname on moving to UK, suddenly she began receiving letters from people that knew her in that time, addressed to her name at our address. This has caused her much sadness, and personal difficulty, as she hoped these issues were in the past. She had nothing to do with her husband's political dealings in any case.

My mother also then tried to open a UK bank account in my eldest's name, partially because of the preferential interest rate (this was quite some time ago!) but mainly because she wanted a UK bank account, but did not want to fork out for it as Non-UK citizens have to. The money was not for my child, and never would be.

[IslaValargeone]

Do people really need to write "ffs get over yourself" in answer to a post where where at the time we are unsure of what potentially awful circumstances the op might be dealing with.

[realitygone]

guerre I am sorry to hear you have also struggled as a result of a toxic mother.

[AreYouBlueOrAreYouBlind]

Guerre that's awful, hope things are a bit better now.

Reality YANBU. as for the comments claiming people see your children every day, well, yes, but they don't have their full names, DOB and location (local paper) tattooed onto their heads do they?
A glimpse in the street is completely different to a printed piece in the family notices.

I honestly think some people on here are so quick to be the first to be a git deem the op unreasonable they fail to even acknowledge the potential bigger picture.

[eddielizzard]

i would be very upset.

[cloggal]

guerre

[cloggal]

And isla I couldn't agree more! but I think hope most simply didn't catch that bit of the OP.

[MorrisZapp]

You've asked if you were unreasonable having the pics removed. Of course that's not unreasonable, regardless of your reasons.

However, I don't think your children have been made vulnerable by the pics. Presumably you are more sensitive to this kind of thing due to private issues, but in reality I don't think children are compromised by being identified in public.

[Fifyfomum]

What do you expect anyone to do with the full name and DOB?

This is what is really confusing me, why is there an issue with the full name being printed? How is it a security issue?

[realitygone]

I deem it to be a security issue because if someone walked upto my 4year old and knew her name and that it was her birthday recently she would happily talk to them, especially if she was told they know me.