Not to invite one boy from ds's football team to his bday party??

[CocktailQueen]

DS has never got on with one boy from his team. There are ten of them. Other boy is rough and kicks and pushes DS all the time. I don't like him. Wibu not to invite him to his football bday party? Other boys in the team have asked all team members. Can't decide... There will be other boy's there apart from team boys.

At 6 to leave him out in this way is horrid. By doing so, you and your son are now the bullies. Your behaviour will be noticed by all the other parents so expect them to have an opinion of you which may not be great after the event. I would think you were nasty. It's not like they are older, he is 6 years old.

You can easily manage the situation, talk to the other boys parents, tell them you are in a pickle as the boys don't get on ( are they aware of the fighting?) but you don't want to be a nasty vindictive person and leave him out at a party, so maybe they could attend to supervise? Or maybe they are happy for him not to attend and they can monitor his behaviour a bit more?

It's an excellent opportunity to teach your son about managing relationships, behaving to others as you would like done to you, forgiving but also how to take control and not stand for abuse.

I don't believe a 6 year old is a fully formed bully for life, but not managing relationships and the 'eye for an eye' attitude will not help in the long run. Your son may have years ahead with this boy, do you want the relationship to always be awful or could you help the situation and teach your son how to help himself?

Hope he has a lovely party regardless.

If he was 9 or 10 years old I wouldn't have a problem with leaving him out

But at 6, they still have a lot to learn.

I'd invite him and watch him like a fucking hawk.

inviting this boy may help the situation?

If you do invite him; Can you have an adult keeping an eye on him and have him leave the party if he does not behave nicely? Maybe your son´s father or another man? Not to sound sexist, but sometimes a grown man being firm can have positive effect on a misbehaving boy. So can a firm grownup woman too, I guess. This could maybe have a positive effect long term as well, trying to include him but showing him that bad behaviour has unpleasant consequences. It could be an insecure and unhappy little boy hiding in there and especially with the young age I would maybe try to include him, but have him sent home early if he is not nice.

what are his parents like?

They're 10. The pusher is old enough now to understand the consequences of his actions. When they're all 4 or 5 and bumbling about all being pretty much as bad as each other it's mean, but 10's old enough to invite who he wants.

The kids are 6

I'd go for the smaller than 10 idea, even though he's a bully, it won't help his behaviour to feel he's being victimised, it's unlikely to teach the improving lesson people think. I agree ds shouldn't have to have him there though.

It's irrelevant that the child is six, he's the same age as your son, six year old's shouldn't have to put up with violent bullies ruining their birthday party any more than an older child, teenager or adult should. It's your sons special day, it's all about him, give him the best party you can and don't change anything for the bully (like making it smaller), don't invite him either. Six is old enough to know not to kick or hit for fun (and he would know that if his parents dealt with him properly), he'll never learn if everyone continues to indulge his behaviour.

But his behaviour wouldn't be indulged at the party.

What is happening wrt squashing this boy's behaviour generally?

No way would I invite a child like that. I would def exclude him. He has to learn surely!! A boy like that teased my DS over his disability and no way was he invited to anything of DSs. Didn't feel bad at all due to the nastiness DS got.

It's funny how lost of people saying this 6 year old has to learn. I'm not sure how many 6 year olds would equate not being invited to a party, to stop pushing your son.

At this age there are some boys rougher than others. If you don't know his home life, then who's to say if he has other problems. There is an aggressive kid in dc class (same age as your child). I was getting really irritated with his behaviour towards my son (nasty and rude), then I realised at the frequent parents days the school holds he is the only child in the class who never has a parent or carer attend, he is always the first in breakfast club and stays in after schools until the end. I feel sorry for him and just want to hug him (even though he is a pain!).

Invite him but make sure you have a couple of other adults to run interference if he is getting a bit full on, you could even ask his mum or dad to stay.

Apart from anything else, is anyone actually dealing appropriately with this boy's behaviour? Has anyone spoken to the coach, school, parents, him? He might have some interesting things to say about what is going on. Is there a reason OP's DS is targeted? Is home OK? Has he got SN?

Best to just exclude without knowing anything or trying anything. That is sure to not confuse and anger a 6 yo. He is definitely emotionally mature enough to think, "wow, no party, I must immediately act appropriately at all times".

Hmm well when DD3 was 5 she had 10 children in her year group and I really wanted to leave out a very badly behaved rough boy from school (his dad is horrible to him which is the route of his bad behaviour, I think) DD cried that he was coming but after much soul searching I invited him and was utterly pissed off that his mum (knowing what a little sod he was) jiggered off ASAP and I had to spend the whole party controlling him,because other children were crying that they were frightened of him.Fortunateklt the party was at a leisure centre so the staff there ran teh games etc
So no I would not leave another child out , out of spite, but there are occasions where the price is just too high.One child can singlehandedly ruin a birthday party.He obviously has very big issues which are not your responsibility

I don't think the OP wants to leave him out from spite but because her son isn't friends with him.

Why not give your son a limit eg 7 friends if it is his 7th birthday and let him write a list of who he wants to invite from school. Then, for the football team, just ask the coach if you can send a cake in for them to have after training one afternoon.

Is it just your son he targets or is he rough with all of them?

If just your son, then it's bullying, and I don't see why your son should have to endure inviting his bully.

If he's generally rough, then I say invite, he's only 6 and learning how to behave. Also, if it's only happening during football, probably someone is encouraging him to play rough like this. It is a rough contact sport. OH comes off streaming blood from somewhere after most matches. He lost a tooth a couple of weeks ago. It's not appropriate to be rough at this age - but maybe dad or other influence is teaching this kid stuff they shouldn't be.

oh well if I had a party I wouldn't take kindly to someone telling he I had to invite the mega bitch who I dislike.

it's your sons party. it's his call.

if you want to help socialise this lad then ask him for tea, but it's not fair to ruin a special event just because you feel sorry for another kid.

your kid should know that you put his feelings first.

you can't mother the world.

People keep saying that they wouldn't have someone they didn't like at their party. Maybe I'm weird but I have had the arsehole best mate, the nasty flirts with partners GF, the annoying sister of 'nice' guests at parties because I have manners and don't exclude people.

At my kid's parties; I generally have more to do with my time than "manage" the behaviour of the more spirited guests...
I make it a general rule than any child who needs more attention devoted to them than the birthday child themselves, isn't invited again.
I learned this the hard way, and never deviated from it again.
And all those advocating "invite less children, so he doesn't feel so conspicuous". I can see the merit in this; but I also think, you know, why?
If someone is being excluded for bad behaviour; why shouldn't they know about it, rather than other children being bumped from the guest list as a smokescreen? Why is that fair?

well MrsTerry good for you but for me manners goes not or ever will trump my kids happiness or a great party.

good manners are holding the door open and please/thank you, not martydom.

I know the boy is only 6 and could have multiple problems and that's genuinely awful etc but I don't think your sons birthday is the time to have to 'help' him.
I think it's ok to put the happiness of your own Dc first at the expense of social etiquette if the behaviour would ruin his day, and it sounds like it would.
It will look awful and you'll probably have to be ready to defend you choice to others but I don't think you're doing it out of spite, you're doing it to ensure your Ds has a nice birthday - there's a difference.
I also don't think you should have to cut a guest list if everyone else is well-behaved enough to be there why shoudn't they be?

I know the boy is only 6 and could have multiple problems and that's genuinely awful etc but I don't think your sons birthday is the time to have to 'help' him. Which is why this should have been tackled before. I actually think it is far worse to be kicked and pushed at EVERY football practice and EVERY break and lunch at school than have a rough child at my own party, with everyone monitoring his behaviour and ready to step in.

TheBody I really don't believe you have invited people to your house and said, "don't bring your BF, don't bring your wife (they are shits)". You may have excluded a couple but not picked one of a 'set'. Just like people have suggested asking a few of the boys, not all but one.