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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite one boy from ds's football team to his bday party??

72 replies

CocktailQueen · 14/03/2014 21:45

DS has never got on with one boy from his team. There are ten of them. Other boy is rough and kicks and pushes DS all the time. I don't like him. Wibu not to invite him to his football bday party? Other boys in the team have asked all team members. Can't decide... There will be other boy's there apart from team boys.

OP posts:
NinjaBunny · 14/03/2014 22:20

I'm not keen on leaving one child out. It's just simply not right.

It's not right that one child is allowed to bully others.

They're nice then they come to the party.

Simples.

6 is well old enough to know that.

:)

ThoughtsPlease · 14/03/2014 22:21

I can't see that it will help the situation if he is the only one not invited.

They are 6.

It may even make it worse, he may push him a bit more!

NinjaBunny · 14/03/2014 22:26

But if he is invited he'll know it's okay to bully people, that he'll get away with it and still get 'treats'.

You'll be doing him no favours that way, either.

There's people in my life who've treated me badly. If DP invited them to our home on my special day I'd be gutted.

How would you feel??

You can't disregard your child's feelings in favour of another child. Your children come first.

OddFodd · 14/03/2014 22:32

I don't think any child should be forced to invite a child to their party that they don't like. But I also don't think it's very kind or sensible to leave out one child, even if they're a bully. All that does is teach them that they're outside of society and that's not going to do anyone any favours in the long run.

CQ - in your situation, I'd invite fewer boys (6?) and say that there had to be limited numbers at the party. They're babies still and they won't question that rationale.

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2014 22:47

If you know he is being pushed and shoved by this boy, have you spoken to the coach and the teacher?

FernieB · 14/03/2014 22:47

As Odd said - invite fewer boys and have a smaller party. When mine were that age so many parents invited the whole class to parties that there was a party nearly every week. It was no longer special and the kids just didn't always want to go. We did turn down invitations several times. You don't need to invite every child your DC knows to their party.

SallyMcgally · 14/03/2014 22:52

Agree with odd. Unfair on your DS to have to invite someone who bullies him, but leaving out one 6 year old doesn't sit well with me.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 15/03/2014 21:35

There are only 10 boys in the football team, so plus some others would only be say 15 at party. Hmm. Will think.

OP posts:
Blaineisnotanappliance · 15/03/2014 21:40

I would not exclude one child as I am an adult and don't wish to behave in a spiteful,childish way. Children who bully others have very often been bullied themselves.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/03/2014 22:28

Gosh they're only 6, you cannot leave one child out. Either he invites less or you invite this boy.

Backtobedlam · 15/03/2014 22:37

At 6 they chop and change friends on a regular basis-I'd say he's pretty young to be a 'bully' and is more likely just getting a bit overexcited at football and doesn't realise the boundaries. If he starts misbehaving at the party you'll be there to step in. I'd feel very mean just leaving one child out and it's likely to make things worse for both him and your ds in the long run.

innisglas · 16/03/2014 00:50

I like the idea of inviting a smaller number from the team so as not single the "bully" out.

Greenmug · 16/03/2014 06:43

My DD wasnt invited to a party yesterday of a girl she is friends with. She wasnt invited because the little girls mother doesn't like ME. We live next to the venue and DD sat watching all her friends walk into the party. :(The mother told me that because she and in had 'had words' DD wasn't invited then told me the time of the party in case I wanted to take DD out, which I thought was fairly decent of her. Then she told me the wrong time for the party. Angry

VelvetSpoon · 16/03/2014 06:53

I think when the numbers are so small, it's pretty mean-spirited to leave one kid out, whatever the reason.

My DS got left out of the party of a boy from his football team (when all the other boys were included) on two consecutive years. AFTER said boy had come to DS's parties. I think his mother thought she was a little bit better than us (because she didn't work and I did Hmm) but didn't stop her sending her bloody kid to DS's parties though! (I would have banned him but DS liked him).

I have not invited children from the DC's class in the past, but I only ever did it where I was leaving several out, not just one. And if we'd been to their party, then they got invited to ours, it's pretty ignorant otherwise.

Kytti · 16/03/2014 07:18

Can't believe you're all having a go about this. Your son isn't friends with him, so he doesn't come. Simple.

Would you invite someone from work you despise and is mean to you over to your house for dinner?

slartybartfast · 16/03/2014 07:44

i think it is mean.
he is only 6.
i am sure you can keep an eye on him, to stop the pushing

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/03/2014 09:08

Let your son pick the guest list, its his party. I have always let DS choose but ensure he adds on anybody whose party he has gone to if he misses them off the list.

I dont buy into the whole either invite all or half, why should some miss out just because of another child. Surely its down to the party host to invite who they like just as adults do?

Parties are a social nightmare though on MN either the invite all or half and just turning up with siblings etc.

Nanny0gg · 16/03/2014 10:42

Greenmug It's that level of spite that makes me say how unkind it is to leave out one child.

In your case it's the mum that's horrible. However I still firmly believe that ostracising one child is not going to show them the error of their ways or improve their behaviour.

And at 6 it can easily be managed at a party.

winkywinkola · 16/03/2014 10:48

Hmmm.

You all say you wouldn't invite grown up bullies to your home so why should you invite this little kid?

Leaving out one kid is wrong and unkind. Two wrongs?

Why don't you give the kid the invitation, get down to his level and tell him if there is any pushing, shoving, kicking etc, he will be out on his ear.

What happens when this boy bullies? Do any of you parents step in and have a stern word with him? Or is the opportunity not there?

Finola1step · 16/03/2014 12:00

It's your son's party. He has said that he doesn't want to invite this boy. Decision made.

Skivvywoman · 16/03/2014 12:49

I couldn't leave 1 child out, i would hate it to happen to any my DC so I wouldn't do it to others,

He's only 6 I'm sure there will be enough adults to make sure he behaves!

ilovesooty · 16/03/2014 12:59

Your son doesn't want the boy there. I don't think you should feel you have to invite a bully.

I'd tell his mother why if she asks though.

honeythewitch · 16/03/2014 13:17

If you want people to think your child is bullying the one that shoves, go ahead and leave him out, and be prepared for tears when he invites everyone but your son when his birthday comes round.

ilovesooty · 16/03/2014 13:37

Why is it bullying not to invite a bully? And I'm assuming that the OP wouldn't want her son to go to the bullys party even if invited.

SaucyJack · 16/03/2014 13:47

If it genuinely is all the time, then YADNBU.

Your child needs to see that you value his happiness and safety above looking good in front of other parents.