The last fucking straw

[Fusedog]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2014765-AIBU-nit-to-give-this-boy-a-lift

Well tonight was the last fucking straw tonight oh was on call so I had to get a baby sitter to watch baby for 10 minutes while I picked up ds from cadets and guess what they boy was waiting expecting a fucking lift home

He hadn't rung to ask I explained I had no one at home oh was on call and a neighbour kindly piped in to watch the baby for 10 minutes while I picked up ds I told him that he either had to come to mine and wait for oh yo get back and then I could drop him or he could ring a Cab from mine to his house and his nan would pay at the other end

He was rude to me then said he would make his own way home it's 10 at night and he's in in army gear

But to be honest I think this is a piss take I am furious if something happens to him no doubt it will be my fuckng fault

He can't just expect a lift home he has no idea of my situation he has no idea weather or not I was even going straight home he can't just turn up at cadets expecting that I will from him home wtf

I have ring his mum however I will going up there tomorrow to have it out with her this is fucking not on

AIBU

No I agree with you there, was always thankful when taken anywhere and learned to drive as soon as I could so my children will never have the same problem. [productofchildhood]

And oh is not being any help just rung him and he dosent think that there being unreasonable or he won't say ffs

might he be fibbing about not being allowed on the bus? Maybe spending the bus fare his mum is providing him on cigarettes or something and then manipulating lifts out of people who feel too awkward to say no? Has ANYONE spoken to the boy's mum?

They are taking the piss and for that noway. Their ds is not your responsibility. Tell them lifts will not be happening, they will have to collect him themselves!

So either his mum drops him off or he doesn't go to cadets and so that is a consequence of his rude behaviour. Tough life.

We live in London they all have free zip cards so can travel free on all buses at all times

Ds has a theory

He's a bit of a smart arse and ds says he's always getting it at school I think he got smart to the wrong person on the bus and got a slap

He's really really really tiny he looks about 10 years old

I dont understand why youve let it drag on. Just tell them no and why. He isnt your problem

Have read both threads. Without knowing the entire back story I feel a bit sorry for the boy, having one of that age myself. It sounds like his mum doesn't give a shit to be honest.

WTF is his mother doing expecting the boy to ask you for a lift? How well does she know you to even consider letting her son phone you to ask for a lift? What mother does that?

I would definitely speak to her as soon as you can and explain that SHE needs to look after her son, not you!!!

I know that my son would feel incredibly uncomfortable having to approach someone else's mum to ask for a lift.

OP there is no need to go round and "have it out". Just let him know next time he calls (if he calls) that you will no longer be giving him lifts. That's it. Don't make this into something big. It isn't your problem, you're just making it a problem for you and creating drama by not enforcing the boundaries you have set. He's rude and ungrateful and it sounds like the family are happy to see what they can get away with, but all you have to do is stop giving him lifts. They aren't actually forcing you.

I think there's a good chance his mum doesn't know he's not getting the bus other than the odd occasion she's seen him getting out of your car. Your DH could be right: he may well have pissed off the wrong person on the bus and his mum may or may not know.

I feel like a right Wally I really cross with myself and as others have said I should of stopped this sooner

Yes I have left a message so that should be fine

Also I hope ds and him don't fall out over this now

You're not a wally at all. His mum is the wally if anyone!!!!

Speak to her, be firm, stand your ground, she is responsible for him, not you (I would have done exactly the same in your situation rather than leaving the boy 'stranded').

I was asked by cub leaders to give a lift home, to a boy I had never met ,from an activity which was about 8 miles from home. I dropped the boy off and he ran in the house I waited for his mum just to stick her head out so I knew she was in. Nobody came to the door and not a word of thanks!

I understand how difficult this must be for you, but please don't blame a 14 year old boy for the situation. I find these posts telling you to 'just tell him 'no more lifts' unbelievably cruel . Of course he's a bit impolite and rude - he obviously hasn't got a better role model!

He is much too young to be expected organise lifts at this time at night, (with 'strange' adults) which cause such huge disruption for you.

He is a CHILD - even if he's wearing a fucking uniform. This is entirely down to his mother to negotiate! If she doesn't KNOW how the fuck her kid is getting home (in army kit!! then she needs a serious kick up the arse.

And I'm not trying to be an apologist for her, but my oldest and best friend - a very senior member of the immigration service - is currently in absolute despair about the changes that have been imposed on shift patterns for her staff. She is trying to firefight many disastrous domestic situations occurring for staff who are single parents, caring for elderly family members or in poor health themselves. They are being FORCED for work crazy unworkeable hours (8 days straight night shifts for example) with no flexibility whatsoever,or consideration for their domestic circumstances, often after years and years of being in the job with negotiated flexible working patterns.

Why are you blaming this boy for the situation?

Lapsed tge boy is 14 not 4, so should know how to behave, there is no excuse for rudeness. Ok if the mother is not able to take him, he cannot go! Op does not want to give this boy a lift and it's her perogative!

What does your friends job situation have to do with this lapsed?

Lapsed, by 14, bad example or not, I'd expect a lad to have some manners.

At some point in his life that boy will have to take responsibility for the fact that if he treats people like shit then they are going to tell him to piss off.

And also this lad's mother has been in on many of the occasions that the OP has picked him up when she could have given him a lift herself.

Lapsed the boy is 14 and should know how to behave by now.

OP if the boys do fall out, so be it. You are not a free taxi service for someone who can't be bothered to pick up the phone and ask for a lift and who can't be bothered to say thank you. You have done enough.

It's odd though, because the cadets near me all walk or travel in uniform-I pass them on the street when I'm coming home from work and see them all togged up outside the building where they have cadets. Seems daft that some are doing it but not others.

I'm not sure it's even worth having it out with anyone: just ring the mother and say there will be no more lifts. You needn't even give a reason, but if you have to, it's because he is putting you out, is not prepared to stick to an arrangement and has been rude to you.