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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask dd's dad not to message dd and friends in an app they use?

57 replies

positively9something · 11/03/2014 19:42

My dd is only 6, she has her own tablet and I have allowed her to download kick to message 2 friends who are children, my female friend, me and her dad.

Hey friend is only 5 and is also on kick. My dd included her dad in a conversation with her and her friends (who are my friends children) dd's dad started messaging everyone involved in the conversation (created by 6year old dd) and he doesn't know my friends dc very well so if I was him I wouldn't message them.

Today he replied to my dd with lots of kisses xxxxxxx and the smiley face that has the heart shaped eyes. I felt it was not appropriate to send everyone in that message (happy for him to send them to my dd but not others).

Anyway I called him and asked him only to message dd and not my friend and her kids but he got all in a mood and started telling me I'm weird for saying that.

Now he is messaging me having a go at me for saying what I said, it's just if my friends ex was sending group messages with lots of kisses and heart shaped eyes I would think it was an inappropriate way to message.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
intitgrand · 11/03/2014 20:14

Can't their mum just defriend him or whatever you do if she is not happy with teh situation.I can't really see why this is your business?

SavoyCabbage · 11/03/2014 20:14

My dd was told at a cyber safety thing at school that they should not use kik. She is 10. I wanted to know more about it so I had a look at it. The reviews for the app are terrifying.

It gives the names then "older guy likes younger girls" for example.

That is a real one off the reviews. And there are loads!

NigellasDealer · 11/03/2014 20:15

maybe this thread is a wind up?

SavoyCabbage · 11/03/2014 20:17

I've a screenshot of the reviews page as I sent it to my friend later that day, after the cyber safety talk.

As far as I know anyone can message anyone.

Floggingmolly · 11/03/2014 20:17

I think so, Nigella Hmm. Surely no one's quite that thick?

Faverolles · 11/03/2014 20:20

Nigella, my ds is 8, at primary school. He begs me for kik because his friends are on.
One family has a 5 yr old, 7 yr old and 10 yr old, they are all very active on kik.
Some people have no idea how dangerous these things can be.

Mckayz · 11/03/2014 20:20

It says on the Kik website that it is for over 13s only.

Mental.

CSIJanner · 11/03/2014 20:22

I really hope so Nigella ad its giving DH the rage. He's in computer security - his group and colleagues work and have close ties with CEOP amongst others, so he's currently frothing at the mouth so to speak at the stupidity of this thread.

Pregnantberry · 11/03/2014 20:25

You're not being unreasonable OP, I think almost all parents would be a little freaked out by their DC's friend's dad messaging their six year old (or 10, year old, or 16 year old for that matter).

I can actually understand why your ex reacted badly because it probably never occurred to him that it would be interpreted that way and it's pretty horrible to feel like you're being accused of anything in the direction of inappropriate contact with a child, but hopefully he will come round by considering how he would feel if an adult man was sending messages to his 6 year old.

I would delete the app if I were you. My stepson is 6 and he would never be allowed anything like that and I will do the same with my own DC when they're old enough. I think because I am quite a young mum and was 11/12 at the time instant messaging was just becoming popular (MSN/AIM in my day) I saw what potential it had for cyber bullying, extremely age inappropriate messages/pictures being sent and just how obsessed my generation became with it which meant we communicated less face-to-face. So, personally I would try and put all that off for as long as possible really (you won't be able to separate her from it in 10 years, plenty of time for it then) Wink.

NatashaBee · 11/03/2014 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloodyteenagers · 11/03/2014 20:28

Anyone can message anyone. Instead of using a number, it's a name. There is a dedicated page to find friends. This is public and is linked into the app to make it easier to find new friends. If you are curious please, please, please do not open this while there are children in the room or from work because there are obscene pictures as profile pics. When I looked I got a screen full of cocks.

I have had to use the app when looking at various options for internet safety.

Google store, have this app at medium maturity. This is their classification for content including sexual references, violence etc.

The 13 age is something that is mentioned in the t&c's from KIK, where they mention that they don't store data for people under 13. Or something along those line. IIrc, they don't mention that it's 13+

I would want to hope that no one is that fucking stupid to allow their children onto things not vetted... But sadly this isn't the case.

SaucyJack · 11/03/2014 20:34

No idea what Kick is, or whether it's age appropriate.

But YABVU to dictate how he speaks to his daughter. Do you speak to her friends? The fact he is a male parent doesn't make it any weirder.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 11/03/2014 20:38

This is a piss take.

Surely no one is stupid enough to allow their 6 y/o to do that!

If you are OP you're a feckin igit!

Pregnantberry · 11/03/2014 20:41

SaucyJack but OP said that she didn't mind him messaging her daughter, so she isn't dictating how he speaks to her at all.

The issue is that he is an adult and sending messages to other six year olds who are not his children, on an app which is apparently known as an easy place to meet strangers and exchange pictures of genitals. No, OP is not doing this, I don't know any adults who do this.

She is doing him a favour for pointing out that this is inappropriate before he gets lynched.

Original poster
positively9something · 11/03/2014 20:44

Thank you to those of you that said something other then is this a wind up and saying I'm stupid.

Yes I will delete the app now, I thought it would have been ok as I thought that people had to know your name to add you, obviously I should have researched it more and didn't! Now I know I will delete it.

OP posts:
Bloodyteenagers · 11/03/2014 20:54

Yes, I thought that without any filters, I could search dolls and find children's dolls.
Yes I thought that without filters I could search funny words like bum and farts as a primary school child..

I thought these things would be fine. They are innocent phrases.. However, they also have other meanings. This is what makes the net dangerous.

Parents thinks it's all a wonderful safe place. That there is nothing bad there. That they don't need to research a damn thing.

They think. But they don't think right. Thinking is good, providing it is used correctly. IE research thoroughly.

Next time start with app name followed by reviews.
Then by age rating.
Then like the messaging one, friends.
Don't just read one site and think ok then that's fine.. No, you take time. And read many, many different sources because as well as honest reviewers out there, the people involved with the apps are also making countless accounts and leaving positive reviews all over the net.

Do NOT do these searches with children in the room. Yes I know I have said this before.

Anyone can add your dd and her mates as friends. There names will be on the friend site...

MammaTJ · 11/03/2014 21:05

Tip for the future-do your research before allowing your child to have an app you know nothing about.

Sparrowlegs248 · 11/03/2014 21:07

Oh my god. Messaging at 6?? Iattended a seminar today, about domestic abuse and sexual violence, targetting children. A report showed children being targeted 2 minutes after being 'online'

I'm not scaremongering. But seriously, research this stuff before you let your 6yr old loose with it!

SaucyJack · 11/03/2014 21:13

Yes, I did read the OP pregnantberry

I'm just trying to separate out the two issues. The first one being whether the DD should be using the app n the first place. The second being whether there's something inappropriate about a man having unsupervised interactions with his friends children. Quite honestly, I don't find that part of weird at all. I assume he isn't showing them pictures of genitalia.

deakymom · 12/03/2014 00:11

umm i dont think the point of the post was about the app it was about the behaviour of her ex on the app?

he is being a bit weird isnt he? parents could get the wrong idea about grown men sending there children emoticon especially as that sounds like the lustful/love one

RedandChecker · 12/03/2014 08:39

Part of my job is to go into schools and make children aware of the privacy settings they can use on apps, cyber bullying, sexting etc. I've seen children as young as 8 using Facebook without parents supervising. This in itself is shocking but I am stunned to find out that children who are just learning to read and write are using an app such as kik and the parents haven't even done their research. Utterly careless. How are you expecting to have any control or say in how they use social networking when they are 15 when you are ao blasé about them using it at 5.

SeaSickSal · 12/03/2014 09:07

Get rid of the app. I'm not surprised he's pissed off though, you've basically implied he's grooming his daughter's friends, I'm not surprised he's not impressed.

TheKid · 14/04/2014 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JerseySpud · 14/04/2014 12:06

To me shes tooo young to havve a tablet with access to the internet

wigglylines · 14/04/2014 12:24

I think we've just about covered the app now!

Getting back to the OP's actual question, positively, I don't understand what the problem is? What's wring with your ex sending kisses to your DD in public? Would you think it was inappropriate if a mum did it?

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