'X is bringing her wheelchair friend.'

[Grockle]

AIBU to find this offensive?

I'm an occasional wheelchair user and can't decide if I am perfectly justified in thinking that was a really crappy way of saying that someone was visiting us and bringing her friend who happens to be in a wheelchair.

X is not friends with a wheelchair but the person in it.

I sat quietly & didn't say anything but had to bite my tongue. I wish I'd said something though.

Yes it was in a discussion with Christopher Hitchens about blasphemy laws, but has since been used every time someone wants to defend using language that someone finds offensive.

good grief....

mind you we had some serious honest to god excitement where I work because we were having our first ever wheelchair user in the department....which now I look back at it is pretty horrific (the excitement that is). We used the event to get a whole load of disability access work done (much of which probably wasn't necessary for the person concerned) and it came from an inclusive positive place...but still.

Then said wheel chair user got pregnant. This lead to a whole new range of educating of antique perspectives.....

Some people are still talking about it...

Absolutely, MrsDeVere. Wonder what Mr Fry makes of it.

Wouldn't it be the same as announcing someone was bringing a black friend/ gay friend/ Goth friend/ blind friend/ dwarf friend and so on?

Just "bringing a friend" would be all the information required ta.

I think some of you are being very over the top. The person probably just forgot their name and was describing them but worded it poorly. Probably didn't mean any harm, just opened gob without thinking.

Birdo, can you answer imissredwine's post, directly above yours?

"Wouldn't it be the same as announcing someone was bringing a black friend/ gay friend/ Goth friend/ blind friend/ dwarf friend and so on? Just "bringing a friend" would be all the information required ta."

I think some of you are being very over the top. The person probably just forgot their name and was describing them but worded it poorly. Probably didn't mean any harm, just opened gob without thinking.
Gosh, I had rather hoped the most significant thing about me was the fact that I'm a gobby little madam. Or my dress sense, not my wheelchair. Now, I suggest that next time you accuse people of being over the top, or professionally offended (that applies to the Stephen Fry quoter who is too hard of thinking to come up with something alone) you think a little, try to imagine how that would feel to me, a seventeen year old, doing A levels, with a life, with a boyfriend, getting ready to go to university and to become a contributing member of society. It is nothing more than good manners Birdo to be treated as an equal, unfortunately people like you do not treat people like me as equals, thereby negating the need for my manners to be perfect, so do go away and get an education, dear.
Yours,
Dawndonna's dd.

'Wouldn't it be the same as announcing someone was bringing a black friend/ gay friend/ Goth friend/ blind friend/ dwarf friend and so on? Just "bringing a friend" would be all the information required ta'

Not really, no, it's worse. Although I agree there's no need to say black friend/gay friend etc and that would raise a few questions about the views of whoever said it. But at least they are factual descriptions and there's nothing offensive about being called black, gay, goth or blind (not sure about the dwarf one, to be honest.)

It adds a whole other layer of stupidity to call someone 'wheelchair friend'. Not only is it unneccessary to point out unless requesting something needed for access, it's an offensive way to describe that person. A black person is black. A gay person is gay. A wheelchair user is not a wheelchair.

I think it was probably just thoughtlessness/ignorance, and the OP would be doing the boss a favour if she mentioned this to him.

People can be very unaware. I think I was once responsible for my employers (who had a very multicultural client base) running some diversity/racism training. I was showing my colleagues a photo of another department's team that was based elsewhere. Someone asked which was was X, as they'd only spoken to him on the phone. I said 'he's the black guy in the back row'. Cue lots of tutting, embarrassed looks and someone correcting me to 'you mean the coloured gentleman in the back row'. 'No,' I replied very cheerfully, 'I mean the black guy'. Our boss - a black man - was passing and laughed but a couple of weeks later we were all in the training session where black= ok, coloured = not ok, and how not to be patronising were all covered.

YANBU. Stuff like this makes me and I don't know anyone with mobility issues or a wheelchair. It is just so obviously dude and my heart bleeds for people who have to be subjected to being described in this way.

Birdo, can you answer imissredwine's post, directly above yours?

"Wouldn't it be the same as announcing someone was bringing a black friend/ gay friend/ Goth friend/ blind friend/ dwarf friend and so on? Just "bringing a friend" would be all the information required ta."

Nothing wrong with any of those descriptions if you'd forgotten the persons name. People are too sensitive about language these days, especially the middle classes.

Bird, being thoughtless and ignorant has nothing to do with class.

I think I'd actually find the so that'll be interesting even more offensive that the wheelchair friend comment. Like someone using a wheelchair is some kind of bizarre and weird thing to be dealt with.

Perfectly reasonable to bring it up as a practicality thing "do we have any access issues we need to be aware of?" - I once worked in a converted Georgian building and I was always conscious that wheelchair access would have been a nightmare if it was required.

I'm totally baffled by the idea that anyone who is ever offended by anything can just fuck off though But I tend not to be friends with people who are rude enough to not care about offending others so don't come across it much.

You haven't explained why "friend" wouldn't do, Birdo.

my (working class) family would be mortified at offending decent people because they used offensive language.

My (upper mimddle class) family wouldn't give a shit, they would just appear to give a shit and do it in a posher accent.

I don;t think its anything to do with their class rather their personalities. Some people are just nicer than other and don;t see the point in needlessly offending others.

People are too sensitive about language these days, especially the middle classes.
Oh fuck off. You've been told off by a 17 year old and you still remain entrenched.

It's a fucking hideous way to describe someone and very offensive!

"X's friend is coming. She uses a wheelchair so we probably shouldn't go to the place with 600 stairs and no lift." is one of the only reasons why you'd even need to refer to the fact that the person is a wheelchair user.

Well, we can hope that the person is just tactless and ignorant; and also that she has had such a sheltered life that a person who uses a wheelchair is still a novelty, so it just slipped out.

We can hope that. I think it's more likely that she is self-centred and self-satisfied to the point that she thinks it's awfully amusing and exciting if someone is a slight variation on white, straight, ablebodied, English, etc.

What would I do....hmmm. I might approach the person and ask them to sort out the access arrangements "as you're obviously familar with disability issues". Let her find out for herself that there is shit you have to do to make this work for someone. And hopefully, she will actually be nice to the individual when s/he turns up on the day.

But if she is a plonker I would keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn't screw it up.

Nah, Birdo's just on a wind-up. She dodged the Q, then chucked in "middle-class" as a bit of diversionary MN bait.

I wonder if the 'wheelchair friend' tells people she is bringing her 'twat friend' when she visits people...

Totally vile thing to say.

You are middle class though aren't you MrsDV? At heart...

its a bit like the bloke with the disabled wife...

I think it just sounds like the person who said it is a bit insensitive and probably would struggle to understand why anyone would take offence.