'X is bringing her wheelchair friend.'

[Grockle]

AIBU to find this offensive?

I'm an occasional wheelchair user and can't decide if I am perfectly justified in thinking that was a really crappy way of saying that someone was visiting us and bringing her friend who happens to be in a wheelchair.

X is not friends with a wheelchair but the person in it.

I sat quietly & didn't say anything but had to bite my tongue. I wish I'd said something though.

OP, is your boss David Brent ?

unless her friend is actually the wheelchair then it is incredibly rude and possibly a breach of the equalities act!

Yes, said in work context. I might bring it up tomorrow, actually. I'm known for being a trouble-maker because I ask questions & don't leave things if I feel they are wrong.

She is a lot like David Brent, actually. Frequently upsetting people through thoughtless, inconsiderate and hurtful comments. I think she's oblivious though, she doesn't seem to intend to offend but constantly says things that upset people.

She could just have said 'X is visiting & bringing her friend with her.' And, if she felt it was relevant, she could have added 'Y uses a wheelchair' but I don't see how it's relevant.

Genuine question to OP - I noticed that you refer to someone who "happens to be in a wheelchair." I thought it was more correct to refer to someone using a wheelchair ie to emphasise the person, rather than define them by their disability. Have I got that wrong?

Actually, also I hate it when people say "she's in a wheelchair". surely uses would be better?

X post justmyview

YANBU. That is incredibly crass.

That is very bad.

Not good but a million times better than "wheelchair bound"

Shocking offensive. Yanbu

YADNU

However, I have found myself saying a few times "There's a wheelchair getting on" when on public transport and trying to get people to move/fold buggies. It's because you would say "there's a pushchair getting on" and in that context i find them interchangeable - you don't ever mention the child/person because they are not important IYSWIM.

But I still think i'm probably BU in that scenario, and certainly in the context you described it is amazingly unacceptable.

I'd find "there's a wheelchair getting on" fine. Because it's the wheelchair that's of specific interest in terms of ramps and space.

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

Yes- the bulky wheel/pushchairs are the things to think about, rather than the people in them. Glad you understood me Parsing, because I read back what I'd written and realised I had just implied that children and disabled people are not important.

It has reason to be respected if you are not a selfish tosser with no respect for the feelings of others.

Yanbu at all and I'm glad your not afraid to speak up and feel you should tomorrow.

The only time someone using a wheelchair is relevant to a conversation about them attending somewhere is when there needs to be consideration of accessibility. And even then it should be positive in how he/she can be included/ given access.

Mumoftwo your terminology is absolutely fine (for me, at least).

copafeel

That bloody Stephen Fry quote about 'being offended' is peddled out every time someone wants to defend language that is hurtful or ignorant. Language matters, the way people talk about disabilities, race, gender or sexual orientation matters. It matters because the words we use reflect the way we, as individuals and society, view these things.

It is not about political correctness or being over sensitive or professionally offended or any of those crass ways of undermining someone's feelings - it is about people being aware that behind the disability, race, gender or sexual orientation - there is a person, and that person deserves respect.

YANBU. That's shitty.

sounds like something David Brent would say. Not horrificly offensive but certainly a bit stupid.

The same quotation was on the other thread MrsDeVere (about the weather of all things). CorusKate pointed out that Fry was talking about religion, I believe.

OP: it was a horrible phrase to use and I would have though indicated a particular kind of mindset (closed and insensitive) when it comes to disability, especially with the follow up you mention.

Language matters, words matter. It is not simply a question of offended or not offended but of respect and consideration.

Fucking outrageous. You are more restrained than me Op.