To think most people do not understand true 'love'

[runnermum1974]

People go on about love and think they know what they are talking about. Love is an overused word, in my opinion, most people do not have a clue what true love is.

It is only when love is tested with hardship that you know what true love is. It is not easy at all - true love is selfless, kind and patient.

You often see situations, like in Wolf of Wall Street, where a couple marries and seems very happy and in love. Then when the guy loses money/status his wife dumps him. In my opinion, that woman could not have truly loved him if she can't stand by him during the bad times. I know standing by someone in hard times is difficult, by defintion, - but that is the test of love.

'For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health' - vows say that for a reason - it is easy to love in wealth and health as there is something to gain - but the test comes when those things falter, as health inevitably does.

Any definitions of love?

AIBU?

Well said Jazzy.

I love you hunny" to a friend isn't the same thing as love! It's short hand for I like you and you make me laugh etc. Not I'd walk through fire for you.

^ This - though I'm not the type of person to go round telling my friends this - I don't think I've ever done this drunk either but this is fairly obvious surely ?

I felt the whole jolt of emotion/epiphany - presumably where cupids arrow idea comes from - for my now DH few weeks after dating walking up a none descriptive road on a random afternoon. Not sure he every felt that - well not till right after our first DC was born. Prior to this I though I thought whole idea was fiction.

However it's not what has kept our relationship going 20 + years - through being parted in distance with work or dealing with illness and money issue. That been fueled by the little giving a shit things most day - making me a coffee - looking after me when sick or down working as a team to raise DC and reach goals.

the passage on love in Corinthians is an image of what love should be, though often read at weddings it is not about romantic love but "agape" the spiritual love that God has ( divine love) as previous poster put it, it is a model of what our love should be, it does not however say love no matter what in regard to natural love in families/marriage in older versions it is translated as charity rather than love

this is where you have to understand context, we use love for DH, DC, Chocolate, icecream sunny days, log fires etc etc

when it says love bears all things, it does not mean be a doormat for every possible kind of abuse, but rather don't lose the plot with someone you love over minor irritations that will seem like nothing in a few weeks

the bible also says love your neighbour as yourself not love your neighbour better than yourself

I think the deep love in a long term committed relationship needs lots more than romantic physical attraction, it needs loyalty compassion mutual goals and support generally 50/50 but a realisation that some times will require 95/5, I do not think it is just hardship/ problems that tests relationships sometimes an expected bonus/ inheritance on one side can also be testing sometimes love needs to be sacrificial but not always and not continually sacrificial for just one of the parties involved

real love is not about point scoring, I do/earn/help more than him/her, or humiliation and blaming

disney fiction and silly comments like "I love you but am not in love" have lots to answer for and also some say love when they mean lust

"I think love is when you put someone else's happiness above your own".

I don't agree. The notion of self sacrifice seems noble, especially compared to selfishness but there are in fact as dysfunctional a concept as each other. Both are based on a view that love is a finate resource, the selfish person thinks there is not enough love to go round and they have learned that they and only they are responsible for meeting their own needs and so takes but does not reciprocate. The self sacrificer also thinks that love is a finite resource but has been taught that they are responsible for others and can only experience happiness vicariously through others but of course they inevitably become unhappy and resentful, thus rendering them unable to continue selflessly giving.

Both are a recipe for misery. Love, in all it's forms is abundant, there is no reason for it not to be totally reciprocal in any relationship, in fact, for a relationship to work both parties must know that they are entitled to equal lov/happiness and settle for nothing less.

I lived with dh on a single camp bed for a while, then we lived in a place with a small tv, somebodys tv stand, and 2 directors chairs and a futon for 18 months! We had nothing else in the place. Definitely not bothered about money here! We were a teen marriage though so money doesnt come in to it, it was all true luuurrve (and he was fit)

I think true love within a good relationship is when you realise that your own happiness is essential to the wellbeing of your partner, just as his is to yours.

It makes you prioritise both of you together, because you know neither can be happy if the other is unhappy

It makes you generous enough to want him to have the happiness of making you happy as well as wanting to enjoy the happiness of making him happy.

It has the generosity to recognise that your partner is as good a person as you are and has the same need to feel good about himself.

Martyrdom within a relationship can be a very selfish thing, wanting to outdo your partner and feeling more noble than him.

I think the same goes for parental love: parents who are always sacrificing themselves are in many ways less unselfish than parents who are happy to sit back once in a while and let their children feel they can contribute to somebody's happiness too.

I think you are imposing your definition of love on other peoples situations.

Then judging them for not understanding!

when in fact it is you who has misunderstood that your definition may not be the same as others.

By the way I am not saying your definition is wrong in anyway it just may be different from someone else's that's all

"most people do not have a clue what true love is.It is only when love is tested with hardship that you know what true love is. It is not easy at all - true love is selfless, kind and patient"

thank you. if you hadn't have said that, i shouldn't have known.

Love is many different things, and it's crap that in English we only have one word for it. Some other languages have more ways which are probably more accurate.

I disagree that it's overused, I don't think it's used enough. I genuinely feel like I love many things, but all in vary different ways.

Romantic love is complicated, and again it feels different at different stages of life.

I like cory's post.