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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel very little sympathy

43 replies

Addictedtoamazon · 08/03/2014 17:12

....for H. Separated 3 weeks ago, mainly due to his binge drinking, selfishness and unwillingness to put me and our 2 DDs first. I gave him an ultimatum of us or the drink and he chose the drink. DDs are 4 years old and 10 weeks old. It has been extremely difficult managing a newborn and a preschooler on my own plus dealing with running the house, making meals etc (and all on very little sleep) but I have coped.

H announced yesterday that he has found it extremely difficult coping with both children on his weekly contact(4 hours) and that he would now like to take each DD separately. He proposed taking one on the Saturday and one on the Sunday or one in the morning and one in the afternoon. So after spending all week getting up at his leisure, having full nights sleep and coming and going as he pleases, the poor lamb is struggling to deal with both children for a grand total of 4 hours a week. AIBU not to be full of sympathy for his plight? Not quite sure what would happen if I decided I couldn't cope with them both Angry

OP posts:
ClementineKelandra · 08/03/2014 17:15

Yanbu. Tell him to get a grip!

Sirzy · 08/03/2014 17:15

YANBU. If things happen that way you get no time 'off' at all. Not sure what the solution is though but I wouldn't be going for that!

shakinstevenslovechild · 08/03/2014 17:20

I have known a few men do this, it's nearly always to keep a bit of control over their ex partners so they can't start building a life while he 'babysits'.

MooMaid · 08/03/2014 17:20

FFS he'll just have to cope with it - its his parental responsibility. You need time off too. Tell him no

Jess03 · 08/03/2014 17:24

Yep just say no he's doing hardly anything and thistles you even worse off. Tell him to see a lawyer and get laughed out of there if he wants to vary the contact like that.

Lucylouby · 08/03/2014 17:25

Of course he has to have them both together. How does he think you are coping? I'm guessing in those four hours he isn't having to keep on top of the washing, prepare a proper dinner for the children or do anything else to keep the house running. There is no sympathy coming from me either I'm afraid! The reason he can't manage is because he hasn't had to do it enough, he just needs to practise and it will get easier.

HemlockYewglimmer · 08/03/2014 17:26

YANBU. I guess it helps to reinforce your decision to separate though, he's not exactly endearing himself to you is he?

Addictedtoamazon · 08/03/2014 17:27

shakinstevenslovechild that is really interesting. I hadn't thought of it in those terms but it would fit. I think he is still hoping I will back down, beg him to come back and tell him I will accept his drinking and him generally being a selfish arse.

My problem if I force the issue is whether the girls will suffer. I don't want him being short-tempered with them if he genuinely is struggling to cope. Plus I can't force him to see them. Him taking one at a time gives me more of a break than him not having them at all.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 08/03/2014 17:27

Just say no! He should start taking responsibility

bigboobsbertha · 08/03/2014 17:27

This reply has been deleted

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drnoitall · 08/03/2014 17:30

Don't agree to this ffs.
He will have get used to it, like you and your dc are getting used to life without him during the week.
Actually I've never heard of this before, he can't be serious.

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2014 17:30

I think you need to do/agree to whatever is best for your children.

Trooperslane · 08/03/2014 17:31

Not helpful, Big boobs Hmm.

JuliaScurr · 08/03/2014 17:33

Brew for you

gertiegusset · 08/03/2014 17:37
wonderingsoul · 08/03/2014 17:42

bigboobs you are a DICK!

i hope you have enough polish to spit shine your halo...

just wow!

i was there where you where 4 years ago..but in a different country.. made things easier flying home just me n baby n 3 year old.
ex was a heavy drinker,, plenty of altomantoms.
he is being a bigger dick then boobs. personally if he asks again i would just laugh in his face.

your children wont suffer at all. 4 hours. is nothing.
my bet is he ants to keep some controll.

Ledare · 08/03/2014 17:54

ODFOD Bertha.

YANBU but it's difficult. My XH fucked off and I was bloody grateful because he really was unable to care for DD.

Coldlightofday · 08/03/2014 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dawndonnaagain · 08/03/2014 18:11

Sounds like you and he would be a good fit, Bertha. Hmm

MojitoMadness · 08/03/2014 18:18

Oi BigBoobs stop being a twat!

natwebb79 · 08/03/2014 18:20

Ignore bigboobs. She's being a delightful ray of sunshine on more than one thread...

gamerchick · 08/03/2014 18:24

Tell him.. you either take both or neither. His answer will tell you if it's a control thing or not because usually then they say ' ill see them at your house'

NMFP · 08/03/2014 18:41

I'd suggest he has them both, but if he wants 'quality time' he can have them on their own as an extra.

StillSeekingSpike · 08/03/2014 18:45

Er- if he's binge drinking is he really in a fit state to look after a 4 year old at all- let alone such a tiny baby?

mineofuselessinformation · 08/03/2014 18:53

Ask him how he thinks you've managed while he's been pissed all of this time. And then tell him no.

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