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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have I spoiled my sister's wedding?

77 replies

LittleRedDinosaur · 08/03/2014 06:48

I've just (2 mins ago) done a PT which is positive (yay!) but then immediately had a tummy lurching moment when I realised I'm now due on my little sisters wedding day.
I feel awful- we are very close and she'd be very upset if I'm not there........

Should we have had a TTC break last month to avoid this? (Do people do that?) I'm a bit of an old crone and my periods only came back when DD was just over a year old and have been a bit erratic so I thought we'd be trying for longer.

I don't think I was unreasonable... But I'm not sure my mum will see it that was and I'm bracing myself for mum being a bit cross for stealing thunder and my sister being really worried I'm not going to be there. Would you be upset if you were my sister?

DD1 was very late and induced at 42 weeks so maybe it'll be ok and I'll just waddle my enormous self up the aisle and have the baby afterwards....

Opinions welcome! Thanks

OP posts:

13loki · 08/03/2014 11:08

No, read what I actually typed, not your skewed interpretation. She got pregnant. Her due date was my wedding day. I have not mentioned her motivation behind getting pregnant. Nor do I think it is any of my business. Once I got over a second of selfish bridezilla-ness I was thrilled for her. I was sad when she said she didn't want to be my bridesmaid, but understood why. We wotked around it and made plans for her to be part of the wedding, but someone else could do it if she couldn't come.

Comeatmefam · 08/03/2014 11:14

I can't believe any adult would actually be pissed off about this!

Seriously, does anyone think that way? How totally cringey/childish/princessy!!!!

OP when you say 'old crone', I'm assuming you are in your late 30s or near enough? If I was your sister, given this and your not having a period for a year, I would be mortified to think you'd even consider putting off TTC for my wedding.

Hope it all works out and congrats!

Comeatmefam · 08/03/2014 11:15

(I'm not saying late 30s is old! I had both kids in my late 30s, I just mean obviously you need to get a move on if TTC past 35...)

pussycatdoll · 08/03/2014 11:20

Ach who gets married in December anyway

MyNameIsKenAdams · 08/03/2014 11:24

A friend of mine is due five days after her brothers wedding - at a city five hours drive away. She is very matter of fact: she will go if sje can. Take the car seat and the maternity notes and keep her legs crossed.

QwertyBird · 08/03/2014 11:25

13loki, take no notice. It is interpretation.

FabBakerGirl · 08/03/2014 11:25

I am not skewed, 13loki. I just took something else from your post.

Sallyingforth · 08/03/2014 11:31

OP you said your sister is very close to you. In that case I'm sure she will be very pleased for you and not a bit annoyed.
Wouldn't you be if the positions were reversed?

Magix · 08/03/2014 11:32

Congratulations !!!

There's a few reasons id be a bit put out if my sister had to miss my wedding . Being pregnant / a new mum is NOT one of them !! I'm sure your sister will be delighted for you !

Ludways · 08/03/2014 11:34

Just tell them you're thrilled about the pregnancy but you're so upset that you might miss your sisters wedding, maybe have a tear in your eye as you say it.

That'll take the wind out if their sails and they'll all end up brainstorming ideas in case you do.

Sorted, lol

Willabywallaby · 08/03/2014 11:34

I took my 3 day old DS to my brothers wedding. Lucky he had arrived before (was 6 days late) because he arrived 3 hrs after the first twinge, don't think my brother would've been too impressed if I'd given birthat his wedding. It will all be fine.

specialsubject · 08/03/2014 12:04

two happy events in one family. Where is the problem?

as someone else said, what adult could possibly have any issue with this?

firstbaby01 · 08/03/2014 12:16

I'm due 9 days before DP's mums wedding. I know how important it is for him to be there and how important it is for him to also be at the birth so we are going to travel there (also 5 hours away!) either with a newborn or 9 days overdue! We are not too fussed if it means having the baby there as I have family that way anyway.

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/03/2014 12:19

I'd have been disappointed if my brother had not been able to come to mu wedding but we are close so its only natural.

At the end of the day, a wedding really is only important to the bride and groom likewise the baby to its parents.

NewtRipley · 08/03/2014 12:55

God, do people get arsey about this sort of thing? How depressing

Congratualtions OP

HelloBoys · 08/03/2014 13:15

I don't get all this 'stealing thunder' rubbish (which is a phrase my own SIL uses).

Of course one wouldn't generally steal thunder in another way but getting pregnant and due dates - don't worry at all and have a great time!

I agree with what YeahBitchMagnets says though maybe speak to sister, DM etc and agree no fights over who comes first etc...

Congratulations!

indigo18 · 08/03/2014 13:17

I do hope it's only on mumsnet that people are so arsey about weddings. 'The wedding is just about the bride and groom'... I do hope that guests at my wedding were happy and hade a great day, it's certainly how I remember it. On here, a wedding invite seems to be met with horror and expectation of bad behaviour on the part of the bride. For most people, a newborn is pretty boring and of very little interest, except to the parents, particularly if not a first baby.
As for the idea of moving the wedding by months - whyever should they? It might then coincide with another birth!

HelloBoys · 08/03/2014 13:21

Fabbaker - I took the same meaning from 13loki's post as you did to be honest and you didn't take it as skewed. I think 13loki is trying to justify her being a bit ahem precious.

If everyone worried about this stealing thunder rubbish then no-one would propose, live their lives etc as they're supposed to do.

The amount of rubbish my normally sane but a bit controlling SIL has had to aim at other family members due to stealing thunder. Luckily she knows after a run in with me last summer (we normally get on very well) that I won't stand for any rubbish re stealing thunder comments from her if I were ever to do something which coincided with her doing something.

bruffin · 08/03/2014 13:35

13loki
I do the same, i know dn was 4 weeks at my wedding so she must be 23 this year.
I dont understand why you are getting a hard time at all.

pinkr · 08/03/2014 13:52

we were trying for quite a while before we got pregnant and I did toy with stopping in the nine month period before my sister's wedding... I'm so glad we didn't as that was the cycle we finally got lucky! dd was guest of honour at her aunties wedding at just over three weeks old as induced early and I was bridesmaid albeit in a minor duties sort of waysister was thrilled for me as she knew we were having a hard time getting pregnant.

rallytog1 · 08/03/2014 14:31

My friend had an older sister who was due on friend's wedding day. 14 days later when they got back from honeymoon, sister was still pregnant!

movingmovingmoving · 08/03/2014 18:16

Weird, this must be common! I just found out dc2 is due on the date DSIS has in mind for her wedding, she only just got engaged so nothing is booked. I didn't know whether to tell her or not (obviously wouldn't have said anything for a few weeks under normal circumstances), but as she had asked me for opinions on possible venues and dates I mentioned it!

i made it v clear that I don't mind waddling there or having a newborn at her wedding and didn't expect her to change dates, given that it is such early days and even all going well dc2 is v unlikely to arrive on the due date. I'm not sure whether IWBU but it is done now! I think if I waited and told them after they had paid a big deposit she might have wondered why I hadn't sad anything earlier?

movingmovingmoving · 08/03/2014 18:17

Said anything not sad!

KeatsiePie · 08/03/2014 19:00

Re: 13loki's posts: oh come on. She had one second of wishing for different timing, got right over it, and was happy for her sister. Ridiculous for people to be finding preciousness in that.

LittleRed congratulations! If I were your sister I'd be thrilled.

missingwelliesinsd · 08/03/2014 19:14

Congratulations! Please don't worry about spoiling your sister's wedding!

My SIL found out she was pregnant with her due date the same week as my wedding. My DH wouldn't think of getting married without his Sis & DH & DCs there (he & I feel that the purpose of wedding ceremonies & receptions are for families to share in, otherwise there's no point). We ended up eloping, and it was awesome! I'm a little different in that I personally was dreading the big ceremony & reception hoopla so I was delighted to skip it.

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