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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have I spoiled my sister's wedding?

77 replies

LittleRedDinosaur · 08/03/2014 06:48

I've just (2 mins ago) done a PT which is positive (yay!) but then immediately had a tummy lurching moment when I realised I'm now due on my little sisters wedding day.
I feel awful- we are very close and she'd be very upset if I'm not there........

Should we have had a TTC break last month to avoid this? (Do people do that?) I'm a bit of an old crone and my periods only came back when DD was just over a year old and have been a bit erratic so I thought we'd be trying for longer.

I don't think I was unreasonable... But I'm not sure my mum will see it that was and I'm bracing myself for mum being a bit cross for stealing thunder and my sister being really worried I'm not going to be there. Would you be upset if you were my sister?

DD1 was very late and induced at 42 weeks so maybe it'll be ok and I'll just waddle my enormous self up the aisle and have the baby afterwards....

Opinions welcome! Thanks

OP posts:

hamptoncourt · 08/03/2014 07:30

I have two sisters and I would be so delighted that they were pregnant especially if they were an old crone that the fact it was my wedding would be absolutely secondary. I am 100% sure they would feel the same. My mother however would jump on such a situation and manipulate it to cause as much totally unnecessary triangulation and drama as possible.

OP you actually seem more worried about your mothers reaction than your sisters. Does your DM have form for tedious drama?

Either way please don't let it spoil your happiness at your lovely news. Best of luck.

ChasedByBees · 08/03/2014 07:37

Congratulations!

I don't think anyone should stop TTC in these circumstances, what if you hadn't got pregnant for some time? You would always have wondered, "was that my chance?"

I'm sure your sister will be delighted for you.

Louisajane27 · 08/03/2014 07:51

Congratulations, I wouldn't worry to be honest. My brother is getting married next weekend and I won't be attending as I am having a c section ( ds2 being delivered early due to health problems) two days before. I am obviously upset that I won't see him get married but these things can't be helped. My whole family have been very understanding about everything and I'm sure yours will too.

kally195 · 08/03/2014 07:58

Congratulations! Please don't worry - I'm sure your family will be thrilled rather than angry.

My aunt gave birth in the early hours of the morning of her younger brother's wedding - and was at the wedding with the baby in the afternoon. The bride and groom found that having the newest member of the family there made it extra special and didn't distract at all from their day.

Here's to a healthy pregnancy!

OhMerGerd · 08/03/2014 08:00

As it's not your first tbh it's going to be a bit business as usual for everyone else ... So don't worry about that. Do however start thinking about what you're going to wear. Easy to bf and won't look all crumple and stained given you'll have a little one ( and a toddler) to manage if he/she has arrived. Something that doesn't make you look like an extension to the marquee if he/she is still in situ.

Just look forward to a really happy but busy few days of family celebration. And remember you've done this before so take a been there done it got the tee shirt approach but your DSis is (hopefully) only going to get wed once. Make her wedding the focus and you'll be all have a great time.

WelshMaenad · 08/03/2014 08:05

I'm quite sure that any sane and normal sister wouldn't consider what is essentially a large party more important than the potential nonexistence of this little person who will be joining your family.

It's super unlikely that you'll have to miss it if you're being that flexible about travelling near your due date - you sound like a lovely sister btw. You may be heavily pregnant, or you may have a tiny baby with you - either way weddings are a wider celebration of live and family and commitment, and babies exemplify that wonderfully.

Congratulations on your lovely news!

TerribleHumanBeing · 08/03/2014 08:06

Me and my sister both waddled down the aisle as several months pregnant bridesmaids for our little sister....

FabBakerGirl · 08/03/2014 08:11

13loki - your sister didn't do anything to you. Why do you feel she did?

WottaTheOdds · 08/03/2014 09:02

13loki - your sister didn't do anything to you. Why do you feel she did?

Goodness, talk about looking for bovva. It's clearly just a turn of phrase and loki's story is a very positive one and likely to encourage OP

WottaTheOdds · 08/03/2014 09:03

Oh and congrats Dinosaur to you and all your family!

MaryWestmacott · 08/03/2014 09:11

Congratulations!

I'd call your sister before your mum, talk to her about it and say that you are worried this means you won't be able to be at the wedding and you hope she's not upset and of course while you were planning another DC at some point, you weren't planning a baby for 2014 - she doesn't need to know you were actually TTC, let her think it's a happy accident. Tell her that you will of course pull out of any official role and won't be offended if you are put on a table near the back so it's not as obvious if you don't make it on the day etc.

Then when you speak to your mum, you can head off any stroppiness by saying "well I've already spoken to DSis and she's fine about it, it's only you that's making a fuss."

Chances are, if you tell your DSis this early, she's not going to have sent out invites or anything yet, she and her DP might decide to move the date of the wedding, it's still an option for them now, or they can keep it where it is but accept you might not be there.

bruffin · 08/03/2014 09:18

My little sistetvwasvdue around my wedfing day. DN came along 3 weeks early and was 4 weeks old at my wedding.Dsis wsd supposrd to be a bridesmaid but these things happen. Its not a problem

indigo18 · 08/03/2014 09:20

I don't think you having your second will 'steal her thunder'. It's her wedding that's being celebrated and even if you happen to give birth on the day you can hold back your announcement, can't you?

indigo18 · 08/03/2014 09:23

Mary, I don't think moving the date is a good idea. Baby could be early or late, who knows? They would need to move it a fair few weeks to avoid all potential problems.

troubleinstore · 08/03/2014 09:26

congratulations !... and as for the baby .. it may arrive early, it may arrive late - who knows! Just wait and see .. no point in worrying about anything ... you've done the deed you are happy and there is no going back now!
Enjoy your pregnancy and your sister should be happy for you whatever x x x

AreYouBlueOrAreYouBlind · 08/03/2014 09:34

I agree with pp, speak to your sister first, then if your mum attempts even a hint of drama you can head her off with a cool "well dsis and I have spoken about it and all is fine".

Congratulations to you and your sister. :)

SamBob · 08/03/2014 09:39

When my brother told me him and his wife were expecting a baby on my wedding day I'll admit I was very disappointed. I wasn't annoyed at them but the thought of my brother missing my wedding was very upsetting. We live in different countries and she wouldn't have been able to fly. Despite my brother assuring me he would do a day trip to be there I knew it was highly unlikely he would leave his heavily pregnant wife, and it would be unreasonable of me to expect him to. As it happened happened my lovely nephew obliged by arriving early and they were all able to travel.

So anyway my point after all that is that there is a possibility your sister will be very disappointed at the thought you may not be there, but I'm sure that will fade quickly with the excitement a new niece or nephew.

MaryWestmacott · 08/03/2014 09:41

indigo - I wasn't meaning moving by a few weeks, but a long time - my weddding was in November, but if at the stage before sending out any invites I found out that they'd be a baby due in the family around then, I'd have moved it to January or earlier to September time.

Foodylicious · 08/03/2014 09:44

Congratulations!
I am due the weekend of my brothers wedding so I not planning on going. Its a bit of a shame that we will miss it, but there is no way I can plan on traveling around that time or want to feel any pressure about it.

I have no idea how I will feel emotionally or physically at this time, I may have a baby a few days or weeks old or still be pregnant.
The wedding is about 4-5 hrs away from where we live so just decided it is not worth the risk or the stress.
If i were to go into labour while we were away, I am pretty sure I would end up in a hospital and have baby hopefully without problems. I am more concerned how we get back to our home town etc, can't imagine I will be up for a 5hr drive whilst feeding!!
Unfortunately not everyone will think like this and some of my family will think I am being precious.
My brothers latest comment was "you never know it may come a week early" because I am sure traveling and going to his wedding is what I will want to do 1 week after the birth!!
I am going to have a strait forward conversation with my brother when I next see him. I am not interested in other peoples suggestions as to what we 'could do' or what 'might happen', its got nothing to do with anyone else.

Good luck!

FabBakerGirl · 08/03/2014 09:46

I wouldn't be apologising or making out it was an happy accident. That immediately makes it look like the OP has done something wrong when she hasn't.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/03/2014 09:46

Congratulations on your positive result. Talk to your DSis, emphasise you will make every effort to be there for her. If this were your pfb on the way I suppose it might have taken the shine off the run up to the wedding in some way but I think any guilt over not taking a TTC break or having a calendar with her wedding date highlighted on it next to the place of conception is misplaced.

Btw I am sure you are not an old crone and if your DM gives you grief I'd be quite shocked, a new grandchild is someone to rejoice over not see them as a nuisance distraction to your sister's big day.

londonrach · 08/03/2014 09:50

Congratulations. My sister was due 2 days before my wedding. I think she was more upset and cross about it than me. She was ordering hot curries, walking etc for england the week before. Her dd was born 4 days before and my brave amazing sister made it to wedding but not the reception. I have photo proof!!! at the time though mum had breast cancer so wasnt sure who could make it but the fact they both did made the wedding extra special. Enjoy your news and weekend. The only thing i would say is to tell your sister early so she can prepare for another bridesmaid etc x

pmgkt · 08/03/2014 09:55

I had been trying for 9 months and although I considered not trying in the month that made me due around their wedding, I soon thought better of it. Typically we got pregnant that month. It was my dh's twin brothers wedding, and he had already been asked to be best man and I was due 3 days after the wedding. I was still going to be there as was hubby as long as I wasn't in labour. As it turned out due to complications I was hospitalised so dh had to come back early from the stag do, but I ended up having a section so all attended when ds2 was 10 days old. My advise is plan to be there, I had told them what my plans were in every scenario and unless in labour hubby was always going to be there. I even research and informed the local hospital as it was a few hours away and we were staying over for 2 nights all very simple in the end

13loki · 08/03/2014 10:46

FabBakerGirl here, have a I just couldn't be arsed typing out "My sister also got pregnant and was due on my wedding day" while I was on my phone, feeding the baby. And actually, she did it (got pregnant at such a time that she was due on her siblings wedding day) to me (the sibling getting married)

FabBakerGirl · 08/03/2014 10:49

Are you saying she did it on purpose to steal your thunder, 13loki?

I just think not everything is all about you.

No thanks for the . I'm not eating today.

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