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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel really grumpy about no effort being made?

45 replies

likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 16:44

Let me start by saying I know Iabu.
I moved hundreds of miles away a few years ago for work. I have been very lucky to make a wonderful group of friends and have an active social life.

A new family joined school, the mum seemed nice. I invited her to a couple of events with my friends and coffee at mine. She cane for coffee, was nice. Declined event a because she was busy, fair enough. Declined event b with no explanation, just looked on her phone when mentioned. Fair enough i thought, she doesn't want to be friends. She didn't reciprocate any invite not even coffee.

A friend of mine has asked me to ask her to a night out that i have organised. She said that this lady feels like she wants to get involved and is unsettled. This is not the first friend to mention this. Normally, i would go out of my way to include someone new and anyone would be welcome. However, i have said I wont be inviting her as I have made lots of effort abs it feels very one sided. I wouldn't be overly bothered if someone else invited her.

So, an I being pathetic to feel snubbed and rather she didn't join our group?

Oh and so not to drip feed, she is embarrassingly all over another friend of mine.Hmm

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/03/2014 16:47

Is her name Wendy?

Beware, OP!

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 16:49

Jeez i hadn't thought of that.Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 16:59

Anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:11

Bump

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 07/03/2014 17:12

Hmm, can see both sides here. To be fair you don't know why she declined the previous 2 invites, and she may well have reasons that she didn't feel comfortable saying. I'd casually mention it to her if you happen to see her about the night out and leave the ball in her court, so as to speak. If she doesn't show an interest in attending, I'd probably not worry too much about inviting her to anything else. x

WipsGlitter · 07/03/2014 17:12

One last chance?

resipsa · 07/03/2014 17:15

She is entitled to choose who she wants to see/not see but I can understand that you feel 'snubbed'. I'd say YABU and let it be what it will be. She might be a strange one but there might also just be a good reason why to date she hasn't 'joined' in the way you'd like.

Whatever happens, I bet it won't bug you in a few months' time.

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:17

Do you think i should hive her one last chance? My reservations are, i feel three times is enough. Also, i would be opening the door for her to join my lovely group, even though she has shown no interest in being my friend. Last thing, she is embarrassingly all over a good friend of mine, she makes a bee line for her, blanks anyone else totally out of the conversation, stabds really close to her and laughs loudly. Hmm

OP posts:
pussycatdoll · 07/03/2014 17:17

Why can't the other friend invite her?
All seems a bit daft

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:18

Thats very true resp,in time it will stopping bugging me.

OP posts:
pussycatdoll · 07/03/2014 17:18

Oh yes just read your last post
She does sound annoying I don't think I'd bother

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:19

Resipsa

OP posts:
Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:22

pussycatdoll i dont want to out myself, but friend asked me as its my nite, once a year thing.Grin

OP posts:
harriet247 · 07/03/2014 17:22

You got yourself a wendy.

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:24

Oh please don't say that Harriet. I'm so happy with my pals Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:24

Do you really think so?

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 07/03/2014 17:25

You sound very childish OP, sorry. You'd 'rather she didn't join your group'??!

Yes your friend is childish too - she should have just invited her. But be the adult here. Drop this woman a quick text - we are meeting at such and such a time, would you like to join us. Then you've done your bit and the ball's in her court.

God, no wonder so many girls have friendship problems, they just have to look at their mothers.... Hmm

CarolineKnappShappey · 07/03/2014 17:25

Back away. It's not your job to sort her out.

She can organise things, or accept invites.
You tried, and for whatever reason she has declined. Her loss. Leave it

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 17:26

Thanks Dancergirl, all comments taken on board.

OP posts:
TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 07/03/2014 17:29

I wouldn't try again especially as I might be "Wendied" on my own Birthday. Heck, no!

Supercosy · 07/03/2014 17:30

No don't ask her. If someone else asks her fair enough. I had a phase of this with a couple of people and once I actually stoppped making the effort I found I didn't actually care that much. It's a pita doing all the running so don't!

onelittlepiglet · 07/03/2014 17:32

Sorry op just had exactly the same scenario with another mum in my small group of friends. Made a massive effort to welcome her, leant her toys for her kids (we are overseas so they were waiting for their things to arrive) but got nothing back - She would invite people round to her house in front of me but never invite me and then started saying that I'd upset her! Guess what? She's a Wendy...

Supercosy · 07/03/2014 17:33

Btw why is op childish? She made a concerted effort to include someone who clearly didn't appreciate it. That is annoying/hurtful at any age.

BackforGood · 07/03/2014 17:45

I agree with DancerGirl - what's with the "join our group" bit ? Confused are you all in gangs or something at your school ?

If it's something that is an open invite for parents at the school then of course the new parents should be invited. If it's something your other friend is arranging, then I don't see why she shouldn't invite her.

I'm not sure why you are concerned about her 'looking at her phone' when you invited her somewhere. My calendar is on my phone, I'd need to check that before committing to being anywhere on any day - why is that seen as being odd?

If someone is new to an area and is invited somewhere for coffee, with an already established group, then I wouldn't really expect the new person to be inviting people back until she's sorted out the dynamics of the situation.
I really don't see what this woman has done to upset you.

Original poster
likebeingatschool · 07/03/2014 18:21

backforgood no, its certainly not an open invite for mums at school, as I said its my once a year special day, not organised by my friend. But she is free to invite her.

I'm reluctant to invite new people into our group scared off by stories of wendies

However, I did include her, she seemed nice and was new so thought i was doing a good thing.

As far as the looking at her phone, we weren't talking dates, it was more lets change the subject.

OP posts: