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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to attend a meal because it will keep DS up past his bedtime?

111 replies

KirjavaTheCat · 07/03/2014 15:42

FIL invited me, DP, 3yo DS and 16 week old DD to dinner tonight, to meet his girlfriend's parents. Apparently, FIL says, his girlfriend (of 8 months) talks about them so much that they feel like they're part of their family, and would very much like to meet their daughter's 'adopted grandchildren' Hmm They've picked out names they'd like our 3yo to call them by, so we're told. I find this very weird.

This meal is taking place at a shopping centre which is an hour and a half's train journey away (we don't drive) at 6pm. We asked to meet closer, given the time and the distance we'd have to travel on public transport with a small EBF baby and a tired, hungry toddler. We'd be back about 9-9.30pm, DS and DD are usually in bed by 7.30. It's just too far to travel so late.

He said no can do, we can't have the meal anywhere else because his girlfriend's parents are very particular about where they eat.

So we declined and aren't going.

FIL is enraged and had been messaging DP all day saying how very disappointed his girlfriend's parents are, they were so looking forward to seeing the children, and that they may as well cancel the whole thing now.

AIBU to not give a crap, really? And to think that it was a ridiculous idea?

OP posts:
PorkPieandPickle · 07/03/2014 17:11

YANBU, they sound very weird! And the travelling with a toddler and EBF baby? Nooooooooo thank you!!!

Hullygully · 07/03/2014 17:14

I think it's marvellous.

Who wouldn't travel an hour and a half by train to eat with strangers in a shopping centre with young children...?

Dubjackeen · 07/03/2014 17:14

Not Westfield Talkin , we're actually in the sticks and this shopping centre is our nearest destination for fine restaurants such as Nando's and Pizza express
What, not even Spud U Like or MacDonalds Wink

TalkinPeace · 07/03/2014 17:15

Kirjava
Hang on, they are YANKS and they are not willing to come to near you
to a "proper old English pub"
or to get "fish and chips" and eat it off the paper around your table "like quaint English people do"
FFS
they are not real Yanks then ( born and bred in NYC Wink )

ShatterResistant · 07/03/2014 17:19

I definitely wouldn't go, even if you did have a car. Youngsters after bedtime are no fun at all, IME. Why don't you invite them to have dinner at your house? Same time slot, but THEY do the travelling. If they refuse, you've done your bit, no-one can take offence (unless, of course, they're trying to...)

shewhowines · 07/03/2014 17:20

Normally an occasional late night wouldn't be the end of the world. I do think they are expecting a lot in this instance though.

I wouldn't want to journey that distance, late at night, on public transport, with kids. Can't they come to you? It would be easier for you to prepare food. There must be something they like, that you could cook.

At the end of the day though, if it means that much to fil, and he hasn't got form for being unreasonable, then it might be worth doing it to keep the peace.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 07/03/2014 17:25

The time would be OK as a one off. The travel is the killer, though - no way would I do that. If they are that keen, they could come closer to you.

Bloodyteenagers · 07/03/2014 17:33

But come on op. What is the restaurant name?
The nickname they want to be called?

Lilly20again · 07/03/2014 17:36

Yaubu, I avoided all meals that were too late or at none meal times.
My mil refused to move her Sunday lunch to a child friendly time. They eat at two and wouldn't move it to 12.30 when LO ate. You can't expect a toddler to wait or sit at a table for an hour after they have already eaten.

The solution was we never went to lunch. which was such a blessing really I wonder if she still thinks she won that particular power struggle Hmm

No is perfectly fine, we don't expect people to bend over backwards for our PFB or anything, but small children are not fun, hungry or tired!

AngelaDaviesHair · 07/03/2014 17:39

Sorry no can do, Taurus isn't in alignment

This has made me laugh.

And YA def def def NBU. Sounds to me as though the four of them are either (i) all desperately showing off to each other about their marvelous grandparenty-ness; or (ii) desperately sick of each other now the end of the visit is approaching and need the distraction.

Onepactupac · 07/03/2014 17:39

Why not suggest lunch?

Bit random, but FIL's GF might end up being in your life forever! We have the same with my BIL's GF and her family, totally overbearing. My DH is of the view that he will only reciprocate if and when BIL and GF get married. I think it's no skin off our nose being nice to people - which is really all that they are being, ultimately. But there are boundaries, too.

MummyBeerest · 07/03/2014 17:59

YANBU.

No effing way in hell. A ebf baby and a toddler on a bus, past bedtime?

Are you packing your cyanide?

I'm imagining these people to be like Ned and Maude Flanders.

Hiddley-ho, British bumbalinos!

Chippednailvarnish · 07/03/2014 18:05

Maybe he's proposed and wants to make a grand statement by treating you all to a slap up wimpy to celebrate.

ChickyEgg · 07/03/2014 18:11

It does sound really odd. Your FIL's girlfriend of less than a year talks about your DC so much that her parents want to meet them and have given themselves names to boot? Never mind the fact that they haven't considered you are travelling on public transport with two over tired children....

Nocomet · 07/03/2014 18:17

Normally I'd say DCs are adaptable and parents shouldn't fuss, but well after bedtime on a train rather than asleep in their car seat sounds a nightmare unless you have very obliging DCs.

I might have got away with it, DD1 was very very good about night time adventures and DD2 would probably have fed the entire journey, but there is no guarantee of pleasant traveling companions on evening trains.

Original poster
KirjavaTheCat · 07/03/2014 18:19

Grin slap up wimpy.

I haven't been in a Wimpy since I was little! Their milkshakes were amazing.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 07/03/2014 18:29

I've just been looking at the Wimpy website. I always wanted a brown Darby and wasn't allowed I was a fat kid

starfishmummy · 07/03/2014 18:58

Fils GF's parents?? If they were his parents in law I might agree to a meet up but not with a round trip of three hours by public transport and two small children!!

HaroldLloyd · 07/03/2014 19:03

I don't think 9.30 is that late as a one off, however I would not be clamouring to travel an hour and a half to eat in a shopping centre and back with a toddler on a train, add in the weirdyness and it's not really an attractive proposition. Why can't they meet you a bit closer?

HaroldLloyd · 07/03/2014 19:04

If it was wimpy I would be in there like swimwear however.

So wrong it's right.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/03/2014 19:28

I agree this sounds nightmarish. However, when did FIL ask you to go and when did you refuse? If you have already accepted and changed your mind or refused last minute I can see why he's pissed off.

PumpkinPie2013 · 07/03/2014 20:59

YANBU

Travelling for that length of time, on public transport with a young baby and an overtired toddler when it's cold and dark? No thanks!

Original poster
KirjavaTheCat · 07/03/2014 21:29

We agreed to meet up a couple of weeks ago when FIL and his girlfriend were visiting the children, heard no more about it until yesterday when he phoned to tell us what time we were to meet them there. Wouldn't budge on time or place, apparently they were busy today visiting DP's brother so couldn't do any earlier.

Might ring BIL's girlfriend to see if they were odd and overfamiliar in person too.

OP posts:
Sharaluck · 07/03/2014 21:47

Yanbu

9.30pm is not especially late (and if you were travelling by car the dc could sleep in the car) but 1.5 hour trip home on the train is too much for a 3 year old late at night. And the 1.5 hour trip there would also be difficult with 2 young dc!

deakymom · 07/03/2014 22:43

tired children on public transport is not a good mix i remember my overtired son screeching all the way home a 45 min bus ride and an hours walk away then he carried on in the house he was overtired to the max

YANBU

i would never wish that experience on anyone