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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my 42 year old bf shouldn't be texting his 17 year old female employee

28 replies

pinkhorse · 07/03/2014 13:12

My bf is manager of a company. A few months ago i discovered he was texting a 17 year old girl who works for him around 300 times a month. I went mad even though he swore nothing dodgy was going on and he said he'd told her to not contact him anymore out of work hours.
Last night i saw a text come through from her along the lines of hope you're happy soon, you know where i am, night. He said she was going through a hard time at work and he was giving her advice. I told him to leave. He thinks he is doing nothing wrong but i disagree.
AIBU? Is it ok for them to be texting at night? What could he possibly have in common with a teenage girl? Am i overreacting? Surely any work matters should be discussed in a formal meeting at work in work hours.

OP posts:
tobytoes · 07/03/2014 13:14

If that was me I would be utterly furious!!!!! 300 texts a month? So sorry your going through this. Ive no advice but just wanted to say no ydnbu

SamG76 · 07/03/2014 13:16

YANBU - I thought you were going to say he'd texted her once. 300 times a month is an obsession! I think it's a change number situation....

scarletforya · 07/03/2014 13:18

300 times!

They're not discussing work. What a bullshitter!

You were right to ask him to leave. Besides the probable infidelity, her age! He's a tool. Gross.

Goblinchild · 07/03/2014 13:20

That poor girl.
No, he is behaving in an inappropriate manner, disrespectful to you and towards a girl he is in a position of authority and power over.

magoria · 07/03/2014 13:24

His explanation doesn't fit with her text.

If he is helping her why is she hoping he will be happy soon and that he knows where she is.

She can only hope he will be happy if he has told her something is not good in his life right now.

One guess what I think that is over 300 texts a month...

Original poster
pinkhorse · 07/03/2014 13:26

Magoria - thats what i questioned him on and he said they were both going through a hard time!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/03/2014 13:29

They have been having an affair. He has ended it. She said he knows where she is if he wants to get back with her.

Sorry but thats the gist of it.

ChasbutnotDave · 07/03/2014 13:30

300 texts is a bit much!

If it's all innocent would he show you them or has he deleted them?

2andout · 07/03/2014 13:30

Gross, get rid. HTH

Crowler · 07/03/2014 13:31

I would see this as a huge, red flag.

JeanSeberg · 07/03/2014 13:32

He must think you're an idiot OP.

What are you going to do next?

kotinka · 07/03/2014 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2014 13:34

Dodgier than Dodge City

I hope you keep this creep permanently dumped

Original poster
pinkhorse · 07/03/2014 13:34

I didn't see any from a few months ago, i only saw last night's text.
I have told him we have no future. I can't love someone that thinks it's ok to text a child like that (as well as the infidelity issue). Bleurghhh!

OP posts:
kotinka · 07/03/2014 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 07/03/2014 13:41

she is not a child

Daykin · 07/03/2014 13:42

Either - what squeaky said - they've had an affair and then ended it or he is doing the 'my wife doesn't understand me' route and is on the cusp of swinging it.

'I hope your happy soon' smacks of him playing the martyr. He is 'doing the right thing' even though he is miserable which shows he what great strength of character he has until she says 'oh, you are so wonderful but you deserve to be happy too'. Much better than being a creepy cheater.

Original poster
pinkhorse · 07/03/2014 13:42

In the eyes of the law she is a child.

OP posts:
Pollyputthekettle · 07/03/2014 13:45

YANBU.

Sorry OP this doesn't look good for you.

Writerwannabe83 · 07/03/2014 13:47

I'd be furious!!

I was a 17 year old employee once and my boss who was about 37 gave me his mobile number and we soon started seeing each other - there was absolutely nothing innocent about it!!!

At the time I felt very grown up but in hindsight he completely took advantage of my naivety.

This is VERY dodgy ground!!!!!!!!

Doingakatereddy · 07/03/2014 13:48

That's 10 texts every single day a month?? Sorry but that's a very very bad sign.

I'd not physical affair, then an emotional one. And 17 is barely legal. Get rid

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 07/03/2014 13:48

I'm glad youre taking no shit from him OP because it doesn't look good at all. bad enough to be behaving this way but with someone easily young enough to be his daughter, who he is in a position of authority over is, creepy and disturbing.

Jolleigh · 07/03/2014 13:49

This makes me a little sick. I thought it was going to be just a few texts but 300 in a month is not innocent and is not work related. Based on the text you've seen, I'd say they're sleeping together and he's trying to break it off against her wishes.

You're right to chuck him out.

Wantsunshine · 07/03/2014 13:59

It sounds like he has dumped her and she hopes he is happy with the decision. She has probably been fed the line my gf doesn't understand me and it's not a happy relationship.

Original poster
pinkhorse · 07/03/2014 16:45

Thanks for all the replies. This gives me every right to eat a whole tub of ice cream to myself doesn't it :(

OP posts: