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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have made a new zombie apoloypse plan.

90 replies

HadABadDay2014 · 06/03/2014 18:59

If zombies attack I'm going to get my husband to fly me and the DC to Norway with a full plane full of food. Then live here until the plague is over. Then once it is I can restart the world food supply.

www.nbcnews.com/id/46579942/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/doomsday-seed-vault-has-more-samples/

OP posts:
EverythingsDozy · 06/03/2014 19:46

If we are going for a cruise ship, I don't think we need to be terribly fussy. I think it'll just have to be a case of whoever isn't infected.

jojane · 06/03/2014 19:48

Ds1 is a walking human Internet or so he tells me. He knows everything so would probably come in handy seeing as google will be down.
Dd can make anything with a roll of Sellotape and some scrap paper.

KirjavaTheCat · 06/03/2014 19:49

Envy jojane

namechangesforthehardstuff · 06/03/2014 19:51

Everything'sdozy I don't know where you've been but once the apocalypse comes I want to be with a small group of trusted adventurers and not with the inevitable murderers, marauders and ravishers roaming the blighted planet.

Unfortunately I'm 'feisty' so I suspect I'll be eaten before series one is up Sad

namechangesforthehardstuff · 06/03/2014 19:53

Jojane it'll be manned by military zombies. They always are.Wink

EverythingsDozy · 06/03/2014 19:59

Well yeah of course you'd rather be with that type, but if 99% of the population are already zombies would you rather a) go it alone or b) have a couple of potentially helpful people with you? Even if it was just helpful because they are chubbers like me and would be easier to outrun?

KirjavaTheCat · 06/03/2014 20:04

Ooh I'm a chubber too. I won't die though, I've got scope to grow as a character and undergo a complete physical transformation into a lean, sinewy badass. By season three I'll be wielding the group's most useful weapon and taking orders from NO fool.

RedToothBrush · 06/03/2014 20:07

See I think plans where you live off stockpiled food are flawed. You have to identify and maintain a food supply in a area that is lowly populated and can be defended.

You therefore need some experience with living in the wilderness and how to survive it. You need an ability to make fire for years, long beyond when your matches and gas canisters have run out and you need a source of water too.

You therefore need to kidnap Bear Grylls or Ray Mears...

EverythingsDozy · 06/03/2014 20:08

Ooh yes! I have watched a few bear grylls episodes in my time. Not sure if I could make a vest out of a seal but I'm sure I've picked up some useful things.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/03/2014 20:24

My DH can shoot very well, he won't go without me, can we come? I'm fat so you could potentially leave me red faced and puffing behind whilst the rest of you get to safety? DH would be upset but by series 3 of this series of events he'd have moved on to one of you thinner surviving harlots.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/03/2014 20:25

Can we not kidnap Daryl Dixon (yes yes I know his real name), I reckon he did a lot of work to build his character so is more useful and less punch-worthy ghan Bear 'Smugtwat' Grylls.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/03/2014 20:26

*than dammit!

KirjavaTheCat · 06/03/2014 20:27

I'll see what I can do on the Dixon front.

Dibs, though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2014 20:28

For the chubbers on the thread, you will be last to die. When people are starving in open boats, skinny men die first, fat women last.

Unless they are TV zombies. In which case, good luck, you have a red uniform.

I can shoot; well and accurately. I also have some counselling skills for the inevitable PTSD we will all have.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/03/2014 20:31

I call dibs on Daryl when Kirjava is dead.

JennySense · 06/03/2014 20:31

Definitely boats - my Canal plan was the first step to getting hold of some luxury yacht.

You could down anchor just off a beach somewhere and wait out the apocalypse - can anyone confirm Zombies can't swim?

RedToothBrush · 06/03/2014 20:34

Anyone got pet rabbits?

I have a plan...

...we need food so the zombies don't eat us or we will be forced to turn on each other

...they do breed quick...

PoisonedApple · 06/03/2014 20:35

They can't swim but they lurk on the bottom I think...

EverythingsDozy · 06/03/2014 20:36

I've always had an ability to catch fish with my hands Grin and frogs (but only to chase my DM around the garden with!)
Nobody would be starving in open waters with me around. Or you could eat me, I'm sure if last a few days.
Oh dear, between this and another thread where I admitted to being a hairy gorilla, I'm not sounding too good to myself, let alone anyone else!

KirjavaTheCat · 06/03/2014 20:36

Or float about all bloated. No swimmers.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/03/2014 20:36

They don't need to breathe so getting to us in a narrow canal wouldn't be hard.

RedToothBrush · 06/03/2014 20:37

can anyone confirm Zombies can't swim?

consults google

arh yes.... here we go:

Let’s have a look at zombie buoyancy. If those maggot bags want to swim, they will have to learn how to float. If they moan then air is in their lungs, which means they can float. However, there’s this whole decomposition thing going on that may also prove fruitless for their effort if their body cavities lose pressure. And of course coordination between the limbs. They’d have to know how to perform one or more of a number of strokes if they’re intent is to swim to their destination, such as: front crawl, butterfly stroke, breaststroke, dog paddle, human stroke, survival travel stroke, breast feet first stroke, snorkeling, finswimming, inverted backstroke, inverted butterfly, back double trudgen, flutter back finning, feet first swimming, corkscrew swimming, underwater swimming, gliding, turtle stroke, sidestroke, combat sidestroke, and moth stroke.

Of course, the question remains: would zombies be able to even get their arms around their head in a full 360° turn? Have I mentioned about the zombie ocean predators? Crabs and lobsters love rotting meat. It’s their job to eat that stuff.

In all likelihood, zombies would walk to the shore and keep walking from the shore into the ocean until such time they’d walk themselves to a second death by either natural decomposition or ocean predator. That is, unless they fall into the Mariana Trench, the deepest part of the world’s oceans.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/03/2014 20:37

The cruise ship is a better idea. We can see them coming.

RedToothBrush · 06/03/2014 20:39

One problem with the canal plan is the depth of UK canals.

You'd be zombie steak.

JennySense · 06/03/2014 20:40

Yep they'll find it hard to climb up a cruise ship.