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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect the boss to know that i meant to spell the word huge with an E on the end

53 replies

finefatmama · 06/03/2014 12:11

woke up yesterday and realisd that I had an emergency plumber coming in to fix a leak, a meeting with social services regarding ds1 and had promised to take my sister and BIL to the airport so I sent a text to the boss at 6 a.m asking for the morning off which ended up including a request for it as a "...favour. huug this time"... as I wa a little overwhelmed and should have planned better etc. Was contacted by the PA to let me know that he'd rather I just took the day off to sort things out instead and that we need to talk when I have things under control.

Have been avoiding him all day today but surely he must know that I was asking for a 'huge favour' not a hug as I am known for being the tough one in the office and let this one go. how to boldly approach the conversation...

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 06/03/2014 13:34

Have been avoiding him all day today

This doesn't look good either. You should have gone in first thing and asked when he was free. Then apologised for yesterday and assured him it was a one-off and you'll be more organised in future.

If I were you boss I would be extremely unimpressed that you knew I wanted to see you yet had not bothered to contact me.

we need to talk when I have things under control

If I received a message like that from my boss or his assistant, I would read it as a massive wake-up call.

flowery · 06/03/2014 13:35

"If I received a message like that from my boss or his assistant, I would read it as a massive wake-up call."

I agree. Your boss thinking you don't have things under control is not a good thing, and something you should be trying to rectify, not avoid.

Original poster

finefatmama · 06/03/2014 13:38

The boss gets to work at 7am, some of us at 7.30am and everyone else officially start at 8am but they get to work before that. absence notification is latest 7.30am to me and if i am unavialble he has to assign the task to one of two other people.

i suppose iggy's post is right. will thank him for it. he's always said he didnt mind and prefers to play things by ear so we evolved into this last minute time off thing. Flexibility is both ways so he agreed because he works mmost weekends and contacts me to ask for things and i oblige.

well HelloBoys - he once jokingly responded to my mention of of ensuring good relationships with the boss by stating that I didnt have the right 'apparatus to attract him like that' and later apologised and mentioned his sensitivities so i am hoping this is not along those lines. i was clear at the time that we could do with not having conversations like that and we drew a line under it so I dont want to appear to be requesting a hug.

OP posts:

FoxesRevenge · 06/03/2014 13:38

I would be majorly pissed off if someone text me at 6am.

MarshaBrady · 06/03/2014 13:40

Did you list all those things? He wouldn't want to know, just wants you to take the day off and not fill him in with the details.

I'd imagine it's that rather than the misspelling.

TippiShagpile · 06/03/2014 13:41

Finefatmama - I'm sorry to say this but I think you're living in cloud cuckoo land. You need to see your boss as soon as possible.

flowery · 06/03/2014 13:42

Seriously, you are not appearing to be requesting a hug. The longer you leave it to speak to him as per his request, the more you are really not doing yourself any favours.

Original poster

finefatmama · 06/03/2014 14:57

saw him. thanked for the time off, promised to be more organised. PA came in to take notes. Asked for clarification about the text. i said it wasnt a hug I wanted, PA snorted, boss did not look too convinced. got told off for lack of attention to detail. could have got in trouble if it was another member of staff etc. Asked if I was calm and in control - yes. Asked if I was prepared and able to cope with tonite's board meeting - yes. Asked if i felt fully able to take any tough decisions required, have some difficult conversations and follow through - yes. did not ask if i needed support or my PA reinstated.

I asked whether the flexi arrangement was an issue because if it was I would be happy to discuss further, and he said not yet but he wanted to be assured of my committment and availablity at short notice and on weekends at no extra remuneration as per arrangment. flexibility must work both ways. I said yes and that was that.

Tippi, i will admit to having the odd cuckoo moment possibly even being the mad woman on the block but I assure you this isnt one of them. it was the hug that done it.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 06/03/2014 15:02

It sounds like that was a disciplinary meeting or certainly a precursor to one. In any case your boss certainly has some serious concerns about your performance.

I would request to see the notes that the PA took in the meeting, make sure you agree with what was recorded and ask for a copy. (Will a copy be placed on your personnel record?)

I would then work extra hard to restore his faith in you and ask for a follow-up meeting in a month's time when hopefully he will not that progress has been made.

TippiShagpile · 06/03/2014 15:25

Agreed with the pp - that sounds like a warning to me. You might just want to check the minutes of the meeting.

WottaTheOdds · 06/03/2014 15:30

it was the hug that done it

Don't be naïve! A boss who would banter about your having (or not) the "right apparatus" would be skating on very thin ice indeed to take issue with you on what was very clearly a typo. This, as others have said, is a very clear warning shot across the bows and you would do yourself a lot of favours by taking control of the situation right now. Again, as others have said, requesting a follow up meeting would be a good start. And join a union if there is one and you haven't already.

Oh yes, and get organised!

HelloBoys · 06/03/2014 15:30

I don't think it's a warning per se. But I think it could easily escalate into disciplinary.

Your final comment OP - and generally your attitude in your last post seems to not be taking this very seriously. I agree with Tippi and JeanSeberg on warning etc.

Just because the boss appears to be lenient towards you re if it were other member of staff don't think it doesn't apply to you.... I'd be very very careful and really like Jean says work harder and get another follow-up meeting etc.

HelloBoys · 06/03/2014 15:32

Wotta - I think the OP was not verbally warned (she needs to be told that it's verbal, written etc warning) just spoken to.

But besides that point, she doesn't appear to be taking this seriously, the next thing WILL BE disciplinary action, and proper warnings. if she so chooses to ignore our advice and laugh it off and eventually be dismissed then so be it.

WottaTheOdds · 06/03/2014 15:38

Hello I agree...I was using warning shot across the bows in the figurative sense rather than the employment law sense, but as you say, it's a clear pointer as to the way things are heading and if it were me I would be a lot more concerned than Mama appears to be.

mercibucket · 06/03/2014 15:40

a meeting where notes were taken . . why were notes taken? sounds like the start of something. ask to see tge notes

starfishmummy · 06/03/2014 15:54

If I was your bkss I would want to be talking to you about your lack of organisational skills and the negative impact they are having on your ability to do your job.

Silverfoxballs · 06/03/2014 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SelectAUserName · 06/03/2014 16:16

OP, that was an unofficial / informal warning. Your boss has concerns about your commitment and performance and you would be very silly to ignore this or to dismiss it as a minor reprimand about a typo.

I would have a discussion with a member of my team in that way if I hoped to turn them around with a wake-up call and head off formal inefficiency action.

If it were a member of the team with whom I had no other concerns, my reply to your original text would have been "okay, thanks for letting me know" and this morning I would have asked you if you had got everything sorted.

Take a metaphorical step back, put yourself in your boss's shoes and think about how your performance and attitude may have been coming across to him. From what you have said, you seem to be presenting yourself as flaky, unprepared and unreliable. Think about how you can change that. If you don't, your future there might turn out to be shorter than you might want it to be.

HelloBoys · 06/03/2014 17:12

OP Also the PA snorting and boss not looking convinced is likely (given your almost admitted lax manner re time off etc) to be not humour but rather getting fed up with you and treating you in a scathing manner.

Really to be fair to you - as you ARE senior and DON'T appear to be coping - just request your PA back. This is what they're there for to organise you. Don't feel you can "do it/have it all" because with the best will in the world you're not coping. If you took this stance maybe you could delay any further disciplinary treatment.

HelloBoys · 06/03/2014 17:14

oh and ASK for support or to have your PA reinstated. Don't wait for them to offer it to you on a plate. be proactive and assertive.

WilsonFrickett · 06/03/2014 17:41

I agree, you're on a slippery wicket here I fear, take it seriously. I agree it wasn't the hug that done it, it was probably the airport run actually.

Plumber coming in - no problem, you can work through that
Meeting to do with DCs - hmm, not too great but it's DCs and these things happen
Fecking off in your car for a couple of hours to drop people at the airport - proper taking the piss and would have been a disciplinary in my old work. If you were flexi working from home you were expected to be working, not providing a taxi service for someone else.

lougle · 06/03/2014 17:58

"woke up yesterday and realisd that I had an emergency plumber coming in to fix a leak, a meeting with social services regarding ds1 and had promised to take my sister and BIL to the airport"

How can you 'realise' you have 3 massive commitments on one day? Seriously - they are huge things to forget.

Do you use a calendar system? My life has been turned around organisationally since using google calendar. I can share it with my DH, who has his own calendar, and I have another one for the children, so in the end I end up with 3 colour coded entries.

Now, when I have notifications of an appointment, the first thing I do is enter it into google calendar. I can set a reminder for a particular time before the appointment (e.g. the day before, or two days before, an hour before, etc.) so that this sort of thing can't happen.

Original poster

finefatmama · 06/03/2014 18:21

lougle to be honest the days just run into one another for me and i need to schedule better. I tend to agree to all requests and then recap at some point at the end of the day or start of the next day.

maybe I am not taking it seriously enough but

my performance management concluded 2 weeks ago and it was very good. recommending a payrise at tonight's board meeting

i am the only person at this level who has not been off with stress or exhaustion. the outcome of the others situations has usually resulted in my taking on some of their responsibilities hopefully for a short while. that was commended at pm.

as a result of additional responsibilities, I cannot really take plan for any annual leave and we decided on this flexi thing where i can ask on the day i need it or before and if there are no warning signs that i am needed that day, i get it.

i think i may have ended up doing many things and possibly none of it very well rather than the few very good things i used to do.

i thot it was the hug because he said that had i sent the text to someone else about the hug, there could have been trouble before he double checked that I was still available as per flexi which tends to involve to involved the 8-10pm Saturday night instruction and getting back to him by midnight.

OP posts:

PowderMum · 06/03/2014 19:37

I have no idea of your job or how important/senior it is but I wouldn't want you on my Senior Management Team. You are showing yourself to be a disorganised disaster. I fear your boss is beginning to feel the same.

Yes flexible working needs to work both ways and if a member of my SMT called to say that they had a plumbing emergency and would be in once sorted I'd be ok. If they called to say they had forgotten an appointment or airport run I would be pissed off and also it would raise flags as to whether they were being genuine.

Sorry but planning and calendar management is what you need.

Nerfmother · 06/03/2014 19:48

Hello op.
In your shoes now, I would stop sharing any personal life stuff with your boss or team, just in case they start thinking you can't manage or are under stress and look for evidence?
In a previous job I shared a lot with my colleagues and I really really wish I hadn't. Now, I share a bit and some of my traumas but I'm always aware of the need to be and look in control.
Do you think maybe people think the social services involvement, rushing after others is getting to you? Even if it's positive from ds (support for disability say) not everyone will know that. If be trying to separate home from work at the moment and be really efficient with record keeping time wise, when I'm at home I keep a diary of start time what I do, breaks etc.
hope this is just a blip.

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