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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this a bit strange

57 replies

meggy22 · 05/03/2014 20:49

My neighbours daughters aged 5 and 3 yrs were staying at mine the other afternoon as my neighbour asked me to mind them as she had a hospital appointment. Anyway I was changing my sons nappy and the 3 yr old said to me - boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, my mum showed me on daddy. His penis is bigger than Noah's( my son). I was really shocked that she said this, Aibu to think this shocking or is this normal?

OP posts:

BillyAndBamBam · 05/03/2014 21:03

I think it's normal. When dd gets to that age I wouldn't bat an eyelid if she wanted to share a bath with her dad still so of course she would see him naked.

Binkyridesagain · 05/03/2014 21:07

Normal in this part of real world as well, I saw my parents naked until I was 15 years old and I asked them to cover up as they were sat in the living room and I was starting to bring friends around. All my children have seen both DH and I naked.

ThursdayLast · 05/03/2014 21:09

Normal, and totally healthy I consider it.

Littlefish · 05/03/2014 21:10

Darling - I honestly think it's not just a Mumsnet thing. I am 46 years old and regularly saw both of my parents naked until I was about 9. I can't think of any of my friends who didn't have the same experience.

nostress · 05/03/2014 21:11

Normal! When DS1 was about 3 he stayed at my mums for a night. Sometime after when he saw me changing he said "your boobs are like granma's... Only hers are longer" :)

BrownSauceSandwich · 05/03/2014 21:12

SummerRain, when you say the correct words, I assume you mean "hoo-ha" and "ding-a-ling"?

Darling, we didn't exactly stand round chatting in the buff, but I'm surprised you abated to get through ~18 years of house sharing without so much as an accidental flash. I distinctly remember dashing to the loo to find my poor father trying to have a peaceful bath... As if that was part of the deal when he had four kids!

changeforthebetter · 05/03/2014 21:13

Haha! DFriend relates taking his nephew swimming and said nephew pipes up (aged 3, I think) "oh, you've got a todger like Daddy's!". DF was mortified

DF Nephew is now 17 and entirely unaffected. Naming body parts is normal and quite a healthy thing to do.

changeforthebetter · 05/03/2014 21:13

Haha! DFriend relates taking his nephew swimming and said nephew pipes up (aged 3, I think) "oh, you've got a todger like Daddy's!". DF was mortified

DF Nephew is now 17 and entirely unaffected. Naming body parts is normal and quite a healthy thing to do.

shakinstevenslovechild · 05/03/2014 21:14

at the thought of being considered 'hip' and 'right on' because my dc wander into the bathroom whenever they feel like it.

VoyageDeVerity · 05/03/2014 21:16

Totally normal here.

My Belgian friend used to actually play with her dads penis and pretend to stir the bowl with it. They were proper hippies.

AgentZigzag · 05/03/2014 21:16

Normal, and I'm definitely not hip or right on (and I have people that'd testify to that without being paid).

SergeantJarhead · 05/03/2014 21:16

OP, I think YANBU but only because I suspect you were brought up like me? My 'D'M would not have ANY body parts mentioned, ever. Could not say 'going to the loo' or anything, I think she has issues. My teenager years were funny I can tell you ... However, I am with the other posters, it is normal conversation for little children :)

Blueuggboots · 05/03/2014 21:16

My parents were always really open about nakedness and I was taught the proper names of body parts without it being weird.
My DS is 3 and often comes in the shower with me. We say "boy bits" and "girl bits" or "willy" about his penis. He's a bit obsessed with watching me wee at the moment as he's potty training.
I will teach him the proper words for them when he's older but I don't think it's weird that a 3 year old knows this.

Ludways · 05/03/2014 21:24

I've never seen my patents naked but all my friends used to think that was weird, I'm 46.

It's totally normal here, we've both bathed with the kids too, not all of us together though, lol.

Loving the idea I'm hip and trendy! Woo hoo

Standinginline · 05/03/2014 21:29

Normal !! My son always sees his dads penis as he sleeps naked ,he refers to it as "huge" (partner loves it, lol ).

We were in the supermarket the other day and for some reason he's got it in his head that the squashes are "daddy's willy". He was shouting it out and all I was worried about wS someone having the same thought as you and thinking it's strange. He's 3 btw.

Birdsgottafly · 05/03/2014 21:38

If there is hands on Parenting by Dads, this is normal.

No different than seeing our female relatives undressed, every child that I know goes through a boob comparing age.

I think that it is more shocking to some people because of their family set up, or behaviour.

I only had two close make relatives growing up and no male children around.

I'm in my 40's, there wasn't all the toilets/family changing etc in public places and I can remember having to go into the Men's toilets with my Dad growing up, in fact Men wee'd in public places quite happily, so you had glimpses of Men's private parts.

My DH bathed with shorts in with our DD's, but they still went through a stage of wanting to know what he was covering etc.

SlightlyDampWellies · 05/03/2014 21:41

Normal.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 05/03/2014 21:46

My dd is 2.3 and seems to have picled up cutesy names for genitalia but she is fascinated by "noonies and tinkies" DH has tried to get her to say "Daddy has a Ding Dong" to make him sound better in public but she just scoffs and says "noooo....daddys got a tinkie"

Caitlin17 · 05/03/2014 22:02

DarlingGrace We're not usually singing from the same hymn sheet but I was brought up by maternal grandparents and my mother and I don't ever remember seeing them naked.

So far as my son I think we shared a bath when he was small but stopped probably around 3 , certainly young enough that he won't remember it.

GreenLandsOfHome · 05/03/2014 22:08

At a family party, ds2 (aged just 3 at the time) took great pains to put himself, ds1, dh and his 8 year old cousin in a straight line in specific order.

Loads of people were looking, making 'ahh' noises at how cute he was being. One of the old dears there told him how clever he was putting them all in a line from tallest to shortest.

Ds2 was very indignant and piped up in front of everyone 'It's not tallest to shortest! It's biggest willy to smallest willy. My daddy's is REALLY big, so he goes first, then [cousin] then [ds1] then me!'

MinesAPintOfTea · 05/03/2014 22:14

Darling I don't wander about naked but I shower when home alone with DS so he often comes to throw toys in the bath/find me socks whilst I get dressed. So he does see me naked most days. DH doesn't avoid him when he's getting changed either.

Similarly my parents didn't wander around naked but I have vague memories from when I was about 6 (before we moved house) of DM getting us all in the shower together to wash, including her. I presume she was naked then but I was definitely unbothered and only interested in playing "making dams" with feet. And we all got changed together for swimming too.

I suspect that its more lack of memories before you were old enough to do your own personal care. You would have been old enough to make embarrassing proclamations to other adults though.

PansOnFire · 05/03/2014 22:20

I'd find this totally normal, I grew up in a house where nudity was the norm but I was never totally comfortable with it once I got to about 11. Seeing my parents didn't bother me it was more anyone seeing me. DH, on the other hand, is incredibly private about everything. As a child his family would have no nudity at all, he's never shared a bath with his parents or siblings and he and his siblings didn't have names for their parts. This has recently come up because we have a DS who is potty training and we need words, DH doesn't think we should be drawing any attention to it or giving him a name for it! I don't agree so we won't be doing that. We'll use the correct terms and DH will just have to acknowledge that these things are normal.

I think you're worrying about nothing but I think you were right to check, it's often the small things that we think are a bit odd that are passed off when they could be big indicators of abuse/neglect etc. you sound very caring and your neighbour is lucky to have someone looking out for the welfare of her kids.

Bowlersarm · 05/03/2014 22:24

Normal.

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM · 05/03/2014 22:27

Err... I'v never seen my fathers penis nor been asked to pair comparison ... its not 'normal' in the real world, it might hip-right-on-there in MN-land but no, its not normal

Darling Grace your really lighting up the boards tonight are you not, on all the threads your on.

We are far from nudists here but things get seen in runs to bathroom and so on. I think it really healthy for children to see their parents bodies.

Gruntfuttock · 05/03/2014 22:27

Quoted from the OP:- "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, my mum showed me on daddy. His penis is bigger than Noah's"

So this little girl had been shown her father's penis by her mother. This is certainly not the norm in my experience, but I can certainly see from the other posts that is normal as far as others are concerned.

Incidentally, I never saw my parents naked and our daughter has never seen her father or me naked, apart from a stage when she was a baby and had to be with me whenever I went to the loo or had a bath. Well, now I see from the responses that this isn't normal, but she's now a happy, healthy 23 yr old and appears to have survived this weird upbringing, I'm pleased to say.

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