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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Letter addressed to DH

54 replies

gelati3 · 03/03/2014 11:32

Started a business with DH, equal shares. Got advice from accountants- we both attended the meetings. Fee invoice and covering letter addressed to DH only. AIBU to think this is sexist?

OP posts:

Snatchoo · 03/03/2014 17:04

YANBU.

I opened a savings account. Then added DH to it.

Letters come addressed to him! Cheeky feckers.

Snatchoo · 03/03/2014 17:05

On the other hand, our mortgage is my name first then his - I added him to the mortgage and it was MY money down that bought it.

We get a letter each from them.

DinoSnores · 03/03/2014 17:08

I wonder if the second person to join an account bumps the first person. When I was added to DH's bank account when we got married, the account became "Mrs Dino and Mr Dino".

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog · 03/03/2014 17:09

On our water bill/council tax and electric bill, DP's name is on the top.

I'm the one who got all this transferred into both of our names when we moved in together. The bills were originally in my name only.

I've only just realized because of this thread.

I've now got the rage

fideline · 03/03/2014 17:14

YANBU

Nearly punched a plasterer over similar issue last year (I'd found him, hired him, paid him while DH was abroad, DH came home as plasterer was finishing off and I was suddenly invisible)

But from an Accountant? Bit shocked.

aurorasky · 03/03/2014 17:15

Credit check forms for our new rented home didn't include income amount on my form, just on my husbands. When I rang to ask why on earth not, I was told it was because they assumed I was a SAHM. Completely random assumption.

WillieWaggledagger · 03/03/2014 17:25

for our joint account we used to get one bank statement addressed to both of us and an additional one addressed to dp only (identical in content)

and despite my surname being earlier in the alphabet his name appears first on most jointly addressed things

WillieWaggledagger · 03/03/2014 17:26

our solicitor does list my name first. but then he is a relative of mine so in his eyes i am more important

WillieWaggledagger · 03/03/2014 17:28

aurorasky my mum had that when registering with a new GP practice when i was small - they wanted dad's profession, didn't ask whether she had one, just assumed not. she was a GP herself and complained loudly!

Oldraver · 03/03/2014 17:32

Our school addresses letters to OH first..I keep on meaning to ask them the policy on this, it may be alphabetical. I am the only one with PR so it is annoying

clam · 03/03/2014 17:50

Does it not depend how the original application form was filled in? I do all the admin in our house, and nearly all the accounts are in my name nowadays, as I got so fed up, years ago, of waiting hours in telephone queues only to be told that they wouldn't speak to me as dh was the main account holder. So I changed them all.
Never had a problem since, and I always put my name first on anything I'm filling in, from airline ticket booking to whatever.

aurorasky · 03/03/2014 18:02

The DPS (Deposit Protection Service) have written to inform me that 'Mr. Aurorasky will now handle all transactions with us relating to this deposit' (deposit on our new rented home). No that's fine, don't involve me in that decision grrrr.

WillieWaggledagger I also have the rage when people ask what my husband does but neglect to ask me (dangerous job in a male dominated profession, well I find it interesting!).

eddielizzard · 03/03/2014 18:32

ooo aurora - what do you do?

Stoneinwelly · 03/03/2014 18:36

If you are both directors as well as shareholders YADNBA
If you aren't a director, just a shareholder ( even an equal shareholder) YABA.

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 03/03/2014 18:39

I'd be tempted to not only drop your accountants but report them to their professional body too - it's not just sexist but unprofessional and that makes it against codes of practice etc for the main professional bodies...

Time for some re-training about how partnerships work .....

Stoneinwelly · 03/03/2014 18:39

If you own half the company but aren't a director you should have another conversation with your husband and accountant.

aurorasky · 03/03/2014 18:44

eddielizzard asbestos surveying :)

jay55 · 03/03/2014 18:46

I'm single but I cannot imagine my (lovely, wonderful) accountant doing this. Yadnu.

Noodledoodledoo · 03/03/2014 18:47

We had this with a firm of solicitors who if I emailed them and copied in my husband re a house purchase they would respond just to him. Everything we sent was copied to the other but they only responded to him. We filed a complaint as we nearly lost exchange due to this. Was more frustrating as the company seemed to only have female employees!

Amateurish · 03/03/2014 19:08

Who made first contact with the firm, and arranged the meeting? It's likely that their details will be used for correspondence (unless you tell them otherwise).

BuggersMuddle · 03/03/2014 19:20

YANBU and I'd be worried (unless your letter turns up tomorrow) what other key correspondence you might not get as director of your own company

aurasky The SAHM / 'wee job' assumption gives me the rage as well. DP is 'chartered' now, which seems to make things worse as people tend to assume DP is now much more educated than me (debatable - about the same) as well as the previous assumption that he earned more (nope) and worked longer hours (about the same).

I very nearly lost my shit with a company we were buying white goods from. Two of us there and the chap first asks me if 'he let me get the one I wanted' then continued oblivious after a rather short return from me to chat to my DP and ask him 'will your wife be in when it's delivered'. I was fucking standing right there and putting in on my credit card!

really1234 · 03/03/2014 19:20

I'm an accountant and sometimes address a letter to only one of a couple or a partnership, when that person is my designated contact. Usually I will write to both but sometimes it seems sensible to write directly to the person I deal with. Often that is the wife in a husband and wife company.

In this case I would just contact them and say that you expect letters to be sent to both of you in future. Yes if they so it again consider sacking them but writing a letter to just one of you does not make them crap accountants.

kernowal · 03/03/2014 19:25

YABU. Many accountancy engagement letters specify that there will be a main point of contact to whom all correspondence will be addressed, to avoid duplication of effort. Correspondence from accountants is usually addressed to the finance director or the person taking the greatest responsibility for finance. It's then down to that person to share the information appropriately across the business. If your company had 10 shareholders and directors you would not expect each piece of correspondence to be addressed and sent to each person.

You can obviously raise it as an issue if you find it that upsetting, but those people suggesting that the firm should be reported to their professional body are being ridiculous. I agree with those asking if you would be equally upset if the correspondence had been addressed to you rather than your husband. Would you care so much then?

Crowler · 03/03/2014 19:25

It's unprofessional.

We had an estate agent several years back (a woman) who would only deal with my husband, it did my head in. Ultimately you have to use your clout as customer to ensure they get the point: you're an equal partner.

KittensoftPuppydog · 03/03/2014 20:28

Yup. We are renting out a house that we both own. I take note of all the agents who write to dh asking to market it. They can fuck right off.

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