to not understand why Purdy on First Dates gets such a negative reaction from men?

[physallis]

So, have been watching First Dates (if you've not seen it, Channel 4 reality prog where strangers meet in a restaurant for first dates. Bit like online dating - I think they see photos first - but obviously it's filmed, and at the end they give a bit of feedback etc).

Anyway, one of the girls on it, Purdy (who says she's never had a relationship) has been knocked back by both her dates so far, who say she's too talkative.

Some of the comments I've seen online from men discussing the are that she's too full on, needs to calm the fuck down etc, which I don't get, as I think she's pretty great (she reminds me in some ways of a younger version of myself!) and I thought being chatty, confident etc were positive qualities on dates - surely no-one wants to sit in silence?!

to her date in the most recent episode...

I was going to ask the same as Shatze I thought your friend was lovely and very attractive looking pinkstinks . I hope he's met someone!

Aah he is a sweetheart! Great to hear other peo

Well I've never watched it but I watched the link and she seems great! All chatty and funny!

But then I'm not exactly the shy and retiring type myself, though I still managed to somehow bag a husband at 23

Oops
Other people think so too! No he is still single, although his Facebook and Twitter have been inundated since the show. He's just glad he came across as ok and raised some awareness of stammering! His first date was lovely although edited badly and the second date was really nice. I think he is overwhelmed with the attention but I'm keeping my fingers crossed he meets someone lovely soon!

Not that I had a goal to find a bloke at that age, it just happened!

OK, I haven't seen the show, but based on that five-minute clip, and bearing in mind it will have been edited...

She's loud and all about herself. But she doesn't seem like a bad person, I don't think. I imagine she'll find someone easily enough who complements her.

I don't think it is a men / women thing either, really - some on here saying that she would be a great female friend? Well sure, for some. But I think women are as likely as men to be put off by her. I'd run a mile. Just watching her for five minutes set my nerves jangling. Just too bloody loud and abrasive, the rictus grin, the eardrum-busting laugh, god, nightmare for me.

I think perhaps her nerves are her worst enemy? She seems quite sweet but I do wince a bit as she's always running at 100 miles an hour, it may just be the editing though. The bit where she did loads of different impressions of people saying her name was a bit cringy, she didn't seem to pick up on her date feeling completely steam rollered. She seems fun just a bit insular/ doesn't really adjust her conversation or behaviour to make her dates feel comfortable. Reminds me of a teenager on a first date. I find her likeable though, just wish she could have an ear piece with someone giving a bit of gentle advice.

She seems like a nice enough person to be mates with in limited doses, but she's a bit full on. Her voice is a little high pitched and grating too.

I about came unglued at the bathroom scene. That laugh and those acoustics...

Honestly though she was just TOO happy and giddy and talkative. Guy imagine spending time talking, going places, showing you off to people and I'm sure he imagined she had one volume and didn't know to be demure and assess the scene first.

Just... wow. Talkative is fine, but actually ask THEM questions too. The art of conversation and all that.

I really am surprised by how polarised opinions seem to be - seems either people like or (majority) loathe her.

I honestly can't see what she does wrong (but I expect this is due to being very like her myself). She shouldn't change though surely? Isn't it important to meet someone who likes you for you, not some put-on veneer?

Well she could change a bit, just as pony tail man and cheesy line man could change (a lot). We modify our appearance for society, so some of us modify our behaviour too.

If she wants to come across as self absorbed that's fine but if she doesn't - or isn't- she could tone it down.

Because, just, sssssssssssssshhhhhhhhh Purdey!

Yes, she's just too full on for me. She would drive me mad as she seems in your face the whole time. It probably is nerves but I would find it difficult to put up with.

OP, you asked why my DP thought Purdy would be marriageable in 10 years time (!). I have absolutely no idea why, but he thinks she will stop talking so much, learn to listen a bit, gain some poise and therefore lose the need to manically giggle. He thinks she seems nice and sweet but it will take time for her to slow down and realise there's a finite amount of airtime for us all to share. No, absolutely don't change if you don't want to, just to make someone like you. I'm not a huge talker but even I've found men generally get weary of chatter. I've adjusted and save a bit of the over-excitable bubbling for when I'm with girlfriends. Perhaps the problem posters are highlighting is that Purdy seems rather one-dimensional - it's hard to imagine her listening, reflecting and taking a considered interest in another person. So it's hard to imagine her with a partner who will value those qualities and therefore hard to imagine her with someone who will take an interest in her. If that's true, it might be worthwhile for her to flesh out her listening side in order to have more meaningful relationships with the rest of the world. Not suggesting that she change to please anyone else, though. The other potential partner for Purdy could be one of those men with nothing at all to say. She wouldn't be much good for that sort of person because he'd never develop in an atmosphere of wall to wall sound.

She'd make a good friend I think but from a man's perspective she is quite gobby and not very attractive. Which sounds awful. She is probably somebody's dream date but wouldn't appeal to everyone iyswim.