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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding present cash how much?

46 replies

TickTek · 01/03/2014 16:54

A close family member is getting married and has asked for money towards their honeymoon instead of presents.

We are skint! Is £20 too little? We'd like to give more but already won't be buying new outfits, budgeting for the fuel when it's just a few hours drive and not staying over with accommodation costs.

I feel it's tight as they're on a budget themselves and will be providing food at the reception. Although not a sit down meal but if we went out to eat it would cost more than £20!

We could buy a nice present for £20 but in cash it's not much. Infact if we bought a present we'd only spend £10. £20 won't pay for much on their honeymoon.

Then with money do you just put cash in the card or should it be cheque?

OP posts:

Creamycoolerwithcream · 01/03/2014 17:02

I think 20 to 30 is fine. If all the guests/couples/families gave that amount it would be a nice sum. I'm not sure about cheque or cash.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/03/2014 17:04

£20 is fine. Don't give more than you can afford.

KiwiBanana · 01/03/2014 17:05

Well we've given £20 before so hopefully that is ok!

EverythingsDozy · 01/03/2014 17:06

I don't think anyone would want you to put yourself in hardship when giving a gift. If £20 is all you can afford then so be it! I'm sure they can get a meal on their honeymoon for £20

Only1scoop · 01/03/2014 17:08

My nephew did this when he got married, and there was a lovely post box at the reception for cards etc. They were going to the States so we gave dollars in a card.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 01/03/2014 17:08

That's a nice way of looking at it Everything.

BillyBanter · 01/03/2014 17:10

Would you want guests to give you more than they can afford?

Glitterfeet · 01/03/2014 17:11

It's fine , I'm sure they wouldn't want you to spend more than you can afford.

GertyD · 01/03/2014 17:14

As someone who is asking the same thing, I would be proper grateful for that amount. I would consider that generous x

quietlysuggests · 01/03/2014 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WooWooOwl · 01/03/2014 17:46

£20 is a lovely amount to receive as a wedding gift, just put the cash in a card.

If they are on a budget they are likely to be aware that most of the people they socialise with aren't loaded either.

Oriunda · 01/03/2014 18:15

Quietly, same in Italy but slightly different calculation. If cousin spent 200 euros on you, you have to spend the same! Minimum 100-150 however (per head).

OP, do you know where they are going? You could give currency for the specific country as that will seem more than £20.

Choccywoccydoo · 01/03/2014 18:26

We normally give £50 and I put my foot down at any more - some couples I know who asked for money as a present have ended up with thousands!

£20 is totally fine - it's more about the gesture, and you certainly shouldn't fret over giving more if you can't comfortably afford it.

Glad I'm not Irish!

Floggingmolly · 01/03/2014 18:31

I'm Irish and I'm at 150 euros (although it's true enough apparently, a recent phenomenon); 20 quid is fine.

PrincessOfChina · 01/03/2014 18:34

We had anything from £20 up to £400. Most common was £50 or £75.

We did also get nothing, not even a card from some people and just thanked them for being there when we wrote our thank you cards.

Jackthebodiless · 01/03/2014 18:49

We give £50 these days but only because we can afford to. in the past when we've been skint we've given £20.

Original poster

TickTek · 01/03/2014 18:51

Thanks and relief it's not unreasonable (and that we're not in Ireland or Italy either!).

Bride, who's family. Knows we don't have a lot of money spare and the groom would also hopefully be fine about a token amount.

I know other family and friends will be a lot more generous and that we don't have to and can't compete but people seemed to be competing last year when the B&G did the 3 peaks challenge and no one, other than us, donated less than £20 on their Justgiving page. I remember feeling a little embarrassed when it listed amounts and we'd only given a fiver as the amounts kept going up from £20 in tens to £100, with the last few donations 100s. (Just hope some of our family don't know what we give as a wedding present).

At least if people are as generous for their wedding they'll have an amazing honeymoon.

Giving the money in the currency of the destination they're going to would be a great idea but unfortunately we don't know where they plan to go, they aren't having the honeymoon straight after the wedding so haven't booked anything yet.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 01/03/2014 18:54

£20 is absolutely fine!! That's what we gave my cousin when she married, although we gave it in Thai baht as that was their destination.
She had about 100 people at her wedding, if everyone gave £20 then they would have had a very nice honeymoon!!

Stubbed · 01/03/2014 18:55

Why not buy a present instead? I don't like giving money (though it depends who it is) and often give a few bottles of nice wine instead.

buddyfingy · 01/03/2014 19:06

Just don't forget how much you put in! Last year DP and I attended his cousin's wedding reception. DP forgot a card, so I picked one up on the way. DP originally put £20 in. I thought he had forgotten so slipped another £20 in without checking.
And then we got sozzled.
DP cousin and bride ended up with about £80 from us
I didn't mind really though as they are such a wonderful couple but Mrs DP Cousin did mention that she would have just been happy with us turning up! So yes, £20 very lovely to receive and just deal the envelope and hand over before heading to the bar!

buddyfingy · 01/03/2014 19:07

*seal the envelope obviously

Toofattorun · 01/03/2014 20:53

I would normally give about £100. It depends on what you can afford to give.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 01/03/2014 21:00

There's no appropriate amount it should be pro rata to what you can afford at the time. It's not a competition.
I really don't think the recipients would want anyone to go without so that they could give more for a gift.

splasheeny · 01/03/2014 21:08

I would think at least 20 per person, but if you can only afford that between you then its soubds like you don't have much choice.

Lookingforadvice123 · 01/03/2014 21:12

We got married last Saturday! We also asked for money towards our honeymoon (only for the people who asked specifically what we wanted) and we got a range of cash gifts and vouchers, ranging from £20 to £1000 (only my grandad) as well as bottles of champagne and thoughtful little gifts. £20 is a very generous amount and we were very grateful to receive everything, so if you would prefer to get a little gift then I would do that.

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