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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding present cash how much?

46 replies

TickTek · 01/03/2014 16:54

A close family member is getting married and has asked for money towards their honeymoon instead of presents.

We are skint! Is £20 too little? We'd like to give more but already won't be buying new outfits, budgeting for the fuel when it's just a few hours drive and not staying over with accommodation costs.

I feel it's tight as they're on a budget themselves and will be providing food at the reception. Although not a sit down meal but if we went out to eat it would cost more than £20!

We could buy a nice present for £20 but in cash it's not much. Infact if we bought a present we'd only spend £10. £20 won't pay for much on their honeymoon.

Then with money do you just put cash in the card or should it be cheque?

OP posts:

scarlettsmummy2 · 01/03/2014 21:18

I am going to be a bit controversial and say that £20 for a couple doesn't look great. I would buy a present instead. But I am also Irish and any wedding I have been too it is at least £100 per couple so may be over generous. I would also say that the Irish tend to go all out for weddings!

Backtobedlam · 01/03/2014 21:22

I think most people would be grateful for anything they receive. We asked for money/vouchers at our wedding-the cost of the wedding/meal per head makes no difference, the money's been spent and you've been invited because they want you there, not because of what they think they can get. If there's 100 people at the wedding at everyone have just £10 that's £1000 extra to spend on honeymoon! Enjoy the day and buy a thoughtful card...notonthehighstreet do some nice personalised ones.

Orlea · 01/03/2014 21:22

Only give what you can comfortably afford. If that's 20, fine; if nothing at all, also fine. They know you're not rolling in it and everyone accepts that weddings are expensive to attend, so a card with no cash is fine.

But if you feel really bad about it, could you save up and give them something more at a later date? I had a friend whose wedding was the seventh we attended in a very short period one year (one of those years!), and we were totally out of cash by then so we gave them a card on the day and then a few months later when we'd saved up a bit, we gave them currency for the honeymoon, which they hadn't been able to afford to take right after the wedding. As they hadn't expected the belated currency present, she said it helped them do a few extra things on their honeymoon on top of what they had budgeted for, so although I was worried about it at the time of her wedding, it worked out well

bunday · 21/03/2014 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 21/03/2014 18:18

We dont have a lot of spare cash, so am making prints for the wedding we are going to this year.

similar style to the ones in Not On The High Street and only cost the frame. £17.

Laquitar · 21/03/2014 18:26

Have you got dcs, are you taking them to the wedding?

Dukketeater · 21/03/2014 18:28

Just buy a present. People shouldn't dictate gifts x

NeverTalksToStrangers · 21/03/2014 18:36

The Irish thing is very very true. I live in ni. Minimum gift from guests at my wedding (7 years ago) was £50 (from my work colleagues coming with no partner) and £100 per couple. Aunts and uncles normally give £200+.

Mega awkward moment before friends wedding when she married English bloke. They had pre wedding gathering in her mum's for English guests coming over. The comparison in gifts from irish and English relatives was unbelievable.

Pepperglitter · 21/03/2014 18:36

We would normally give £100 if attending a wedding as a couple. I have attended work collegues' weddings on my own and then I think £50-60 is fine.

I think £20 is a bit stingy if you are attending as a couple. If you are a student at uni I think it would be fine.

If you really can't afford it I would just get a card and write a nice message inside.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 21/03/2014 18:38

Oh and wearing black to an irish wedding is totally acceptable/normal/chic. Have spoken about this before.

Floggingmolly · 21/03/2014 19:20

Fairly poor taste to do a "comparison", Nevertalks, don't you think? . If people don't know what's expected, perhaps your friend should have been a little more specific in her wedding poem.
Would have saved disappointment all round, I imagine.

whydidyoudothat · 21/03/2014 19:29

£20 is fine, cousins and friends gave us £20-£30 aunties and uncles seemed to give £50, a friend who we knew was struggling gave £10 which meant a lot as we weren't expecting anything from her. For us it was about having our nearest and dearest celebrating with us, whilst we really appreciated everything we were given, peoples presence meant more to us than any gift or cash amount,

IwinIwin · 21/03/2014 19:29

Nothing wrong with it at all OP but if you are stressing about it then maybe do what I did? I got one friend a lovely personalised photo album from ebay for one friend and a £25 wowcher voucher for a restaurant deal and we took the couple out for dinner after their honeymoon.

immortalwife · 21/03/2014 19:37

As someone who's asking g for a donations towards honeymoon (we can't afford both wedding and hol) we have everything at home and don't want presents particularly as we don't have much space at home to put anything.

£20 is fine. Its not just you who's going, and a little goes a long way if you're savvy. Honestly don't worry!

CuttingOutTheCrap · 21/03/2014 19:46

£20 is fine - or if you prefer to give a non-cash gift that's fine too - just because they have expressed a preference for cash doesn't mean you have to stick to that.

Or perhaps give a small cash amount and a small handmade/personal gift? I know for our wedding some of the gifts we most treasured were the least expensive ones that people had put a lot of time/thought into :)

MissMooMoo · 21/03/2014 19:53

We give £100 if we are invited to the whole do and £50 if just evening guests

StrawberryMojito · 21/03/2014 20:01

We asked for honeymoon donations. Most people gave us about £40, some gave more, some gave less, some gave presents instead. It was all gratefully received. Nothing wrong with £20.

DoNotDenyMe · 21/03/2014 20:05

Alot of couples at our wedding last yr gave 20. Some were able to give a bit more. Really didn't think much of it, people give what they can afford and honestly, we saw it all as a lovely bonus

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/03/2014 20:36

Dp and I are going to a friends eve reception soon and want cash /vouchers - will prob give £40 - so £20 each

£20 per couple does seen cheap but we can afford the above - hopefully friends will appreciate anything they get

monicalewinski · 21/03/2014 22:27

It's the same rule of thumb as giving to charity imo - you give what you can afford to give.

Every little helps and £20 is fine - it all adds up in the end. To be honest, I would have quite a low opinion of anyone who passed judgement on the financial worth of a gift.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2014 22:36

Well, it's not an Irish wedding and you don't have £100.

£20 is fine.

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