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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Got the rage at a schoolchild, AIBU?

33 replies

magic8balls · 01/03/2014 12:03

Okay, I feel quite bad about this and can't work out whether I was BU or not. Yesterday evening I was on the train, it was quite empty but two school boys (maybe 11 or 12) came and sat down, one next to me and one opposite me. Fine, I put my headphones in and was ignoring them. They start playfighting, one of them was waving his arm in my face and they were tussling on the floor by my feet. I got the rage and told them (not shouting), to please calm down and act with courtesy to other passengers, I was fed up of being shoved around by them. So they shut up but kept cough-swearing, like "cough BITCH cough" etc, and laughing etc. I tried to just ignore and chill. One of them got off the same train station, and was basically trying to delay me getting off, kept stopping in front of me, staring at me and saying "what, what?!" at me. He then went to get in his mums car, and I followed and told him that I was gonna tell his mum about his horrible childish behaviour. I didn't obviously, I didn't stoop to that level. But I realise that what I said was childish and I should have handled the situation better, I just felt so ragey. Was IBU to tell him off and how should I have handled it?

OP posts:

Lottiedoubtie · 01/03/2014 12:05

I would have told his mum. And if I recognised the uniform I'd have telephoned the head teacher.

Very rude behaviour from them.

noblegiraffe · 01/03/2014 12:06

If they were in school uniform you could report it to the school. That sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable, but confronting his mum would probably not be a good idea as you don't know how she would react.

SaucyJack · 01/03/2014 12:07

Why didn't you just tell his mum?

AgentZigzag · 01/03/2014 12:08

He crossed the line when he tried to stop you getting off, you should have gone over to his mum, he shouldn't get away with intimidating a woman on public transport whatever she'd said/done.

I probably would have said something too, although it's not always the best thing to do.

WilsonFrickett · 01/03/2014 12:08

I would have told his mother too - if it was mine I would want to know, especially about the use of the word 'bitch' which is a no-no in our house.

That said, I think it's fairly normal teenage behaviour and mucking around on public transport is something we did as teenagers. I would never have squared up or called someone a bitch though.

There's a high school pupil we've passed twice recently on the walk to school who both times has looked me right in the eye then farted! I am working on my response for next time...

VivaLeBeaver · 01/03/2014 12:08

I would have told his mum and I'd have taken a photo of him on my phone and emailed the school with the photo so they knew who it was.

Cringechilli · 01/03/2014 12:09

I would have reported it to the school.

lilsupersparks · 01/03/2014 12:09

I would definitely have told his mum if she was there and even more definitely told the school! From a description and the train they were on it will be easy to figure out who they are.

anothernumberone · 01/03/2014 12:09

I would have told his mum

Nomama · 01/03/2014 12:10

HT if you recognised the uniform. Hopefully they would have told their mates how clever they were and then everyone would have known who the Head meant during the Special Assembly .

Having had a similar incident reported to us we waited until we heard a whisper about it and then held the assembly with plenty of 'oh so disappointeds' and 'let yourselves downs'... it was fun watching them squirm.

thornrose · 01/03/2014 12:14

The horsing around bit is annoying but I'd have just moved, they wanted a reaction and I wouldn't give them one. (Unless I had PMT )

The blocking part is another level though and intimidating behaviour. It's unlikely the school would know him from your description unfortunately.

You have no idea how the mum is going to react which would put me off talking to her to be honest!

Aeroflotgirl · 01/03/2014 12:22

Yanbu they were behaving in an unacceptable manner, And preventing you getting off. Did you know what school uniform they were wearing.

SomethingOnce · 01/03/2014 12:24

I'd report to the school.

lljkk · 01/03/2014 12:31

they were being aggressive gits & you're every right to have had the rage. I think you were quite restrained, if anything!

Original poster

magic8balls · 01/03/2014 12:31

I thought about moving, but then thought - why should I, I was here first and I am the adult here. But looking in retrospect, I just wish I'd moved! I feel embarrassed for threatening to tell his mum - I wouldn't because I don't know how she'd react and that's my biggest worry. I recognise the school uniform. It's a private school that many of the children on the trains here go to. I know it was laddish, childish behaviour but I just got so cross! And then the stopping in front of me and the sniggering and swearing incensed me further! The only thing I'm concerned about now is seeing him and his mates on the platform and being surrounded or feeling threatened. I can take quite a lot but I hate feeling scared.

OP posts:

LoonvanBoon · 01/03/2014 12:32

Yes, report to the school. I've done this before - give them an estimated age & a decent physical description & I bet they'll be able to identify him very easily.

And of course you weren't being unreasonable. Yes, teenagers do sometimes mess around on public transport, but they need to learn to rein it in so they're not a nuisance to other passengers.

I would have been tempted to tell his mum as well, but then she may not have been supportive & it could have become unpleasant, so perhaps just as well you didn't.

MrsHerculePoirot · 01/03/2014 12:34

I would have told his mum and the school. As a secondary teacher we want to know about stuff like this.

thornrose · 01/03/2014 12:36

magic8balls you're right you shouldn't have to move. Don't be embarrassed you were provoked into reacting.

Please don't worry, they will have forgotten all about it. I really doubt they will target you in any way.

BecauseIsaidS0 · 01/03/2014 12:36

I would so have told his mother and the school! If a boy of mine had been so disrespectful and intimidating, I'd definitely want to know and he'd be in trouble for forever and a day.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 01/03/2014 12:38

Precisely what MrsHercule said. I am a teacher too, and I have called another school before now to report intimidating behaviour on a bus by their pupils. We would like to know and so eould any school.

apermanentheadache · 01/03/2014 12:38

Gosh you were really NOT BU. What horrible behaviour from pretty young kids.

Gruntfuttock · 01/03/2014 12:38

Yes, but so many mothers give anyone who dares criticise their child a mouthful of abuse and even threats of violence. I wouldn't have risked telling her either.

waltermittymissus · 01/03/2014 12:38

If it happens again tell his mum.

As for now I would tell the school.

soverylucky · 01/03/2014 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

temporarilyjerry · 01/03/2014 12:40

I'm sure the school would be very interested to know how their pupils are behaving. You should not have to put up with this. When they are a little older, this behaviour could intimidate other passengers. Please complain.

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