Where has my 7yo disappeared? AIBU?

[nocontactforevermore]

I some times think I'm loosing it. My dd is 7 and seems to have turned into an obnoxious little madame. I can't tell if I'm being unrealistic, harsh, or what.

When I pull her up on something, however minor and however gently or harshly I do it, her favourite phrases at the moment (in an insufferably whiny indignant voice) are

1. It's not my fault!
2. I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that/say that/that it was rude
3. Whatttttttttttt?

It's been driving me mental. Today she ran towards the road after school. When I told her off , she said all three of the above phrases immediately. Later we were watching a funny video online and she talked all the way through it, when I asked her to stop, she put her hand up and told me to 'shush'. I called her on this and she repeated all the above phrases. I finally snap and say she's lost her tv time for tonight. When out walking to her drama group this evening she argues about said tv time, saying I obviously 'don't like her' and just generally picking at me and I'm getting more and more wound up to the point where I tell her to stop talking to me. She won't stop- and asks me a banal question about something. When I don't respond she said, 'come on! Yes or no?!

Seriously - in recent months I've probably posted 2 or 3 times about her behaviour but even I'm shocked at how much I've let it get to me tonight.

I was ranting and raving (like my own mum) by the time we got home and asked her to leave me alone. I've told her she's going to bed an hour early and she's furious. She is also of course repeating all her favourite 3 phrases above ^^ on repeat.

DD followed me round the house wanting to argue and argue so I've come to my bedroom to cool off. I'm a dick aren't I?

Just picking up on a point - how many activities is she doing after school? At seven my dds did stuff after school on not more than three evenings a week, and certainly not two on the same night. One sport, one music/dance, and one Cubs. Any more than that and they were too knackered to enjoy anything. I find it telling that she fell asleep so quickly when you sent her to her bedroom last night.

We do not have a strict routine in our house, it doesn't suit DH or I.

If (especially DD1) the DC are playing up I think "are they hungry or tired?" And often the answer is yes, then I can deal with that.

If she walks away from the table, take her plate away and throw her meal away. She will eventually learn to sit down and eat a meal. If mine turn their nose up and don't eat, they are then only ever offered plain bread and butter, as I don't want to encourage or reward them for not eating what they have been given.

I agree with the suggestion that if she doesn't have the tight outfit/equipment, let her explain it to the organiser, then she will start to see cause and effect.

Following up on Alpaca's point above, my soon to be 7 yo DD1 has dancing for 2 hours on a Monday and Thursday, plus on a Thursday they have a private Spanish lesson for an hour, after school club on a Tuesday and Friday from 3 - 6, Karate for an hour on a Wednesday and swimming for half an hour on a Sunday.

DD1 has always been a good sleeper, but if I am struggling to get her up for a couple of mornings, she has to go to bed earlier. This was a condition of her and DS starting their dancing lessons as her class is 5.30 - 7.30 whilst his is 6 - 8, but they often don't finish on time as the teacher loves the classes as do the kids and she likes them to be very professional when performing. DD has to wait for DS to finish before coming home, which is hard when her bedtime is generally between 8 and 8.30.

"I feel dead guilty!"

Just saw this. THAT is part of your problem. Don't feel guilty. Imposing sanctions for poor behaviour is in your job description as a parent. Be strong and carry it through.

Wow, Audit, that is a LOT of after school activity. My DDs would be knackered by that schedule. Do they ever have time to just play?

She does 3 activities a week - none on weekend. Unfortunately two fall on one night though and are only 1.5hrs apart.

The reason I suggested early bedtime for waking us up was more of a 'punishment' rather than her getting her more sleep.

I have learnt that between the ages 7 and 10 in girls there is apparently a "pre-pubertal" rush of hormones, I have experienced it with my two eldest girls and it is like having a small, indignant, argumentative teenager. It sort of passes after a while but then a few years later you get puberty. Great, hey? All I can say is try and physically separate yourself from her when it gets bad. Send her to her room when it gets too much, so you can calm down and then cope with it better. I have had to threaten to put mine in her room (to physically carry her there) because the arguing has got too much and she would not go when I told her to (she was 10 at the time, though, not 7). When she realised I meant to try and pick her up to put her there (really I couldn't have physically done it, but I would have tried!), she said "Alright, I'm going!! I'm going!!" and went herself. Result was half an hour peace, both calmed down and she apologised. We (DP and I) use phrases like "Talking to me like that is not acceptable," and say it very firmly while maintaining eye contact so she realises you mean it. I would suggest you need to make a boundary line of acceptable behaviour and try and enforce it. Personally, I can't bear sarcastic answering back! So rude and it really pushes my buttons!

Ps: good luck. Keep calm and carry on. ;)